Fantasy Baseball Advice

If there’s one guy who can’t afford to lose a foot, it’s the five-three Dustin Pedroia.  As of post time, it’s not clear how long Pedroia will be out with his fractured foot.  My guess is 4 to 6 weeks.  One thing Scrappy Doo does is fight.  It’s a wonder he can carry around the over-sized baboon heart he’s got.  One thing Scrappy Doo doesn’t do (say that fast 117 times) is sit on the sidelines, but to paraphrase the Christian Slater/Marisa Tomei classic, Untamed Heart, “You love with your mind and soul, not your heart.  But you don’t hit with your mind and soul when you have a fractured foot.”  So while Dusty’s shelved, you need to find a replacement.  Some ways you can look for average?  Aviles or Kendrick.  Steals?  Figgy or Theriot.  RBIs?  Barmes or Guillen.  Runs?  Walker or Polanco.  All of these options depend on your league depth, obviously.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Clay Buchholz – Hyperextended his knee on Saturday, but the word on Lansdowne Street is he will avoid the DL and shouldn’t miss more than one start, even if that.  Good news indeed, he’s Clay aching but he should be back to filling your fantasy gloryhole soon.

Victor Martinez – Fractured his left thumb.  Yeah, that’s bad news.  Right now, the team is saying he might not need a DL stint.  DL stint or not, I can’t imagine this won’t effect his hitting.  You know, the, uh, reason you own him in fantasy.  Red Sox should borrow some steel-toed boots and body armor from The Rathskeller bouncers.

Carlos Zambrano – Big Z mad!  Big Z and Derrek Lee were seen going at in the dugout after Lee defended the Gatorade cooler’s honor.  Big Z suspended!  When he returns, he’ll be pitching out of the bullpen.  Maybe the Cubs can work out some kind of in-game nursery where Big Z nannies while on the bullpen bench.  Big Z nurtures!

Tyler Colvin – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 10th homer as he hit leadoff.  I don’t think it continues, but there’s no reason why you shouldn’t own him now.

Carlos Marmol – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Kazaam!

Paul Konerko – Hit his 20th homer while Vernon Wells hit his 19th as the Battle For Best Value From A Draft Pick That Everyone Yawned At continues.

Bobby Jenks – Left the club for a family emergency.  Thornton or Putz will fill in for him.  Or it could be Putz, Thornton.  Or maybe Thornton Putz the III.

Chris Narveson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Wow, this was a spectac–  Oh, this was vs. the Mariners.

John Axford – Recorded his 7th save.  Hoffman’s actually done enough to warrant the closer role again, but Axford hasn’t done anything to lose it.  That’s the pickle between the rock and the hard place.

Rickie Weeks – 4-for-5 as he hit his 13th homer.  All you Weeks owners out there, you’re playing with house money and I hope the Injury Reaper comes to collect soon.

Chone Figgins – Not sure if his shipment of Red Bull just came in, but he has 7 steals in his last 5 games.  Figgy Smalls is the stealie-est.

Russell Branyan – Acquired by the Mariners.  First, the Orioles acquire Jake Fox, now the M’s get Branyan.  Maybe the Pirates can get Xavier Nady next.  As for Branyan, his value stays the same.  He hits homers (10 in 171 ABs) and that’s about it.

Evan Longoria – Longoria and Upton went at it yesterday for Upton’s lack of hustle and the pass he made at Tony Parker.  I heard about the fight before seeing the replay (Upton was lollygagging), but it didn’t surprise me at all.  I was watching the Rays the other day and Upton hit a grounder that he wouldn’t have beat out, but he still could’ve ran down the line.  Someone should smack a 44-cent stamp on Eckstein’s forehead and ship him to Tampa so he can have an instructional seminar about running to first.  Or maybe we can have a three inning exhibition held during All-Star Game weekend with the All-Effort Team taking on the Effortless Team.

Brennan Boesch – 2-for-5 with his 12th homer.  Where have I heard his name before?  Oh, I know!  Every Razzball roundup for the last month.  Geez, you’d think I’d know since I’m the one in charge of cracking the whip at the 100 monkeys who write this shizz.

Tommy Hanson – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Kinda sucks if you own him, but I don’t so… Schadenfreude, snitches!

Johnny Damon – 1-for-4 with two steals.  Did Jules stab him in the heart with some adrenaline?  Man, did Damon get old fast.  He reminds me of Randy Winn.  You are not a better man than I, Jandy Dinn.

Brett Cecil – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Last time I talked about how Cecil could have a tired arm.  This time I’d like to say he’s unstartable.

Scott Baker – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Through 96 IP, he has 83 Ks to 19 BBs and his home games are in a pitcher’s park.  His 4.97 ERA just isn’t computing, but unless you and your leaguemates get together at the end of the year and discuss what your ERA should really be, you can’t afford to keep running Baker out there.

Jonathon Niese – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks and calmly explained to Julie why she shouldn’t call Heather B. “her sista.”

Shin-Soo Choo – 2-for-4 with 2 homers.  If loving Choo’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Kerry Wood – Wood will be traded to someone, who will regret it, and Chris Perez will take over.  That’s your cue to grab Perez.

Matt LaPorta – Will take over for Branyan and play every day.  Decent flyer for AL-Only leagues and 20 team leagues that use only Cleveland Indian players.

Mitch Talbot – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks and a 3.88 ERA on the year.  That’s nice, I wouldn’t pick him up with your team.

Jaime Garcia – 2 IP, 5 ER, 6 baserunners, 0 Ks.  It’s a bird, it’s a plane… Oh, crap, it’s Jaime Garcia falling back to earth.  Watch out!

Colby Rasmus – 2nd homer in two games and now has 16 homers on the year.  Okay, I get it.  You’re breaking out, I was wrong to say to sell you.  Message received, loud and clear.  I won’t even bother reiterating how your HR/FB is too high.

Will Venable – 3 homers and 2 steals in the last week while batting near .350.  Sure, grab him while hot, but next week it could be back to Will Unable.

Luke Gregerson – Got the save yesterday as Bell had the day off.  I wonder if he went to Sea World.

Billy Wagner – Had a cortisone shot on his ankle on Saturday, but says he’ll be good to go for the next save opp.  Peter Moylan or Saito, in reverse order, would fill in if need be.

Lastings Milledge – Hit his first homer of the year yesterday.  Yes, like first first.  That’s pretty gangsta, Lastings.  You should write a rap song about how Jody Gerut is outhomering you in 150 less at-bats.

Ian Stewart – Now has two homers in the last five games.  It’s not quite the Mini Mini Donkey punch we all want, but it’s a start.

Jhoulys Chacin – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 12 Ks.   It’s pronounced Yo-lease and 12 Ks is “Yo, nice!”  Now has 71 Ks in 66 2/3 IP, while making it look yo-leasy.  Coors is terrifying in mixed leagues, but Jhoulys is out pitching a bunch of better bets right now.  Member the courage you didn’t have to draft Ubaldo?  Here’s your chance for redemption.

Mike Napoli – Hit a homer yesterday.  Word out of Bobby Grichville is the Angels are shopping Napoli.  Napoli should’ve seen it coming when Scioscia kissed Napoli on the lips at the Angels New Year’s Eve party and told him he broke his heart.

Edwin Jackson – Good for Edwin, though this was the ugliest no-hitter since Bob Forsch threw one in 1983.  And that was only ugly because Willie McGee was on the field.

Interleague is over and we are sprinting to the All-Star break, trade deadline and fantasy football drafts because, who are we kidding, the best part of fantasy is the draft. Soccer is still well on Smokey’s plate. As if you’re not watching and getting excited. It’s not for everyone, I can’t blame people for not liking it or force them to watch. There just aren’t enough stats in soccer to peak the fantasy end of it. Baseball has 20 x 20 leagues, what’s more entertaining than playing in a league that you can’t check via the box score in newspaper? (Yeah, they still exist, I had to check.) Week 13 brings us right up against the birth of this great country. Have at the unlucky week 13 fantasy baseball two start hurlers:

Jake Westbrook (Tor vs. Romero) (Oak vs. Gonzalez)
Just mulling around waiting/hoping to get traded. Been semi-effective. A peripheral nightmare, so expect to be wooed and then not even a peck on the cheek when you drop him off.

Jeremy Bonderman (@Min vs. Liriano) (Sea vs. Lee)
This guy gets $12 million, holy hell. Always a good swing and miss guy. Horrible matchups this week. Avoid for me this week.

Randy Wells (Pit vs. Maholm) (Cin Vs Cueto)
Not good Randy, not good at all. Anything worse than playing for your hometown team and sucking?  Guess missing your bus home would suck too. But then if it’s your hometown team it wouldn’t suck as bad, I suppose.  Gets Pittsburgh in first start – hooray. Another peripheral disaster.

Jason Hammel (@ SD vs. LeBlanc) (SF vs. Cain)
In the highlights as the guy following Ubaldo in the rotation. Gets Petco and is a better pitcher at home so it sounds even better. Previous shellacking by the Sox. Three previous were 0 ER. Good value pick.

Bud Norris (@ Mil vs. Parra) (@ SD vs. Correia)
Back from the dead. 2 decent matchups, and a whole mess of sleeper hype to cloud what could go wrong. Houston continues to suck and blow his confidence. He is a ping pong ball up and down like Homer Bailey.

Brett Myers (@ MiL VS Gallardo) (@ SD vs. Leblanc)
A horse this year so far. Would have about 5 more wins for another team. Lowest ERA since ’06. Gets a tough matchup in Gallardo, who is as legit as they come. Hasn’t given up more than 4 ER in a start all year.

R.A. Dickey (@ Fla vs. Nolasco) (@ Was vs. Strasburg)
Yeah, uh, R.A. Dickey has 6 wins. 6 consecutive to boot. Runs into some tough matchups. Robert Alan is hot right now so ride the train, just maybe not this week.

Manny Parra (Hou vs. Norris) (@ StL vs. Carpenter)
Think he is staying in the rotation for a while, and is great stuff wise. Just not polished at all. Great K potential, though I hate that word.

Kyle Kendrick (@ Cin vs. Cueto) (@ Pit vs. Maholm)
His home/away splits are crazy, Bruce Banner even said damn. Gets the Pie Rats and is 3-0 career vs. the ‘Natti. Looks like a call to the bookie is in order. Jump all over it, best low end add this week. 2 wins and 10 k’s.

Wade LeBlanc (Col vs. Hammel) (Hou vs. Myers)
Home cooking just like Grandma’s. Gives up way too many hits for my liking. Two home starts makes me forget that he didn’t call me on my birthday. No K’s and a propensity to go only 5 innings sucks out loud.

Dustin Nippert/Matt Harrison (@ LAA vs. Pineiro) (ChW vs. Buehrle)
It is still up in the air if both get one or 2 starts. Team is scorching the ball right now, and runs and pills are good. Both guys offer about the same amount fantasy-wise.

Last summer, something felt wrong for Edinson Volquez.  He said it was his arm.  Dusty gave him two after-dinner mints and said they were “reconstructive surgery,” then threw him for 160 pitches.  Unfortunately, the mints didn’t take.  Dusty blamed Edinson’s inability to believe.  Neverthehoo!  (I’m trying to get neverthehoo to stick, go with it.)  Edinson went for Tommy John surgery, or as they call it in the Tommy John household, “my surgery.”  Usual recovery time is longer than his current 11 month timetable, but all signs point to him returning in the next few weeks.   I’d grab him in every league.  Yes, even yours.  His sell value is already starting to climb.  If he returns with a gem, his value will go through the roof.  So even if you don’t need a starter, someone in your league will.  Coming back, I expect Volquez will give a great K-rate and not a terrific WHIP.  Think 75 innings, 4.00 ERA, 1.32 WHIP and 85 Ks.  My name is Edinson Volquez and I approve of this message.  Hey, Dusty, can I have another mint? No!  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Erik Bedard – Bedard’s history of injury is so well-documented that even if he returns and throws aces, he can still drop an injury deuce at any moment.

Jorge de la Rosa – dlR, Edinson, Bedard, Beckett… In that order I’d pick them up.  Not to repeat, but to explain.  Beckett’s in the AL East and can’t get his shizz together, saying he might not be back until the end of July.  Bedard’s terrific when healthy.  That ‘when’ needs to be airlifted out of bed.  Edinson’s progressing well, but this was serious surgery.  dlR’s progressing well from a less serious injury.  However, I do think Edinson and dlR are pretty much a toss-up.  Volquez will have more trade value if good news continues to come out.  Any questions?  What about Jar-Jar? Why I oughta!

Madison Bumgarner – Just went over my Bumgarner fantasy.  He has to be up soon.  He just has to be.  That’s me putting what I want out in the cosmos.  Thanks, The Secret!

Tommy Hunter – This is Tommy Hunter after he learned you wanted to pick him up.  Or is that Billy Butler?  It’s hard for me to recommend him highly because I wouldn’t pick him up outside of H2H or AL-Only leagues, but he’s pitching well and he gets the Astros next.  Yes, please.

Gavin Floyd – It took two stank months, but this is the Floyd I pictured when I targeted him in drafts.  In his last four starts, 29 innings, 3 earned runs.  Float on, Gavin!

Brandon League – If Aardsma gets moved, League will be gone from your waivers quicker than you can say, “The Mariners were contenders in March.”

Sam Demel – Heilman is the first pickup, Qualls is the second pickup and the Diamondbacks are a cellar-dwelling team.  So deep SAGNOF, but SAGNOF neverthehoo!

Jarret Hoffpauir – Doesn’t he sound like a total douche?  When you and your girl were on a break, who did she sleep with? Jarret Hoffpauir!  That douche!  He dotted her eyes!  Hoffpauir’s playing every day (for now) and has 2nd base eligibility in ESPN and about to get 3rd base in Yahoo.  Hoffpauir’s a pretty stale prospect, having festered in the minors for a bit too long, but he has solid plate discipline (9 homers and only 15 Ks in 259 ABs at Triple-A).  Because of his eligibility, I’d take a chance on him in deep leagues.

Dayan Vicedo – Until Ozzie tweets Vicedo into his everyday lineup, I’m not as excited about him.  In deep enough leagues, you do what you do.

Chris Johnson – To run through these guys like I did with the injured starters; I’d grab them Hoffpauir, Vicedo and Johnson, in that order.  Hoffpauir’s playing for the 1927 Blue Jays and playing every day, according to Gaston.  Viciedo is not playing every day, but has decent upside.  Chris Johnson plays for the Astros.  Belch.

Justin Smoak – I sorta gave up on Smoak’s BABIP ever turning itself around… Actually, at first base, I couldn’t afford to wait in a league or two, but it seems like he did finally turn it around.

Gaby Sanchez – He’s having a much better season than Lance Berkman.  Yo Gaby Gaby!

Brennan Boesch – On June 23rd, ESPN told you to grab Boesch.  On May 21st, I told you to grab him.  You’re welcome.

Tyler Colvin – Mentioned him in last week’s Buy/Sell.  And here he is again.  You’d think Steve Stone were writing these.

David DeJesus – DeJesus could be the definition of yawnstipating if Polanco didn’t own that distinction.  You, son, are too yawnstipating to even be the definition of yawnstipating!  Day-um! BTW, A man in Wichita, Kansas asked for Selig to visit his hometown and confirm the likeness of DeJesus on a piece of toast.

SELL

A.J. Burnett – He got a red card and was benched indefinitely in the league where I have him (look at me forcing in soccer and not making any sense!), but I’m in a deep league.  Most of youse can flat-out drop him.  Sure, his xFIP is a full run lower than his ERA, but it’s still hovering around 5 and his Ks are way too far down.  I’d let Burnett wiggle his nose on someone else’s team.

Buster Posey – Well, you had about a week to sell him for value like I suggested.  Now I don’t think you get anything for him in one year leagues.  Nine out of ten fantasy baseball ‘perts agree, rookie value is less than their hype.

Billy Butler – Garrett Jones has been better than Butler, according to the ESPN Player Rater.  So has Swisher, Glaus, Loney, Huff, Prado and Konerko.  I hate to be a, uh, hater, but Mr. Grapefruit is way overvalued.  For some reason, people are indifferent with the Royals as a whole, but love their prospects.  You know what Butler is?  A good average, 20 homer hitter.  Loney looks at that and says, “Yeah, so?”  You look at Butler and you think well-rounded, but for fantasy he is not.  He gets few Runs and RBIs due to his team and he has Warning Track Fly power.  Otherwise known as WTF!  (Disregard the preceding if you play in a league with a Moob category.)

Carl Crawford left yesterday’s game with a sore shoulder.  He first felt discomfort on Wednesday.  In the locker room, here’s how Carl explained it, “You don’t want to feel that pain like that…  I’ve never really had nothing like that before… It locked up real bad.”  Now this sounds terrible, right?  Okay, here’s how Crawford finished, “I think it should be a day-to-day thing.”  Wait, what?  You don’t want to feel pain like that… It locked up real bad… It’s fine.  Oh, okay.  This sounds like when my grandmother would talk about how she can’t see or walk, then she’d go play mah jong.  You don’t need to see, the tiles’ engravings are raised. Guess we’ll have to take Crawford’s word for it that this is a minor injury and he’ll only miss a day or two.  In the meantime, the Rays called on Joyce to sow Carl’s oats.  Matt Joyce had a line of .316/.460/.556 in the minors this year with two homers in the last week.  Last year, he had 16 homers and 14 steals in Triple-A.  He’d be a very interesting name if the Rays weren’t so stacked.  There’s really no way he gets every day ABs unless Crawford goes to the DL.  In AL-Only leagues, it’s worth the flyer, but elsewhere I’d wait to see how often he plays.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into today’s roundup, frequent commenter and all-around Razzthusiast, Chase, wanted to share something.  Chase, “Two years ago one of my best friends, Joey Rippel, was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma.  At one point he had a tumor that covered half of his chest.  Luckily, he recovered after months of chemotherapy.  Joey founded a non-profit organization called, The Rippel Effect, to help those like himself.  The website is The Rippel Effect and it would be appreciated if you were to check it out and help any way you can.”  Anyway II, here’s the roundup:

B.J. Upton – Hit his 7th homer yesterday and has 23 steals on the year while batting .231.  In a non-scientific poll I conducted with myself, I get more questions about selling B.J. low than any other player.  Grab Aviles for your junky MI spot and together you’d have a .267 average.  Not to mention, Upton can raise his average before the year’s over.  No one seems to hate Andre Ethier and he has 1 steal.  1 steal and a .231 average are equally bad.  Why is it that people hate low average guys?  It’s one category.  There should be a glossary term for this myopic view of average.

Matt Garza – 8 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Best start for him in over a month and a nice bounce back from his last wet noodle start.

Mike Lowell – Heads to the DL.  The only Lowell in Massachusetts this year is still 40 minutes NE of Boston.

Dustin Pedroia – 5-for-5, 4 Runs, 5 RBIs, 3 homers.  Struck Coors Extra Gold as Massholes everywhere reached for Sammy A.

Huston Street – 1 IP, 2 ER.  I’d say Kazaam, but by the time Tracy names him the closer he’s going to be injured again.

Josh Hamilton – 3-for-4 with a steal, after revealing that he sat out on Wednesday with a tight hamstring.  I’m waiting for this trade deadline deal… We have breaking news today out of Texas.  In a move that could very well push them over the top in this year’s pennant chase, the Rangers purchased 8 hamstrings.  The hamstrings are said to be in near-mint condition and will be distributed to Cruz, Kinsler, Hamilton and Vlad.  Going the other way in the trade, Matt Treanor.  When the guy who sold the hamstrings was asked about what he was going to do with Matt Treanor.  He said, “Sell him for parts.”

Will Venable – 2-for-3 with a steal.  Was actually going to pick him up for yesterday’s short schedule day, but didn’t.  Sonavawaivers!

Everth Cabrera – In a deep league, I got excited that EverCab’s coming off the DL today because I need steals, then about 17 seconds later I remembered it’s EverCab.  He’s the Chinese food of middle infielders.

Jesus Feliciano – 3-for-5 with 2 Runs as Jesus filled in for Angel.  By Saturday, the Pope will be out in center.

Carlos Beltran – The Mets crack me up.  Beltran has been out since like 1964 with this knee injury.  Today, the Mets said Beltran could be activated by this Monday.  How do you go from not playing for over a year to only rehabbing for four days?  Meet the Mets, same as the old mess.

Armando Benitez – But no one can beat the Marlins when it comes to wacky organizations.  The Marlins signed Armando Benitez, who hasn’t pitched since 2008.  Is this like when Nomar signed a one day deal with the Red Sox so he could retire or is this serious?

Jason Castro – 2-or-3 and his first home run.  Let the questions commence about whether you should own Napoli, Suzuki, Santana, Posey, Buck or Castro.

Felipe Paulino – To the 15-day DL with shoulder tendinitis.  Why couldn’t the tendinitis gods take Brian Moehler?  Wait, this will mean a rotation spot for Bud Norris.  Paulino who?  Norris is basically the same pitcher.  Wild, poor run support and great Ks.  NL-Only leagues should grab Norris.

Wandy Rodriguez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks.  I’d say it’s nice to see the old Wandwagon back on the tracks, but last year he would’ve K’d 8 guys, not 3.

Austin Jackson – 0-for-4.  His average has dropped 75 points in the last month.  Where’s all the people who were saying they were naming their firstborn Jackson and moving to Austin when I was saying to sell him?  These people always disappear.

Brandon Morrow – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  I could say he’s in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but that would be a lie.  If I said he was in a Buy/Sell in May, that would be true.  Owned in only 12% of ESPN leagues, which is baffling.  Unless you play in a 4×4 league, there’s no reason a guy who has 92 Ks in 84 innings should be on waivers.

Vernon Wells – 2-for-4, 2 homers.  I point out a lot of correct calls I make, so it’s only fair I mention that I figured Wells would’ve went back to oblivion or the DL about a month ago.  Can’t figure out those 1927 Blue Jays.

Adam Lind – 2-for-4 with his 9th homer.  I’m not saying he’s going to do this, but if he hits 7 homers in the next two weeks, which he can, you’ll be glad you were patient with him.

Adam Jones – 3-for-5 and a homer.  Sticking with the struggling Adam theme…. Well, actually, this Adam is no longer struggling.  He’s hitting almost .450 over the last week with 3 homers.  Could still easily reach preseason projections of 27/15.

Matt Cain – 2 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  Just rip that ERA Band-Aid off and expose your scabby FIP.

Yovani Gallardo – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks.  As usual, I wish I owned him.  YoGa, why do you stress me out?

Prince Fielder – 1-for-4 with his 14th homer and his 29th RBI.  He now trails Jose Reyes by only one RBI.  Fielder’s HR to RBI ratio is almost as obscene as Marmol’s K to IP ratio.  Only Fielder’s is the bad kind of obscene.  There is a good kind of obscene, right?

Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell even if I have to push lip grooming until after it’s written.

Felix Hernandez – 9 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  As I watched this game, I got the feeling that even if F-Her pitched for 15 innings he wouldn’t get the win.  Dismantle the Mariners March 15-30th dynasty!

Ryan Howard – 0-for-3 as the Phillies scored twelve runs.  Ticker tease!

Matt Stairs – This has no bearing on anything, but gave me a chuckle.  Bud Black said Stairs isn’t ready to return because “he hasn’t been able to run with intensity.”  He can drink a beer with intensity.  He can grow a mustache with intensity.  He can probably take a crap with intensity.  If you’re waiting for Stairs to run with intensity, my guess is it will be a long wait.

Sometimes you just can’t trade a guy in your fantasy baseball league.  For whatever reason, the rest of the teams don’t believe in your guy.  Whether it’s someone who has been doing well who people aren’t sure if they’re for real (Corey Hart) or someone who has been struggling (Berkman), no one in your league will trade for them.  You’ve tried to sell lower than even their value warrants, but no bites. So you go even lower and, before you know it, you’re trading Berkman for a VHS copy of The Secret Life of Desmond Pfeiffer.  So what do you do when no one wants to give you any value for one of your guys?

Let’s look at the guys that are supposedly playing above their heads (the Harts).  The best thing you can do with these guys is for you to trust in their value.  Say you have Jason Bay and Hart, and you’re stuck benching Hart because you just don’t have room.  But you really need a starter.  You know Hart is worth a starter, but no one’s biting.  So trade Bay for a starter and slot Hart into your lineup.  In summation, trust in the guys playing well and trade the names.

Next, the guys who don’t have any value because they’re sucking wind like a burro in Machu Picchu, the Berkman case example.  There’s two things you can do here.  Drop them so they stop sucking the life out of your team.  For instance, some might remember when I said I dropped Chipper during the 1st week of the season.  I knew no one would trade me anything for Chipper.  I miscalculated at the auction and cut my losses quickly.  I also knew that people wouldn’t let him sit on waivers.  Sure enough, he was picked up and dropped numerous times, i.e., he did damage to my opponents’ offensive categories, not mine.  ‘Natch!  The other thing you can do with an underperforming player, trade them for a player that someone else can’t trade.  Someone who owns Berkman and is benching them would trade you Berkman for a mystery bag of leftovers.  Someone can’t stand the sight of Stephen Drew on their team?  They might take Berkman for him.  Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon!