Adam Wainwright will start on Friday replacing Joel Piñeiro. I’m putting him in immediately. I have faith in The Author of Tonyball, Dave Duncan and Adam Wainwright. Will he be lights out? Well, I hope so. He has been good in his rehab. There’s a chance he’s ineffective, but Wainwright’s worth the chance that his ailment’s been mended and he’s can handle the ball. When he left, he was a solid number two for fantasy baseball purposes. Hopefully that’s how he returns, and not a number two that leaves you feeling ill and burns when you sit down. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Al Reyes – To the Mets. That sounds familiar because I told you three days ago Reyes would close for the Mets. Of course the Mets picked him up. The Mets are so desperate, they went to see Giuliani throw to see if he could close, but he just talked their ear off about the tremendous job he did for 9/11. Reyes will get some saves within a week or two. Probably end the season with 5-7 saves.

Hanley Ramirez – Day-to-day after taking a ball off the thumb. There goes his spot-on Fonzie impersonation.

Ryan Church – Will be a backup to Tatis. Aren’t you glad you grabbed him for that DL slot? Zoinks!

R.A. Dickey – Gave up 8 ER in 2 innings. Which is sad for him and for Rudy who was sonavabenched on his Razzball team.

Mark Reynolds – Took fielding practice at 2nd. Well, that’s cool, Grey. And I took a dump in a Wendy’s parking lot yesterday. You going to tell us everything these schmohawks do? Okay, wiseass. When Upton returns, the outfield will get crowded, which could force Dunn to 1st, Tracy to 3rd and Reynolds over to 2nd. Reynolds is startable in just about all leagues if he gets 2nd base eligibility.

Wandy Rodriguez – Got a bum scoring call on a Hardy first inning “hit.” Wait, why am I being apologetic for Wandy? Honestly, I’m not sure. He was very wild and the game could’ve been much worse if he was facing the Brewers A-team. After all, Gabe Kapler was batting third. Not exactly Hannibal.

Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-4 with a steal with a modest one game hitting streak going. (Though he has hit in six of the last seven games.) I’m jumping ship in all mixed leagues, but holding in NL-Only leagues and deep leagues I really need steals.

Brett Myers – Complete game shutout against the Nats. Yesterday I said, “The only pitchers I wouldn’t spot start against the Mariners pitch for the Mariners.” That goes double for the Nats. If that monkey from the movie Ed made a comeback (No, not Matt LeBlanc. The real monkey.), I’d spot start him against the Nats.

Jacoby Ellsbury – 3 steals in the last two games. Might be the start of him running wild.

Jair Jurrjens – I’ve jumped ship on Jurrjens in ten team mixed leagues. In 12-team leagues, I’m holding him loosely like .38 Special. His innings are way too high for him. We had a good run. Peace, see ya later. Later? (LATER!) Later, alligator.

Mike Pelfrey – See one centimeter above. He gets the Astros next. I’d hold him for that start, but get ready to bail.

Jeff Francis – Looked respectable against the Dodgers. His next start is against the Giants. I’d go there with JF.

Jerry Hairston Jr. – Returning to the DL. Not surprising. We’re headed to September, he has a nagging hamstring injury and a lot of his value was coming from his legs. Punt. If it’s hurts for you to cut Hairston loose, you have bigger fish to fry. Beans don’t burn on the grill.

Jon Rauch – Picked up the save yesterday. Three weeks ago, I would’ve told you to immediately grab Rauch, but he hasn’t looked good at all. Not even compared to Lyon. Melvin says he’ll conitnue to go to Lyon, I’d believe him. It’s not worth the agita, unless you’re desperate like that kid in The Last American Virgin.

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu went deep against Joakim Soria and the Indians rallied to win. The victory was also thanks to Kelly Shoppach’s earlier homer and Jensen Lewis shutting the door. Okay, now picture you’re an Indians fan who was in a coma for three months and you just read the last two sentences. You’d be like, “Jensen who? Franklin what? Shoppach huh? Wow, the Indians must be really kicking ass if these role players are chipping in.” Um, yeah. Listen, comatose Indians fan, you might want to sit down.

  1. Aconstipatedmonkey says:

    So who is the best start on friday needing wins and whip?

    Danks @ TB
    Marcum vs. Bos

  2. TDub says:

    Excellent insertion of a Tribe Called Quest lyric!

  3. Steve says:

    @Grey: Your thoughts on this motley collection of Saturday starters:
    Suppan v Pirates
    Petit v Marlins (Volstad)
    Blackburn @ Angels

    Who ya like, if any (bearing in mind my ERA and WIP are shot to hell)? Desperate situations, desperate measures etc etc.

  4. BSA says:

    Grey, I know you didn’t want to imply that JHairston was movin’ on up to that penthouse in the sky next to Bentley.

  5. BSA says:

    So I wake up and realized having Fuentes and Broxton while they are playing against each other can be confusing. Especially a night when Broxton shits his pants on the mound and Fuentes cleans it up.

  6. BSA says:

    Here’s a quick read to make you throw up in your Cheerios if you have Beckett,
    “This is a big deal for the organization and for Beckett,” Dr. Robert Shalvoy of University Orthopedics in Providence said. “He won’t get better by missing a start.” Shalvoy, who has preformed ulnar collateral ligament surgeries, described Beckett’s issue as ‘prime symptoms’ for any pitcher who will eventually need Tommy John surgery to repair the damage.” — 8.20.08, Providence Journal

  7. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Comatose Indians Fan deserves his own sitcom. Put it on MTV and call it “Pronk’d.”

    Every year there’s a touted pitcher who sucks sack for four months, then comes back with new determination to reel off a hot streak claw his way within spitting distance of respectability. (Sucking? Clawing? Reeling? Spitting? It’s not a mixed metaphor — it’s a new Olympic Sport.)

    This year, that guy is Brett “The Hit Man” Myers*. Plucking that grimacing dude from the garbage heap is feeling oh so good right now.

    *In May, I thought that dude would be Rich Hill. Oh, Rich, wha’er became of thee?

    p.s. For that matter, wha’er became of the weekly round-up? Without Commenter of the Week to shoot for, my life has been drained of meaning.

  8. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Follow-up Q from the back of the room: I’ve been picking up MRs in hopes of helping my ratios and grabbing a few, ahem, vulture wins. I’ve got one too many though, after grabbing Jim “Kool Aid” Johnson to stabilize saves. I like carrying 3 closers and 2 MRs — which 2 of these 3 do you like for wins and tasty peripherals over the next month: T. Buchholz, C. Gaudin, J. Devine?

    Devine’s got nasty K numbers but seems less well positioned, situationally, for wins. Meanwhile T Buck and C Gaud combined for 7 wins last month.

  9. BSA says:

    So my trade for getting Rollns for a smoking hot Alexei went through giving me an infield of Iannetta, Fielder, Utley, Rollins, Wright with Tulo and Davis for backup or util. Should be good to go for the playoffs.

  10. Ari says:

    I have one open roster spot and I need a hitter who is at the very least hit for a high average and obp the rest of the year. Besides that I’m right in the middle of my league for the other offensive categories so a little help in anything would be good. This is a list of players that are available that I am looking at:

    Skip Schumaker
    Randy Winn
    Orlando Cabrera
    Akinori Iwamura
    Andre Eithier
    Jason Kubel
    Delmon Young
    Luke Scott
    Kevin Kouzmanoff
    Casey Blake
    Jeff Francour

    Of these who would recommend I take?
    Are there any other players who I’m not thinking of?

  11. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Ari: This is a barf bag of hitters, but Delmon Young is finally showing some pop and is capable of hot stretches, avg.-wise.

    @Freak: Awesome. Given how my other “sleepers” turned out (Francouer, Zimmerman), I’m shocked I didn’t draft Hill too. Actually, now that I think of it, I resisted drafting him and took Frenchy that round instead.

    Might as well have drafted Erubiel Durazo.

  12. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Aconstipatedmonkey: I like both, but Danks has absolutely dominated the Rays.

    @TDub: Thanks!

    @Steve: If ERA and WHIP are shot to hell, why not throw them all? I like them Petit, Suppan, Blackburn, in that order.

    @BSA: Wow on Beckett Thanks for that heads up. I would never have Beckett cause I never trusted him about his injuries, but wow. That’s a bad story for the Sox.

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: “Pronk’d!” — That’s effin’ hilarious.

    Rudy’s strutting around Europe on vacay and he was in charge of This Week in Razzball, which housed Comment O Week.

    Those are some very tasty MRs. I like Buchholz and Gaudin for wins, Devine for everything else.

    @Ari: I’d grab them Kouz, Young, Ethier, punt.

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: Durazo was underappreciated.

  13. peter says:

    Am I right to bench Scott Baker @LAA tonight? He’s been having problems against powerhouses (Seattle) lately.

  14. Grey

    Grey says:

    @peter: Yeah, his August has been pretty unremarkable. No start for him.

  15. No comments on the implosion by Wilson last night? Not only does he ruin a fine start by Cain, he actually manages to vulture the win. Not that I have Cain in 3 of my leagues and am bitter, but….

  16. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Grey: Durazo is a perma-inside joke with me and my buddy, who co-managed our team the first year we played fantasy (’05). Like good little newbies, we sat there saying, “How come no one’s drafting Durazo!?! He hit like .322 with 22 HRs and 88 RBIs the year before!” So we grabbed him — only to figure out later that he only qualified at Util. And no matter how deep your league is, you don’t want Erubiel Durazo clogging up your Util slot.

    His name is fun to say, though.

    This is a nerdy inside-journalism joke, but I always thought the movie “Shattered Glass” about Stephen Glass should have been called “Glass’d.”* As in, you run a great article, then someone busts into your office and yells, “Ha! That shizz was totally made up! You got Glass’d!”

    *This will only mean something to the eight dozen or so people who remember a) that dude or b) that movie.

  17. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: A) That was my favorite move of that year. B) I have the best story regarding that movie ever.*

    *So I’m at a writer’s group I occasionally go to and people are talking, eating free food (cause that’s what writers do) and pitching stories they’re thinking about working on. So I have this story that I’m thinking about working on and I’m pitching it to this dooode who I do not know. He’s a new face there. So I tell him the story, we talk about it for a little while then we go our separate ways. Later on that night, I’m talking to a friend and he’s like you never guess who was at tonight’s writer’s group, “Stephen Glass!” I’m outta my mind cause I loved that movie and hadn’t seen anyone that even resembled Hayden Christian. Well, obviously I told you the first part of this story so the 2nd part would make sense. So, yes, I pitched my story to Glass. He hasn’t stolen it yet, but I open every New Yorker just waiting to be Glass’d! Anyhoo… Durazo is a funny name.

  18. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Grey: That’s so funny. Though how do I know that actually happened? Are you Glassing me?*

    *I have an editor friend who had a minor run-in with Glass, but he got the full Glass treatment (which he only recognized in hindsight, after the whole thing came out): dodgy sources, weird late-night phone calls to funky answering machines, directions to websites that didn’t exist.

    The story just got dropped, so no harm done, but only later did he realize — he got Glass’d!

  19. JR says:

    I have to pick between these to starts next week (it’s the first round of my playoffs):

    Greinke, at home, against Texas
    Maine, on the road, against Florida

    I’m leaning toward Greinke. Although I like the Florida match-up better, particular for a big K night, I just get the feeling that Maine might wave to the dugout at any moment and be done with. He was pretty gutsy done the stretch last year but he wasn’t injured.

    Am I wrong?

  20. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: Check my sources!

    @JR: I think Maine’s walks are a real concern, but Greinke against Texas is by no means a safe start. Still I’d go with Greinke… Wait, Maine! This is tough, man. In the end, I’d probably go with Maine.

  21. royce! says:

    Stephen Drew, Aviles, or Lowrie as insurance against the loss of Hanley? I picked up Drew, but he’s been fairly yawnstipating this year.

  22. JR says:

    Yeah. I wish I had better options. My pitching staff is being held together with twine, bubble gum, and spit. (I drafted Young, Carmona, McGowan, Hill, Morales).

    Maybe Maine can put some spit on that 88-mph “heater”…

  23. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: I’d go Aviles then Lowrie.

  24. Nick says:

    What is up with Ryan Howard? My trade is not looking so good considering Big Papi is still playing every game and not doing to bad. Reyes is also not doing so hot.

  25. Shogun says:

    @Grey: You ever write features or other types of baseball stories? I’d like to read some of your other work if you have clips.

  26. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: Both Howard and Ortiz have 3 HRs in August. One of them has been bothered all year by an injury, the other has not. You want the guy that could re-injure himself at any moment? Howard can hit five home runs this weekend and no one would blink an eye. You have to be patient.

    As for Reyes, huh? He’s number two most valuable shortstop in the last 30 days right behind Alexei.

  27. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Shogun: I write for an array of things, but I try and keep those things separate.

  28. Shogun says:

    @Grey: Cool, keep on keepin’ on.

  29. royce! says:

    @Grey: Sorry to be dense, but you’d take either of them over Drew?

  30. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: No, you were right to re-ask. I’d want Drew first. If I wanted a change (which I thought you were asking), I’d go Aviles then Lowrie. Sorry about confusion. Honestly, they’re all going to be fairly yawnstipating. You’re not going to wake up one day this year and say, “I am so glad I have Stephen Drew!”

  31. mc serch says:

    @ grey — a tribe called quest and last american virgin references in the same post…sweet!
    @ Baron — I love “Pronk’d” but from a different more personally painful angle. For those of us who drafted Hafner way too high this year only to watch him shit the bed in slow motion over the course of many months, how about “Pronk’d” as describing the widely lauded player who you invested so much in on draft day only to watch him completely fuck up your team? For example, and this is literally true for me, “I thought I had a great team this year but I got Pronk’d by Hafner, Chris Young, Randy Myers and Rich Hill.

  32. Grey

    Grey says:

    @mc serch: Yeah, that’ll find it’s way into the glossary. Pronk’d is too good to disappear from the Razzball lexicon.

    BTW, Don’t draft Randy Myers next year. He’s retired.

  33. Aconstipatedmonkey says:

    Thanks, that was my initial leaning……….I can’t afford another 9 walks from both of them this week.

    By the way, if anyone’s paying attention right now:

    Sizemore – 4/5, HR, SB, 7 RBI, R

  34. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Aconstipatedmonkey: I’m definitely paying attention. I have a lot riding on Sizemore.

  35. Steve says:

    Anyone else’s opponent have Grienke going today? I was overjoyed when I saw the score. But then I checked the box.
    Only one earned run? Grrrrrrrr.

  36. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Steve: Ha! I had the same reaction when I saw the box score too.


  37. Shogun says:

    @Steve: I had Greinke going today and was pleasantly surprised to see he was only charged with one earned run. Still, he hasn’t been very useful lately.

  38. mc serch says:

    yeah, yeah yeah, I meant Brett Myers (whose fantastic numbers of late are helping someone else….sigh….I feel like that dude in last american virgin who watches the chick he is jonsing for make out with that other dooshnozzle, but I digress )….hmmm, there might be another Razzball glossary entry somewhere in there!

  39. Grey

    Grey says:


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