It was just yesterday I wrote up my closer look for August and wouldn’t you know it, Wagner’s gone already. Sent to the DL. Official word puts Wagner with a forearm strain. Not a good sign at all. If the fluid in my knee is half full, I say at least he isn’t going to see Dr. Freeze. Yet. This was overheard at The Lemon Ice King of Corona (which is a stone’s throw from Shea and it’s delicious). “Heard Wagner’s down.” “Fawk ’em, Jimmy. Fawk that fawkin’ fawk face fawker.” Supposedly Heilman’s next in line. It will be between him, “Not So Dirty” Sanchez, “Why Are You Happy” Feliciano, “Uter Tolberone’s Neighbor’s Name Is” Schoeneweis and their recently called up minor league closer, Eddie Kunz, whose nickname may end up “Just Don’t Suck As Much As The Next Guy.” If Wagner’s back by September, I’d be surprised. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Joba Chamberlain – Okay, like the Real World kids at the Improv Olympics, I’m going to, like, free associate. Harrison Ford was put on ice by Jabba the Hut. Then he went on to play Dr. Jones. Now Joba’s off to see Dr. Freeze. Scuba! And… scene!

Adam Jones – Fractured foot. Like Wyclef almost sang, he’ll be gone ’til September. Jones was hitting pretty well too, so this is a tough… wait for it… Here it comes… Eh, now it’s too built up. It’s not that good anyway. Forget it… Aw, I’m just playing. Tough… break! Oofa!

Jody Gerut – I know this is gonna make me sound like a stunod, but I just picked up Gerut in an NL-Only league. In his last seven, 2 HRs and over .300. And, no, you don’t want him in a ten team league. Only for deep-sea fishing.

Jose Vidro – Put out to pasture. If the Expos were still around, I’d put five dollars down that Vidro would be hired as the Expos Spanish Language Announcer for their radio games. Assuming the Expos had a radio deal and that the French-Canadians spoke Spanish.

Livan HernandezRockies claimed him. All I ask is you look at the comments here. Not only am I psychic, but I can predict the future. (Speaking of these charlatans (Word of the Day), if they were psychic, wouldn’t they only go into work when there was going to be customers? Your empty red velour couch gives you away, faker!)

David Ortiz – He’s hearing a click in his wrist. Sell, Mortimer!

Jason Isringhausen – It was good to see Izzy come into a three run game. I mean, anyone should be able to get a save in that situat–Brain Freeze!

Eddie Guardado – Got the save after Wilson came into the game in the eighth and gave up four earned runs. Um… Wilson’s headed to the Disgraceful List. I mean, there’s nothing official, but he’s headed there. Cust kayin’.

Placido Polanco/Jason Kubel – 2 HRs apiece. There’s nothing else to say about either of these two schmohawks.

Fernando Rodney/Joel Zumaya – Leyland officially removes Rodney from the role of closer and inserts Zumaya. *wipes hand, lights cigarette, whistles* Then Rodney throws three innings of no-hit baseball while K’ing 5. Meanwhile, Zumaya gives up 4 runs, three unearned, to blow the save and take the loss. Bad week to quit sniffing glue.

Chris Carpenter – 5 IP, 2 Ks, 0 ER. Solid start, but Ks are low. He gets the Cubs next. That will be when we find out if his fantasy baseball owners have coconuts or marbles.

Shane Victorino – 11th homer yesterday. Rios still has 8.

Mike Hampton – 7 IP, 2 ER and his first win since God knows when. If you think this is a sign to pick him up, get your head examined.

Edinson Volquez – 5 IP, 5 ER. Take out the Liquid Paper cause we’re making corrections.

Alfonso Soriano – HR yesterday. I never have him on any team. Haven’t in a few years. I think I’m drafting Soriano next year. The more injury prone he is, the better. If you would’ve had… *pulls name from hat* Cody Ross while Soriano was down, your overall numbers would look pretty good right now.

Brandon Morrow – GM What’s His Face, “Okay, guys, we’ve made some seemingly intelligent decisions lately so that allows us the chance to slide a stupid move through. Any suggestions?” Yes Man, “Have the cable company charge extra money to watch Ichiro bat!” Yes Man 2, “Bring back Jose Guillen for Fan Appreciation Day.” Yes Man 3, “Curse at the elderly!” GM What’s His Face, “No, I need something just plain dopey.” In the back of the room, the Janitor pipes in, “Make the best reliever a starter.” “Well, it did work for the A’s…. And either way, we’ll still suck. Give that Janitor Sunday nights off!”

  1. wakeNbake says:

    Potential for biggest second half… Hanley, Pujols, Arod

  2. Mike says:

    rank these 3B for the rest of season. Gordon, Mora, Zimmerman and Encarnacion.

  3. agar says:

    Who gets the better end of the deal in this trade:

    Hamilton and Carp For Harden and Youk?

  4. Joe says:

    @Mike: Encarnacion, Gordon, punt

    @agar: Depends what you need, but it seems pretty fair.

  5. TxAgRat says:

    A stupid move… really? I’d rather have a home grown starter (something Morrow was always supposed to be) and pick up relief pitchers like Eddie G on the FA market… as opposed to dropping $12+million a year on mediocrity like Carlos Silva and J-Wash. When in the middle of… scratch that… at the beginning of a rebuilding process like the M’s are facing, who cares which guy is going to be shutting the door in the 9th when the W’s will be scarce at best anyways?

  6. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @wakeNbake: That’s like saying which apple tests the best out of these three apples, but… A-Rod.

    @Mike: EE, Gordon, Mora, Zim.

    @agar: Harden/Youk.

    @TxAgRat: Seattle, as an organization, is in rough shape. Weirdly, this time last year they were contenders. My condolences if you are a fan.

    Round-Up of the Round-Up:

    Stop picking on Rios. 11th ranked player! in Yahoo! last! month!

    Big high five on bad week to stop sniffing glue. Hit me! No? Later maybe?

    Rodney’s 3 IP w/ 5K were a bittersweet goodbye. Man, I would not like to be the cigarette Leyland is huffing next time it’s bottom-nine up two-one.

    What’s the play on Izzy? Please say “Drop that dead-armed hooligan, ’cause when he’s blowing three-run leads, you don’t want his dirty, dirty saves.”

    Right now I have Soria/Izzy/Zoom/Guardado/Heilman. The new plan: a) Dump Izzabelle b) hold on Zoom and Eddie; c) pray; d) re-pick up Zeigler assuming some sucktard in my league doesn’t grab him since I stupidly dropped him; e) stopped chasing saves like some sort of zombie crackwhore.

  7. Joe says:

    @TxAgRat: I agree, i see no reason why Putz can’t return to being very effective, look at Ryan and Gonzalez this year, and Morrow was always supposed to be a starter, and could be a very good one.

    @agar: On second thought, i like the Hamilton end better.

  8. Denys says:

    Paul Konerko has now homered twice in the last 3 games. Is this a sign I should grab him off the free agency? Or leave the tease floating?

  9. Denys says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: My new love is Rafa Perez… that’s until the ChiSox rough him up for 3 in a third.

  10. SaltyBiscuits says:

    Whats the scoop on Joe Saunders? Why is he still pitching well?

    Almost playoff time in my league, speculating at some pitchers who might be 2 starters for week 1 of playoffs, and I think Joey will be.

    Should I try and acquire Saunders? Maybe for a Jose Valverde type?

  11. BigFatHippo says:

    Nice Trading Places reference Grey. Is it just me or is that the last time Eddie Murphy was funny?

    Rodney, Zumaya: Ugh, double Ugh.

  12. Grey

    Grey says:

    @wakeNbake: Hanley, Arod, Pujols

    @Mike: Gordon, Encarnacion, Mora then Zimmerman.

    @agar: It’s real close, but I’d prefer the Hamilton side. I could see a case made for the other side.

    @TxAgRat: I meant the guys in charge couldn’t even think up a dumb move, then the janitor says a smart move they think is dumb but is actually smart… Ugh, I shouldn’t have to explain it. My bad for confusing you. I think it’s a good move for real baseball. But it’s not all bad if I pulled a Razzball lurker out of the woodwork. Welcome!

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: I think Eddie G. will be just as ugly by next week. Zumaya may not get the job done at all. Heilman? Ugh. So you got Sophie’s Choice of crap relievers. Not sure how you figured to drop Izzy. He’s got as good a chance as any of them.

    @Denys: I think it could be a sign. Any time someone who averages 35 HRs/year is way below that, I bet on them to come around.

    @SaltyBiscuits: Picture you’re at a craps table. Someone throws snake eyes five rolls in a row. You think about betting on it for a sixth, but realize it’s still a bad bet even though he’s thrown it five in a row. i.e. Saunders might keep this up, but you don’t want to bet on it.

    @BigFatHippo: Thanks.

  13. Denys says:

    @Grey: Well I don’t really have anyone to drop, my line-up is set. I need my saves/holds guys (Ziegler, Rafa Perez, HC Kuo, BJ Ryan, and Papelbon). Dropped Francisco to pick up Gio for tonight’s start, and the rest of my rotation is being kept – Sabathia, Billingsley, Harang, Bedard, Maine, Kershaw.

    I think best case scenario is that Konerko remains on the free agency and one of three things happen, prompting a pick-up.

    1. Gio gets blown up tonight.
    2. Kershaw doesn’t keep up his string of recent acceptable performances.
    3. Bedard is ruled out for the season.
    4. Drop Maine? (remember it’s a 16 team league).

  14. Denys says:

    Ohh shit, when did I get editing capabilities?

  15. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Denys: 1. Would be a worst case scenario. 2. Very possible. 3. Extremely possible. 4. Not yet.

    Show of hands for who thinks this editing comments thing works okay. Thanks in advance for your feedback.

  16. BigFatHippo says:


    How does the editing thing work?

  17. ABell says:

    just posting a comment so that i can look at editing it.

    and… edit.

  18. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: I’m assuming you’re saying not well.

  19. Nick says:

    Alright coming down to the end of the season and need to make some deals. Deadline is 8/10 and this is an 8-team Roto League

    OF-Quentin, C. Lee, Dye
    BN-Delgado, Burrell

    SP-Sabathia, Zambrano, E. Santana, Greinke, Baker
    RP-Hoffman, B. Wilson, Torres, Kobayashi, Gonzalez

    I know Ortiz should be traded but for who? I can’t be throwing around dumb trades with 4 days left I need realistic trades. Waiver Wire looks like this…C. Jackson, Cantu, D. Murphy, Polanco, and many others but nothing that will probably make or break my team. Anyone I should look to trade other than Ortiz? Who should I look for him? Any help is appreciated.

  20. BigFatHippo says:


    No, it works. Just takes a while.

  21. Denys says:

    @Grey: yeah dude, it’s really slow to load. but it works.

    I like the timer, it gives you time to look over and see if you messed anything up, but once you walk away you’re done. which is how it should be. nice addition *thumbs up*

  22. BigFatHippo says:

    I didn’t want to edit that comment but it left it up there anyway.

    Comment #20

  23. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: Okay, I never trade for closers, but maybe Ortiz for Lidge or Fuentes/Heilman or Marmol/Fuentes or some combination of two middle tier closers or one top level closer for Ortiz. Then slot Delgado in at first. Or go after a top starter that’s been a bit shakey, say Hamels. Cause I’m not sure Greinke and Baker are going to get it done. Or Markakis and Dye for Tex, slot Tex in at UT and Burrell in at OF. What do you think about these possibilities?

  24. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Denys: @BigFatHippo: Takes a while even if you’re not editing. So it’s a drawback? Or takes a while only if you’re editing? So it’s good addition that only slows things up if you want to edit?

  25. ABell says:

    i like it. its a little cumbersome, but works. i’ll love it as soon as i post something dumb and want to change it.

    EDIT: its only slow if you want to edit, so its a good addition, methinks

  26. Nick says:

    I don’t like Ortiz for a Closer either. What do you think of Harden? He is on a last place team that has ditched pitching all together (at least I think so considering he has Morrow, Jones, Hudson, Maine & Joba all injured) So If I go after Harden I’m trying Ortiz & Burrell. Starting pitching would help me considering I can still gain some grounds on ERA/WHIP so I’m going to push for that. Also with that team he has Reyes who I really want for Rollins but he won’t do it so I’m going to try and make a trade with Harden & Reyes for Rollins/Ortiz/ Someone else??

  27. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: Fair enough on the closer. I don’t mind Harden for Ortiz but A) you’re trading with a last place team, some people might look down on this B) Harden’s risky. I like the 2nd trade with Reyes included better. Rollins/Ortiz/Greinke or Burrell, i.e. one of your 2nd tier players.

  28. Livan Hernandez on the Rockies is so Razztastic that it can’t be true. He will somehow pitch brilliantly and outhomer the opponents. Otherwise, you might have sealed the Razzball pennant by picking him up…you bastard.

  29. Nick says:

    @Grey: Ok thanks…also I don’t want to bench Delgado today but I have Markakis, C. Lee, Quentin & Dye who all have good research too. Just leave him benched? Ortiz is at 1st as we already went over but he has good research too.

  30. Nick says:

    @Grey: One more trade proposition…I just texted my friend Ortiz/Burrell for Howard…his response “interesting, sir”… whata ya think?

  31. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: That’s the problem with having extra, capable hitters. I’d leave it the way you have it, but I could see benching Ortiz until he starting hitting. Though I hate the idea of benching Ortiz ever.

  32. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: I like Howard better than Ortiz, so yeah, I’d do that.

  33. yak says:

    As a suburban Detroiter, I just wanted to let everyone know how bad the Tiger’s bullpen situation is. Fans are pleading to have Bobby Seay as the closer. He is the only effective arm in the ‘pen currently on the roster and many feel he may get a shot. Just an FYI for the extreme save-whores in the crowd. Anyone know when yahoo will make Mike Hennemen available?

  34. yak says:

    Ha! The Detroit Chamber of Commerce uses an eerily similar picture to that on it’s literature. Lucikly I’m from west of the city, but The Booby Trap is a common bachelor party threat here in Ann Arbor.

  35. Grey

    Grey says:

    @yak: Actually, spent the night in Ann Arbor. Seemed like a nice town. Reminded me of Austin, Boston and lots of other college towns.

  36. yak says:

    Naked Mile, Hash Bash, Rich Girls with daddy’s credit card……Home sweet home!

  37. Grey

    Grey says:

    @yak: When I went to school, all girls wore sweaters and thongs were for whores. C’est la vie.

  38. Denys says:

    @Grey: For me, it takes about 30-45 seconds to load up the comment to edit. So it’s good in the sense that if you’re really willing to edit something then you’ll wait there. But if you just kinda sorta want to edit it – then you might not waste the time doing it.

    …Whatever that means. Anyway, it’s a good addition I fully support.

  39. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Denys: Cool, thanks. Rudy tried it out and seemed to like it too. Guess we’ll keep it for a little while and see what happens.

    *****Anyone who has strong objections to the Editing of the comments. Speak now please. Thank you.

  40. Denys says:

    @Grey: at my school, girls wore both sweaters and thongs… c’est ma vie.

  41. BigFatHippo says:


    Down here in the bootheel they wear a sweater-thong. It’s a thong made of wool, least I hope that’s wool.


    The edit works fine once I figured out how to use it, just let it ride if you don’t want to edit, it goes away.

  42. Nick says:

    I don’t understand why Cleveland does not put there Closer Kobayashi in when there up by 3….now there tied and they decide to put him in so he can get wrecked…i think i need to drop him cause the Indians don’t know how to play baseball

  43. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: I was wondering the same thing.

  44. Nick says:

    If I drop Kobayashi I don’t think there is any other Closer I could pickup cause there all taken. How about Campillo, worth it in an 8 team league?

  45. Nick says:

    Pitt, New York & Washington are the only teams with Closers available in my league, what do you think?

  46. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: His next start is a bit risky, but I do like Campillo a bunch. I would go for R. Perez though if I were fishing for saves.

  47. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: Perez, Heilman, Kunz, Hanrahan, Grabow, Sanchez, punt.

  48. Nick says:

    @Grey: How about I just drop Kobayashi and get Polanco and sub him in for Kendrick when the research is right ??? I’m in 5th for saves but 3 of the 4 in front of me are WAY in front

  49. Mike says:

    What 2B/3B combo do you like better…. Kendrick/Chipper or Phillips/Reynolds??

  50. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: Polanco? Eh, he’s just Kendrick with less injuries. I don’t like that.

    @Mike: Phillips/Reynolds.

  51. RT says:

    Somewhat stupid question, but anyone starting Marcum tonight in T.O.?

  52. Grey

    Grey says:

    @RT: Marcum’s a mess and I wouldn’t trust him against anyone right now.

  53. Grey

    Grey says:

    Sorry, guys, the Editing Comments was slowing down the Razz’s inner workings.

  54. Freak says:

    Morrow went 15-4 as a starter for me in MLB 2k8.

    I’m pretty sure that translates to the real world.

  55. Nick says:

    @Grey: Went against your call for once and picked up Polanco and dropped Kendrick. I was looking at Kendrick’s stats and he just doesn’t put up the numbers Polanco has this season. Also Polanco is in the 2 spot while Kendrick is always at the bottom of the line-up. And last but not least Yahoo ranks Polanco 121 on the season while Kendrick is ranked 303. I’m sure this transaction won’t make or break my team as they both blow but it makes it more interesting for me too follow other players…O & Kendrick is 0/3 today.

  56. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: Eh, as you say, it’s neither here nor there really. I forgive you.

  57. Zebo says:

    @Grey: is Karstens worth a look?

  58. Zebo says:

    @Grey: I am sticking with Ortiz, because without Ortiz, I definitely will not win this league, with him, I may have a chance, right now I trail the leader by 20 points in the 11 team roto league.

  59. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: May be unsubstantiated, but that girl’s hot. I’d drop my link in her blog any day.

  60. SaltyBiscuits says:

    Trying to send Magglio, C. Guillen and Nathan to someone for Hanley and Nady.

    Closers are extremely valuable in our format though.


  61. Grey

    Grey says:

    @SaltyBiscuits: I like it, but how short-handed does it leave you in the saves department?

  62. SaltyBiscuits says:

    We go Head to Head points based (strange at first but I kind of like it now), so I don’t even have to start a closer at all. But they are a dependable point source since saves are worth the same as wins. A closer is a better start than a 1-start pitcher normally (Weekly lineups). So the normal strategy is as many start-worthy 2-start pitchers and closers as you can, with occasional 1-start studs in your active category.

    I only would have Capps, potentially Wainwright and Eddie Guardado… hah. But I have several good starters to which I could fill out my 7 pitchers. Peavy, Pelfrey, Ollie, Parra, Baker, Maine, Josh Johnson, Armando Galaragga.

  63. SaltyBiscuits says:

    To give you an idea, K-Rod is the #1 pitcher in overall points, Papelbon is 6th, Soria 7th, Nathan is 16th. A good closer is a great thing to have in a weekly format. So I keep thinking I should keep Nathan.

  64. SaltyBiscuits says:

    @Grey: It would be really quite spectacular to have an infield of Doumit, Miggy, Kinsler, Hanley and Wright. But unfortunately, I think you’re right.

    I just withdrew offer. I also have Valverde, who I might try to move instead. Nathan on a good Twins team in a pennant race is a great asset.

  65. Grey

    Grey says:

    @SaltyBiscuits: Well, you didn’t tell me you also had Valverde, but that’s okay. It’s still a bit too much. Yes, it would be quite the spectacular infield to lose with.

  66. agar says:

    Barajas moon shot off of Gio.

  67. Grey

    Grey says:

    @agar: He looks like he has good stuff, but, yeah, he got hit a bit.

  68. BigFatHippo says:


    Wonder it Denys is watching Gio? Kidding Denys, I hope he gets it together.

    I sat Lowe tonight so you can say “I told you so” when he shuts out the Redbirds.

  69. agar says:

    yeah just made Lind look bad.

  70. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: Dooode, gets it together? His stuff is nasty.

  71. BigFatHippo says:


    Raf Perez or Hanrahanan going forward?

    Amazingly, Perez available in my league.

  72. BigFatHippo says:



    I don’t get the Oakland game so can’t see it. Wish I could.

  73. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: Direct TV, baby!

    Gio hasn’t allowed a hit since the first.

  74. BigFatHippo says:


    Just added him and dropped Han. Thanks

    Interestingly, Chris Perez was picked up in my league in the last hour.

    He’s a Card fan so take it for what it’s worth, but there may be something to it. I didn’t hear pregame so he may have been called up today.

  75. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: You sorta called that one.

    Izzy’s back out.


    “The Cardinals said they’re going to a closer-by-committee following Jason Isringhausen’s poor outing on Tuesday.
    Izzy still hasn’t blown a save since returning from the disabled list, but neither has he done anything to inspire much confidence. The Cards could go back to giving save opportunities to Ryan Franklin for now, and they still haven’t ruled out bringing Adam Wainwright back as a closer.”

  76. BigFatHippo says:


    They did call up Chris Perez today.

    Here’s my vote for throwing him out there and leaving him, at least till Wainwright gets back.

  77. Steve says:

    @Grey: Drop Farnsworth for Perez? I have Zumaya (woo-hoo).

  78. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Grey: So I can drop Izzy now? Yahooo!!!

  79. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Someone in my league just sent me this note:

    “Any interest in Delmon Young?”

    Ah, I’m still laughing.

    Why does anyone anywhere have him on a roster? Unless it’s an All-Delmon league.

  80. BigFatHippo says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins:

    I’ll put my All-Carlos team against your All-Delmon team.

    Check it: Carlos………….



    Who ya got?

  81. Freak says:

    I will put your Carlos team up against my all-Hank White team and destroy you every time.

    Hank White is a god.

  82. BigFatHippo says:



    Frikkin Cubbies.

    You guys never stop do you?

    Have an Old Style on me, I can’t stomach it.

  83. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @BigFatHippo: Uh… Delmon Young?

    Maybe I should have made it an all Young League. Or an all Chris Young league.

    THE BEST PART was that he sent me the Delmon note in the context of trying to convince me that Chris Davis was going to stop hitting soon.

    The same Chris Davis who surpassed Delmon Young’s SEASON TOTAL OF 4 HRs in his 37th at-bat? That guy?

    You know, someone in the RCL actually has Delmon Young. EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

    Btw, Bruce donked again tonight. If anyone cares.

  84. Mike says:

    Just traded Scott Baker for Brian Fuentes…. I am desperate for a good closer and I think I made out good in this one.

  85. BigFatHippo says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins:

    In his defense, Delmon’s hitting .291, that’s better than my .243 average for my whole fricken team!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oddly, someone has Dmitri on his team too.

    Think I’ll pick up Delwyn. Make it a family affair……………

    I hate 16 team leagues.

  86. BigFatHippo says:

    Chris Perez got the last 2 outs in the 8th.

    Buckle down for the 9th, nobody warming up.

  87. Mike says:

    Perez in for the save…. hmmm pick him up?

  88. SaltyBiscuits says:

    Drop Guardado for Perez?

  89. Grey

    Grey says:

    @SaltyBiscuits: Perez is worth a pickup, but not at the expense of Guardado.

  90. RT says:

    I cannot believe I sat Marcum tonight. I desperately needed those stats… I’m going to go cry now.

  91. Mike says:

    Ubaldo and Parra for Figgins… I need a base stealer, is Figgins worth these 2 SP?

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