Hello, friends and countrymen. Welcome to the number one place for your daily fantasy baseball roundup. Without further ado, as if that’s not ado enough, let’s get right to it. I figured it was about time to dedicate a lead to Jeremy Guthrie. Not exciting for you? How about this, all he does is throw quality starts. Seriously. That’s it. What else? Nothing. Quality starts. Get it yet? Quality. Starts. Quality Inn? No! Starts, of the quality variety. He’s tied for 2nd for the most quality starts in the majors. Those tied for first: Lincecum, Johan, Webb and Haren. I told you to pickup Guthrie on May 4th when Gallardo went down. Since then, 125 innings with a 2.92 ERA. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

John Maine – 5 IP, 6 Ks to beat the Nats. (BTW, can we start calling the Nats home, The Peach Pit? Thank you.)

Mike Lowell – To the DL. Oblique strain, but I think they’ve narrowed it down to somewhere in his stomach.

Joel Zumaya – To the DL with a sore right shoulder. Someone must have challenged him to a marathon session of Mario Kart and now this happens. Fernando Rodney should get the first look for saves now (as I write this, Farnsworth is probably saving a game. I keed.). Then guess who returns on Friday, Todd “Your Mother Throws Harder Than Me” Jones. You’re not jonesing for any of that, I tell ya!

Tom Gordon – Out for the season. Back date this to some time in April. Sorry, TG, but you’ve done nothing for a while. Cleats meet hook on the back of closet door. Closet door hook meet cleats.

Chipper Jones – Out of Wednesday lineup with a tummy ache. That whole “I’m playing every game this year” thing he said in April lasted a lot longer than either of us thought it would. The “us” being you and I. Hey you!

Braden Looper – I told you he’d be good this month. Dare I say, Looper’s been super.

Billy Wagner – Due back on Monday. The Mets pitching staff lets out a collective breath. Then Johan, “Wait, Wagner was crappy too.” The Mets pitchers sullenly nod their heads then Pedro Feliciano, “Johan, be happy. Like me.”

Delmon Young – HR yesterday for the second straight game. Somebody’s hot. Who? Delmon, ya’ll.

Jeff Samardzija – Word out of Wrigleyville is the Shark’s starting on Sunday.

Mike Gonzalez – Kazaam! Oh, wait, you kinda have to get the occassional saves to be considered a closer and to get Kazaam’d.

John Grabow – Got his third save. As I said the day before Marte was traded (Ms. Cleo, bitches!), Grabow would get the bulk of the saves. Yates-Schmates.

Tim Lincecum – Said he’ll make his next start. Guess we gotta believe him, though my first inclination is not to.

Chris Perez – Got the save. I try to watch all teams, but sometimes I miss certain players while I flip around Direct TV. Anyway, I saw Perez last night for the first time. Wild at times, but he’s a major league closer.

Ryan Braun – The Hebrew Hammer (BTW, can you imagine Prince Fielder calling Ryan Braun that? About as likely as Bill Gates calling Warren Buffett, “T-Bone.”) says he’s feeling better and should be back by the weekend.

Vernon Wells – Grand slam yesterday. Could have a solid final month and a half, but keep in mind his last huge month was two years ago.

Jorge Campillo – FYI, just so you know, for what it’s worth, I’m bailing. It was good while it lasted, but you gotta know when to hold them and know when to…

CC Sabathia – 114 pitches in 7 innings. All that work Dusty Baker did mentoring Yost and he pulls him after seven?! What happened with changing his name to CG?!

Russell Martin – As his slump drags on, he’s dropped to the 8 hole.  Torre batted Posada 6th through thick and thin. Guess we know which restaurant Torre eats at in the food court — Sbarro!

  1. Freak says:

    The following, for your enjoyment, is a rundown of the categories in my midseason, 12 team rotisserie league.

    Offensive: AB, H, 1B, 2B, 3B, SF, BB, HBP, K, TB, A, E, FPCT, XBH, DPT
    Pitching: APP, W, L, CG, SHO, SV, OUT, H, BB, HBP, WP, HLD, K/BB, PC, BSV

    For reasons unbeknownst to me, I am currently leading by 1.5 points.

  2. Steve says:

    Can anyone make a case to start de la Rosa against the Nats on Friday (your time)/Saturday (my time)?

  3. Denys says:

    @Steve: Uh… yeah! It’s the Nats dude.

    Some notes on the Nationals awesome batting: .242 AVG is worst in the leagues; 448 runs… yep! you betcha that’s the worst; 991 total hits so far… well alright the A’s have them beat by 10 @ 981; HRs you ask? – why 86 – that’s bottom 5 territory (btw, SFG are awful with only 65 whip cracks of their snippy bats); OBP – .314 – they don’t even know what getting on base means; SLG – .362… basically this team is like the Todd Jones of hitting.

  4. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Freak: Well, I don’t know why you’re leading either. Maybe you’ve been helped by the Legion of Razzball?

    @Steve: I agree with Denys. If you need to start someone, against the Nats is a pretty good way to go.

  5. Martin says:

    Grey, my team is in serious help for a good stretch. Do u have any players who can pick my team up off free agents?

  6. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Martin: Who are some of your top free agents? What positions are your weakest?

  7. Shogun says:

    @ Grey: Drop Baker for Maine? Is there a difference between the two?

  8. Nick says:

    @Shogun: As a met fan I’m going to tell you to avoid Maine! Yeah he had a good start, but that was the Nats. I’m obviously hoping for a better finish to the season for NY this year, but we remember what happened last year to them…

  9. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Shogun: I don’t think there’s a big enough difference to warrant making the switch. Maine’s walks have been an issue all year as they were yesterday.

  10. Shogun says:

    @Nick & Grey: Thanks. Admittedly, I haven’t seen Maine pitch all season but have heard hype about him for years. I’ll leave him be for now. If Baker actually gets some run support, he should start piling up wins.

  11. Nick says:

    @Shogun: haha, I have the pleasure of watching Maine get rapped all season on SNY (mets Tv). Not fun, but doesn’t mean he can’t turn it on and be solid for the rest of the season, who knows…

  12. Shogun says:

    @Nick: Yeah, it’s unpredictable. Speaking of unpredictable, is Oliver Perez straightened out, or is this just one of his hot streaks? Some sabermetricians (doesn’t that sound more like a term for a medieval warrior class than a category of fantasy geeks?) were saying that they have statistical evidence that suggests Perez is straightened out, but past frustrations and a strong gut feeling tell me he’ll never be consistently reliable. Any intuitions?

  13. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: But you also get Guiseppe Franco!

  14. Nick says:

    @Grey: haha yeah Ive seen that commercial one too many times. Luckily I’m not losing any hair, considering I’m 20

    @Shogun: Yeah, same deal. Not consistent enough to be owned in fantasy but could be solid. The Met’s are so unpredictable its not even funny!

    Citi Field ’09! I’m glad this is the last season at Shea. They need an upgrade & man is Citi Field an upgrade

  15. SaltyBiscuits says:

    @Nick: The Met’s?

    You’re glad this is the last season at Shea? That made my heart cry tears of sorrow. :(

    I for one will be a blubbering mess during the last game at Shea.

    @Shogun: Ollie Perez is not the same pitcher he was early in the season, when Petersen was his pitching coach. He has altered his mechanics, mound positioning and pitch selection. He has been consistently nasty ever since he made those switches.

    Admitted, I am a Mets homer if you couldn’t figure that out already, but Ollie is definitely on the right track.

  16. Nick says:

    @SaltyBiscuits: Yeah, I go to Shea all the time & I just think its garbage when you compare it too fields that the D-backs have and even Progressive Field (Indians, was there a month ago). Granted its a nice stadium for its date and I had some great times there but its time for CITI FIELD

  17. BSA says:

    @Nick: Boston checking into this gripe session about Shea. We don’t want to hear about it. I am glad I don’t have a fat ass when I visit Fenway.

  18. Nick says:

    @BSA: haha, it’s NY, I don’t expect anything but the best with their payroll.

  19. SaltyBiscuits says:

    @Nick: Out of curiousity, what is your first memory of Shea Stadium?

  20. Nick says:

    @SaltyBiscuits: Probably in 1994. Went there with some of the extended family/cousins & what not. Had a great time and have been going to Shea every season since.

  21. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: @SaltyBiscuits: I grew up in Jersey but I had family in Flushing. We used to go to the Mets more than the Yanks because we could walk to Shea. I’ll never forget the day my dad took me to Shea and it turned out it was a doubleheader. He was so pissed off he had to stay for two games. Good times!

    ******This is fun hearing about this stuff, but let’s continue in the newest post.

    EDIT: It’s just hearing.

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