Ah yes, so we meet again… wait, did we actually formally meet? I mean, technically, we’re meeting again, this is the third year we’ve done this… but did we really meet? Of course I’m an existential crisis waiting to happen, but that’s only because clinical depression requires so much work. I mean, I’d rather jog than emo, ya know? But back to where we started, this is your (and our I suppose) official 2016 Razzball picks. Or selections. Or whatever nomenclature you prefer. I guess whatever it takes for me not to force you to read word “nomenclature” over and over again. We do this because, frankly, we just can’t write about everyone and everything that we love or hate. I mean, we’re talking about 853 players here (source). And so this is the quick and easy “viewer-friendly” version that allows you to quickly see our likes/dislikes/predictions for all of you to promptly point and giggle at. And for added humor, here are last season’s picks, with the bonus value of us again being able to pick on Rudy for choosing Kris Bryant as his sleeper. I’m assuming he thought Bryant was just sleepy and needed a nap, but you might want to ask him about it. Regardless, here are your (and our!) Official 2016 Razzball Picks!
Ever wanted to have a Razzball Podcast devoted to Game of Thrones? No? Oh. Never mind then. But for those of you with an open mind, we have just that for you. Check out our very first episode here!
Note: Everyone chose their picks blind, meaning they didn’t see anyone else’s choices, and possibly used a blindfold. Also, the choices were locked on 3/30/2016.
Major League Baseball Picks
* “Assuming he unretires… and starts playing the outfield… which I’m pretty sure he will!” – Kenyon.
** “Assuming he unretires… which I’m pretty sure he will!” – Kenyon.
Fantasy Baseball Picks
*** “Assuming he unretires… and starts playing the outfield… which I’m pretty sure he will!” – Kenyon.
Break Out Player of The Year (Sleeper)
You might think we’re describing someone who breaks through walls and then falls asleep really fast. Which seems weird. So I wouldn’t really put it past us… To limit the confusion, I’d better point out that these are our potential break out candidates that you should be grabbing long and grabbing hard.
Most Overrated Player of The Year (Bust)
These are the guys being held on a pedestals, who will, in return for all your worship and sacrifice, ruin everything thing you hold dear. See: 2014, Fielder, Prince. Or 2015, Longoria, Evan. Take heed Razzballers, avoid these guys at all costs.
I Think I Love You, So What Am I So Afraid Of? (Infatuation)
Yep, we all have one. Find out which player your Razzball writer has an undying love for, despite any rational reason or purpose.
Come Back Player of The Year (Come Back)
Again, pretty easy to figure out what this one means. Unless you’re Josh Hamilton. BURN.
Most Valuable Fantasy Pitcher (MVFP)
This is where things get sticky. That’s what she said. Technically, this could be the best pitcher overall… but the key word here is value. You know this because I underlined it. While the vanilla pick of Clayton Kershaw could still technically be the most valuable pitcher at the end of the year, there’s still enough room in the definition to allow the possibility that Bruce Chen will come out of retirement, have an ERA of 2.50 and get 20 wins. Seeing as his ownership rate historically always stood in the nothing-to-negative digits and someone like Kershaw is gone by the second round, a performance like that would be the most valuable in the history of mankind. And probably destroy the universe as we know it.
Most Valuable Fantasy Hitter (MVFH)
Same thing as the Most Valuable Pitcher, but with hitters. CRAZY, I know.
Want more of the Jay? Don’t we all folks? Don’t. We. All. Well, you, in fact, can have more. AMAZING. I know. You can find Jay enjoying his digs over at the Football side of Razz.