The sun rising at dawn as two towheaded surfers paddle out on their longboards. One surfer, Rob, wears a business suit and sunglasses. The other surfer looks like Tony Hawk’s wet brother. Tony Hawk’s wet brother asks, “Why the business threads, my brosef?” “I’m the commissioner of baseball and could be called into action at any time.” “Whoa, right on.” Rob points at the ocean, cascading out in front of them, “You see this Tony Hawk’s Wet Brother? This water as far as the eye can see?” “I do, my brosef.” “This is juice that I will be stuffing into baseballs.” “Whoa, right on.” And that’s Our Commissioner Manfred surfing in the morning sun. Yesterday, was another day for the long ball bizzonkers led by the Diamondbacks. Leading off literally and, well, literally, Jarrod Dyson went 2-for-4 and hit his 4th homer. Inner monologue, “You know you want to compare how many home runs Dyson has to David Dahl. You know you want to do it, so do it. Come on. Compare them.” Dyson’s having a nice year. “A nice year compared to who? Say it!” Hopefully, Dyson keeps it up. “You are the lamest!” Next up literally and literally, Ketel Marte went 3-for-5, 2 runs and hit his 16th homer. “I dare you to compare Marte to David Dahl!” Shut up, Inner Monologue! I hate you! Next up literally and literally, David Peralta went 1-for-4 and hit his 9th homer, as they started the game Dback-to-back-to-back. Four home runs is most home runs ever hit in a row. That record is in jeopardy this year in every inning. Then not literally, Ildemaro Vargas went 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and hit two homers (3, 4). I have a hard time suggesting him because names starting with Il confuse my pea brain. You Il Duce? No? Then goodbye! Finally and literally, Eduardo Escobar went 4-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and hit his 16th and 17th homer, hitting .299. Gabe Kapler said to the opposing pitcher, Jer-khoff, “Don’t blow this,” and Escobar screamed, “Did someone say blow?!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
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