We are almost there folks. Where is there? Draft time. BUT EVERYONE JUST HOLD UP FOR A SECOND. Remember that one time when I set 100 RCL’s as my personal goal, and therefore, by mitosis, or photosynthesis, or osmosis, or dry-humping, it became your personal goal? Yeah. In this regard, we are not almost there. I mean, technically we are, only 25 more leagues… but drafts are right around the corner. It’s gonna be close. WE’RE TOO CLOSE MAN. Just 25 more commissioners… look, how about this… if you go commish a league right now (yes, we can totally have more than 100, in fact, I prefer it), I promise to go over some of the leagues that have drafted already. Sure, that’s something I was going to do anyways, but this comes with free shipping and handling. Because boy do I know how to handle it. Whatever that means. But sure, even if you don’t commish a league, you can still continue reading after the jump… I can’t stop you, per say. But I promise you there will be guilt. I WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A CATHOLIC. If you’re already Catholic, well, you have enough guilt to deal with, so yeah. Take that, I guess.
So… thanks for jumping. If you want to be a commissioner or join a league, just scroll down to the bottom, because we got some drafts to talk about around here.
Congratulations to the four leagues that have drafted so far. Upton my grill, Skunk Beard (by J-FOH), Beddict’s butth*le pleasures (by Tehol) (by-the-way, that’s ESPN’s censorship at work, because Disney, I guess), and Slamming Sammys have zero efs to give when it comes to Spring Training injuries. Kudos to your bravery. Or stupidity. Speaking of brave stupidity, here are some interesting things to be interested about in these leagues:
Which Player was Selected First, After Mike Trout?
Upton my grill: Andrew McCutchen, by Team Stav. I imagine this team to be full of Russians. In Russia, Fantasy Baseball plays you.
Skunk Beard: Andrew McCutchen, by Melvin’s Kids. Not sure why I read this as Marvin (the Martian) at first. Maybe I think he would have been a great father?
Beddict’s butth*le pleasures: Giancarlo Stanton, by Team Gams. For those of you who are below the age of 70, let me translate…”Team Hot Lady Legs”.
Slamming Sammys: Giancarlo Stanton, by Team Searles. I don’t want to live in a world where there are no more Sears.
Clayton Kershaw Watch
Upton my grill: Round 1, Pick 7, by Team Work. Team Work you long time…naw what I’m sayin’?
Skunk Beard: Round 1, Pick 10, by The Great Knoche. I prefer Gnocchi.
Beddict’s butth*le pleasures: Round 1, Pick 6, by Team Rogers. Probably the most generic-sounding team ever. Or one that belongs to the ghost of Mr. Rodgers. Which would be pretty cool.
Slamming Sammys: Round 1, Pick 11, by Fevered Vorhees VII. Meh, III was my favorite.
Which Player was Selected Last?
Upton my grill: Kevin Quackenbush, by Calgary Cannons. They have cannons in Canada? Do they shoot out common pleasantries? Eh?
Skunk Beard: Ryan Cook, by Orange Snacks. I prefer Tangerine Snacks bro.
Beddict’s butth*le pleasures: Wily Peralta, by Buge Hoobs. Go home, you’re drunk!
Slamming Sammys: Tony Watson, The Flaming FIPs. Sounds like a venereal disease. This might actually be an okay thing though…
First Padres Player Selected First, After Justin Upton and Matt Kemp
Upton my grill: Tyson Ross, Round 8, Pick 91 by Oh Melvin. We meet again, Martian man. This is actually the second time in my life I’ve said this. Don’t ask…
Skunk Beard: Tyson Ross, Round 7, Pick 81 by Crop Dustin. Let me guess, you’re a crop? BUT WHAT KIND OF CROP? Your move Dustin.
Beddict’s butth*le pleasures: James Shields, Round 6, Pick 71 by Team Gams. Hot Lady Legs, I wanted us to meet again…
Slamming Sammys: James Shields, Round 8, Pick 87 by Nerf Herders. God, getting flashes of this…makes me want to wash out my mouth with Blink 182, and that’s a hateful thing to do.
TO JOIN A LEAGUE
Click the LINK in the ‘League Link’ column (see below grid) and enter the PASSWORD at ESPN. Emails are there for some leagues, but you shouldn’t need to email anyone. You can join as many leagues as you like.
TO START A LEAGUE
Please create a league in ESPN based on the league rules reference above. Step by step: Hit Create. Then Create ESPN Custom (middle option), Name League, Change to 12 Teams, Restriction Type: None, Open to All Users, Access: change to Private, create Password, leave as Roto and Snake, Make Draft Date and Time, Create. From Default settings all you have to do is change to TWO DL SLOTS and 180 Starts by pitchers. So, you go to ROSTERS and Click “Edit Roster Settings.” There, change to 2 DL Slots and 180 Starts (the counter will change to 20.0 per slot). Then SUBMIT Roster Settings. Finally, Create Your League! (Important Note: Make sure league is viewable to public but requiring a password to avoid non-Razzballers joining.) When that’s finished, click here. You will be permissioned shortly so you can add your league info to the Google Doc (the below grid cannot be edited from this page). On that Google Doc, you will need to enter your name, league link, password and please UPDATE the number of openings as your league fills up. That’s it. Oh, and don’t use your bank account password. (Here’s a video Jay made to help some noobs. Is noobs spelled with zeroes or oh’s? Hmm…) You can start as many leagues as you like.
