Donkey Teeth and I had the pleasure of welcoming Don Zemmer (a sentence I’m sure you expected to read pre-pandemic) to our Patreon podcast.

Who?

Dot dot dot.

Don Zemmer, fools! The guy who sings popular songs using baseball players’ names! Allow me to give you an example for the underknowers and not-yet-appreciators. For the unsubscribed and not-yet-hip-to-the-unhip. For the uninitiated and unsatiated. For the what-the-heck-are-you-talking-abouters and the seriously-fill-me-in-I’m-cluelessers! Here’s some of Don Zemmer’s best:

And we hit that young brother with the toughest questions you can imagine about singing players’ names to popular songs. What’s the hardest words to find in baseball player names? Asked and answered! Do you repeat baseball player names? Asked and, follow along here, answered! How Jewish are you? Asked, and, um, answered, though that has less to do with the songs. I find a brother from another mother and prolly father in Don Zemmer when I find out he’s Italian and Jewish, a fellow pizza bagel. If you want to hear this lovefest as much as you want to hear me beg for him to do a cover of Weird Al’s White & Nerdy, you’re going to want to tune in for this episode. (Obligatory explanation to what’s going on and real world implications.) We’re charging $5 per month for this podcast as I try to pay writers, server costs and keep Razzball afloat. Also, it would help if you bought a season-long ad-free subscription. To subscribe to the Patreon podcast click that link-a-ma-whosie. Also, you get free pics of Donkey Teeth in the hospital. (Seriously, but it’s un-Rona-related, sadly.) To follow, Don Zemmer on Twitter click his name, my dudes, and to subscribe to his Youtube click that link, homies.

 
  1. galica says:
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    Grey!!!

    Great patreon pod!

    a. Really missing these podcasts!! A fellow ‘pizza bagel’…I’m dying man.

    b. Actually, when I saw his name the first thing I thought of was Don Zimmer! No jokes. But then I remembered he passed away a few years ago, so RIP Don Zimmer.

    c. MLB quote of the day for June 4, 1994

    ‘The reason I think I’m a good pitcher is I locate my fastball and I change speeds. Period. That’s what you do to pitch. That’s what pitchers have to do to win games.’

    Gregory Alan Maddux. Maddux is the only pitcher in MLB history to record 15 wins in 17 consecutive seasons and also the only pitcher with 300+ wins, 3000+ strikeouts and less than 1000 walks.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • baby seal says:
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      RIP!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      A. Can you believe it? I’ve never met a fellow pizza bagel in the wild before, my mind was partially blown

      B. RIP Don Zimmer

      C. His quote was boring like him

  2. MattTruss

    MattTruss says:
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    If anyone is looking to nab all of Grey’s dart throws in an RCL, we have another drafting tonight (8 PM ET) and our final one drafting Thursday night (9 PM ET), click below and you are in!

    TONIGHT: https://www.fantrax.com/newui/fantasy/joinLeague.go?leagueId=xzmfdzo0k62zwoio&isSubmit=y

    THURSDAY: https://www.fantrax.com/newui/fantasy/joinLeague.go?leagueId=bw0tx1q2k61hmawp&isSubmit=y

    Thursday’s league only has one right now and if it doesn’t fill, I’ll push it to mid-May.

    • baby seal says:
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      Teoscar in the first or GTFO!

      • krazyivan says:
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        If he’s not there in the first then I can fall back to Danny Santana.

        • baby seal says:
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          hahaha!

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Tell him Baby Seal! Tell him!

        • baby seal says:
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          Fun Fact: Did you know he’s the fastest player on the Jays, according to Sprint Speed?

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Teoscar!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks, Truss!

  3. William Hung says:
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    never thought I’d be first to comment! first!

    • William Hung says:
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      crap nevermind… this ended up 3rd… damn internet!

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Haha

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha

  4. baby seal says:
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    What up dude? Did you finish szn 4 of TLK yet? Haven’t started — can’t wait….

    Here’s the FT BB 100 (that’s Fantrax Best Ball 100, where WALKS count for points, as a reminder :) #SquadSoFar from the wheel (12th pick):

    Lindor
    Bregman
    Morton
    Alonso
    Muncy
    Montas
    Soler
    Schwarber

    Wanted to grab another pitcher w/ one of those last two picks, but there was a huge run on the guys I liked right before… so just doubled up on the OF instead… I’ll correct that next time around.

    Some guy named “Mets” has 6 pitchers and Carlos Correa… wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!

    Some guy named “Fauda” has zero pitchers so far… wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      TLK is so good — Ralph and I talk a bit about it (no spoilers) on our pod on Tuesday or Wednesday

      Fauda!

      What happened with the Nux draft?

      Your team looks solid, I don’t like Bregman, but you know that

      • NUX says:
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        Something is wrong with the Invite Owners link for that next draft we were planning to start today. I can’t figure it out. Still waiting to here back from NFBC about it. Stay tuned!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Wait, we’re starting today?

          • NUX says:
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            I mean I wanted to get going soon, but I haven’t been able to get the link out to anyone. Maybe tomorrow, will comment when I hear back from the NFBC crew

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Ah, cool

          • baby seal says:
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            Seems unlikely, haha…

        • Malicious Phenoms says:
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          I sent you a DM on twitter. Am I in this draft?

      • baby seal says:
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        Thanks and looking forward to it!!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Please report back after each episode and give me your immediate take

          • baby seal says:
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            ROFL, I think you are being serious, but can never be certain w/ you!

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Always serious!

              • baby seal says:
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                aye aye, captain!

      • baby seal says:
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        I got Franimal on the squad!!!

        Dream of having Schwarber and Franny on the same squad has been completed — and we have Soler on there too — let’s go!!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Sexy!

  5. baby seal says:
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    Oh yeah, and while I’m not a Pizza Bagel like you, at least we have the “Pizza” part in common!!

    Very funny, haha.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      A pizza bagel is the only way to eat a pizza or a bagel

      • Coolwhip

        Coolwhip says:
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        your bagel half would like a few words with you. lol.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Bagel half needs to stop stressing about losing its hair; the Italian side’s got this!

          • Coolwhip

            Coolwhip says:
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            haha, and the newyorker half of each of those halves says “forget about it!”

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Haha, pretty much!

            • baby seal says:
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              *fogettaboutit!

          • Coolwhip

            Coolwhip says:
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            Not as good as my Garver article!!! I did it first.

            though… this quote is now going on my wall…
            “I think home runs are the coolest thing you can do,” he later continued. “That’s how much I love them. That’s why I try to hit them every at-bat.”

            • baby seal says:
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              Hahahaha, you haven’t seen that quote before??? Shocked I tell ya, SHOCKED!

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                Haha

  6. Chin Music and Astros says:
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    Grey,

    I forget what your full season projections were for J-Ram before you adjusted for the shortened season. What were they again?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Oh, I don’t know, divide each number by 100, then multiply by 162

      • Chin Music and Astros says:
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        Thinking about COVID and the impact it can have on baseball economics and soon-to-be free agents. Should the Tribe move Lindor this season, J-Ram’s numbers across the board are going to drop. No one else really in that lineup.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          They 100% should move Lindor now, but are any teams buying rn?

          • Chin Music and Astros says:
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            I would imagine any big market team would be interested in Lindor.

            Separate question, I’m interested in a power bat that can also score runs too. Looking at Nelson Cruz, if he had his usually number of at-bats, he would’ve scored 95 runs in addition to his HR and RBI numbers. With the addition of Donaldson and that Twins lineup, a healthy Cruz should be a 95-100/35-40/100 guy in a full season.

            I have a deep roster of quality SP. Between Bauer and Gray, who would you give up to get Nelson Cruz?

            I like to favor good ratios balanced with the K’s and QS.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Bauer

              • baby seal says:
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                Agree!

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Baby seal and I are back on the same page!

                  • baby seal says:
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                    Phew, finally boinked my gf last night to get out all the pent up frustration! hahaha

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      TMI!

                    • baby seal says:
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                      NEVER!

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Haha, better be true!

                  • Chin Music and Astros says:
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                    Ok, so to complete the triad – GIVE UP Bauer to GET the old man Cruz?

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Sounds fair

                    • baby seal says:
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                      Only question is if you can get a position player instead of Cruz? He’s good, but old and only plays UT obviously…

                      That’s the only thing I would add, other than it seems fine!

                      Could also get some speed — feel like that’s a better use of dealing an arm like that away (unless you *really* don’t need any)… like Laureano would be sweet and get you those runs too.

                      good luck!

          • baby seal says:
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            Pretty sure there’s some sort of trade freeze (or for any transactions, I think) right now, no?

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              All rosters are frozen, I believe

      • baby seal says:
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        Then take the square root and multiply by pi

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ah, so you’ve figured out the math!

          • baby seal says:
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            I know you’re trying to trick me! There’s one more step I left out and you know it…

            That’s how we win fantasy baseball in 2020!

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Haha, who’s tricking who here?

              • baby seal says:
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                Who’s on first?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Baby Seal!

  7. Coolwhip

    Coolwhip says:
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    Breaking: ESPN agrees to KBO broadcast deal

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’ll be honest, I have no interest…You?

      • Coolwhip

        Coolwhip says:
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        only until ST resumes (or reality sets in that its a lesser product than MLB – I’d actually be really interested in watching NPB but thats still delayed too, sadface) hahaha

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, you’re staying up to 1 AM to watch games?

          • Coolwhip

            Coolwhip says:
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            recordings!

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Ha, gotcha

      • baby seal says:
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        Yeah, basically zero interest too

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, and the time difference doesn’t bode well for me just falling into watching it anyway

          • baby seal says:
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            Believe it or not — and I know this may be hard to believe! — I *do* have better things to do than watch Korean baseball…

            But if I’m home and it’s on during the work day… could see myself throwing it on the tube while muted. Definitely not going out of my way, though.

            Between the KBO and all of the OOTP baseball “content” being pushed out there … kind of sad people “in the industry” can’t find better ways to spend their time. Do some research or dive into the minor league system … IDK, but I don’t see how this is either A) interesting, or B) going to help anyone get better at fantasy baseball…. my 2 cents.

            Personally, I don’t have enough time in the day to look at all the baseball stuff I want to research and would never normally have time to do! I’ll take it — allows me to catch up to where everyone else is, since I’m just really starting to ramp on the player pool of ~700 or whatever this year…

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Yeah, agreed…Plus, I have to imagine everyone is going to drop KBO content once MLB returns, so they’re just going to abandon it? Meh

              • baby seal says:
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                Exactly, like my mother did to me years ago.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Haha, wait, what

                  • baby seal says:
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                    It explains a lot, doesn’t it?

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Everything, really

                • Wake Up says:
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                  Sometimes after you get squeezed outta the hole you get shoved down the old ice hole…

  8. Wake Up says:
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    Not sure what is an Uhtred? Sounds like the stuff the roid boys down the shore would scrape out of their bacne slash the filling inside of Totinos pizza rolls.

    I’m half Italian and half full of Totinos pizza rolls.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Dude, you need to watch, Uhtred is the man

      We’re half brothers!

      • baby seal says:
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        You wish!!!

  9. Wake Up says:
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    Your track record on these is stellar. Maybe after I finish this 40 part Burnsian comment slash documentary on the Antartic Leopard seals…

    On the Totinos pizza rolls side?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Hoping for a slideshow on Totinos pizza rolls that look like Attorney Generals…”Who ate Janet Remo?!”

      • Wake Up says:
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        Why stop at Totinos pizza rolls when we could have Condaleeza Rice…

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I call her Condi Arancini

          • Wake Up says:
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            Now I’m wishing I didn’t get so full on Totinos pizza rolls. Have you reached out to Totinos pizza rolls to sponsor the pod? Promo code:ralph

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Promo code: Getrollsonyourbelly

  10. Coolwhip

    Coolwhip says:
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    Yay! You like my writer’s league team (and Rudy’s numbers hate it LOL)! Man that was forever ago, haha. I think I’m still in a decent place given what type season we will be looking at.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I haven’t looked yet, but I have so many teams that I need serious refreshing on

      • Coolwhip

        Coolwhip says:
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        according to your projections, you are a big fan of me.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Nice work, young padawan!

  11. ryan says:
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    In my 14 team h2h dynasty league I have received some interest in sean murphy. Since I also have Narvaez, Murphy could be expendable. I might be able to get one of these SP for Murphy. Which of these SP should I trade for….Jose Urquidy, AJ Puk or Brendan McKay?

    c sean murphy

    1b max muncy

    2b ozzie albies

    3b rafael devers

    ss bo bichette

    lf juan soto

    cf ronald acuna

    rf austin meadows

    util yuli gurriel

    bn cj cron

    bn omar narvaez

    na andrew vaughn

    na robert puason

    na luis matos

    na jeter downs

    na julio rodriguez

    na erick pena

    sp brandon woodruff

    sp julio urias

    sp max scherzer

    rp scott oberg

    rp ryan pressly

    rp brandon kintzler

    p patrick corbin

    p alex wood

    bn kevin gausman

    bn carlos rodon

    bn deivi garcia

    bn sixto sanchez

    bn edward cabrera

    bn nathan eovaldi

    bn matt shoemaker

    na luis patino

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Urquidy is my favorite from them, but it’s just fair

    • baby seal says:
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      Feel like you should get more for a nice prospect catcher, no?

      Urquidy for floor, Puk for upside… I’d hold.

      Your team is LOADED! Don’t need to thin yourself out at catcher for no reason.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        This prolly true

  12. Stat Man says:
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    From Baseball Reference

    Lourdes Gurriel’s 162 game average – 89/34/92/8/.279. His 606 career at-bats – 82/31/85/7/.279.

    He was raking in spring too. I have no doubt he’ll hit for power and drive people in. Who will drive him in for the runs count though?

    The dual position eligibility is great. I got him as a FA the other day.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I love Lourdes Gurriel too, Stat Man

      • Stat Man says:
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        I’m in a shallow friends league. I have Baez and Abreu in the UTIL slots and Ozuna, Muncy and Lourdes on the bench. I think Ozuna is a decent comparison to replace Abreu in the UTIL with similar counting stats and average. Muncy could also be put in the UTIL slot too, but I want to keep higher average guys in there since I have Olson at 1B.

        Would an offer of Baez and Abreu for Bellinger be fair, insulting or too much to give up? Belli kind of fell off the map AVG-wise 2nd half and is streaky. It was his April that really made his season.

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