So nice to see Yu. Saludos, my Darvish. Come on, let’s mingle. You know, my dear, my father used to say to me, Grey, don’t be a schnook. It’s not how Yu feel. It’s how Yu look. And you, Darvish, you look absolutely marvishlous. Cole Hamels — bleh. R.A. Dickey — eh. Yu Darvish — absolutely marvishlous! When a beautiful girl passes or when you see something you know you may never see again, what do you say? I say, oohbeekadoobie like I’m Billy Crystal impersonating Sammy Davis Jr. Nothing else can express the start Darvish had last night. Oohbeekadoobie, baby, oohbeekadoobie. That’s all I have. Sure, it’s a nonsensical word that’s origin of meaning is bupkis, but when one comes face-to-face with wonder, one is left with nothing but oohbeekadoobie. Just like Darvish pulled up just short of a perfect game, I’ll pull up short of saying he’s a number one/top ten starter off of one start in April vs. the Astros. The Astros, mind you, who are put together as a team the same way you used to put together pick up games. If you have a glove and bat, you can play for them. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
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Didja hear? Games started. Yeah, no foolin’. There was practically a full slate of games yesterday, but we didn’t talk about any of them on the podcast. The bumper sticker on our podcast reads, “We’re timely for a section of Africa that doesn’t have internet.” Yes, we have a long bumper. That’s what she said! Huh? On today’s podcast, we are joined by our prospect writer, Scott Evans (depending on what name Nick introduces him by — it changes on the daily) as he talks about Jose Fernandez and we’re also joined by Tom, our OPS guy, as he talks about closers. Why closers and not OPS? I think Nick just thought OPS stood for give him opportunities. Then Rudy and I take over the ‘cast and we drop on your unkempt ears some players to pick up in 12 team mixed leagues, 15 team mixed leagues, NL-Only and AL-Only. I try to work in some of my beautiful singing… Okay, that’s a lie, I don’t try to work in a song. I sing a song for the better part of the podcast. One song– Nay, one chorus, for 15 minutes. As a youth, I was in the Jewish Tabernacle Choir. Our motto was, “Why do the Mormons gotta have everything not-fun?” So, you’ll enjoy that. We also tackle some hard-hitting questions like, “Why you trading away your whole team, yo? You just drafted them,” and spring takeaways. I prefer Chinese takeaways, but that’s just me. Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast (now in a key of B-flat):
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Unfortunately, Play With Rudy Tonight, my sitcom pitch to NBC, got turned down. I didn’t even get to go through my treatment, I got the ax just with the title. If that wouldn’t have brought in ratings to the flailing network, I don’t know what would. Oh, let’s do another singing show. Just Shoot Me.
If you missed it last week, our friends over at DraftKings are holding their Razzball exclusive Razzball’s Play with Rudy Shot at $50k which begins at 7:07 PM EST tonight. If you’re still new to DraftKings, it’s a sick daily league fantasy site where you can enter all sorts of contests for just a buck or two all the way to the high roller contests where you can win 6-figures. Entry to our exclusive Razzball contest is only $5 and the winner gets entered to win $50,000 in their huge $150,000 Walk-Off contest on April 12th (a $200 value). As Billy Zane would say, “It’s a Walk-off!” “Put a cork in it Zane!” The Play With Rudy pits you against our own Rudy Gamble to pick the best daily lineup for tonight’s action. And it’s limited to only 50 entrants and 27 spots are currently filled, so you gotta sign up fast! Even if you don’t get the best roster, spots 2-10 will double their money and win $10 and 11-20 will break even and win $5. So you’ve got a great shot to win!
Here’s some guys I like tonight to make Rudy The Biggest Loser (enough NBC puns already!):
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Mike Trout who?! AL Rookie of the Year last year and runner-up for the MVP. He also had one of the best rookie years ever. I know, Random Italicized voice. I was being facetious to show my excitement for Bryce Harper. Like Bryce Harper is so good I’ve forgotten all about Mike Trout. He’s the Angels center fielder. He’s got a girlfriend, but I bet I could weasel my way in with my slanted words. Forget it, Random Italicized voice. Like you forgot Mike Trout? I hate you! Rudy’s mentioned this before, but there’s very few hitters that have top 20 overall potential. You have to be able to hit 45+ homers (Stanton, Bautista) without killing you in any category or be consistently excellent across four categories (Pujols, Fielder, Votto, Cano) or have the potential for your homers and steals to total 50 (Trout, Braun, McCutchen, CarGo, Jones, Kemp, Upton). It’s slightly early to put Harper in that last group. But the potential is there, as he showed yesterday when Harper touched ’em all once, he touched ’em all Bryce. If you own him, I wouldn’t let him go at any price. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
2013 Angels Fantasy Baseball Preview
April 1, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Team Previews | 36 Commentsby: Sky
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2013 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require […]
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SAN FRANCISCO, April 1, 2013 /PRNewswire/ — Bleacher Report has acquired Razzball.com, one of the fastest growing independent fantasy sports blogs, as announced today by Dave Nemetz, Founder and VP of Strategy. Razzball and its fantasy baseball, football, basketball, and hockey offerings will now operate as part of Bleacher Report’s new ‘Fantasy Sports’ channel.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Seriously, it’s week one and you already need my help? Really? Your draft go that poorly that you’re looking for a hitter to stream during the very first week of the season? Well, who am I to complain if I’m getting a readership right off the bat, I guess. But next year, why don’t you contact me a little sooner. We can do lunch together. Heck, I might even spring for the check. We might even eat at one of those fancy places that puts a lemon in the water glass where all the waiters remember the daily specials and make you stare up their nose when you talk to them. We can bring in a fake fly and put it in the soup to get them in trouble with their manager and watch some snooty on snooty action which isn’t as much fun but much more sanitary than Snooki on Snooki action. Wait, where was I? Oh right, it’s week 1 and you’re already struggling to compete. I’m no soothsayer but I foresee a tough road ahead for you. But in any event, that’s why I’m here, to guide you to weekly fantasy glory. I’m going to start this crazy little thing off with a hitter who really likes Homeschooling in David Murphy and how he can help you out for week 1 of the 2013 fantasy baseball season…
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Opening Day Excess Lives In Texas
April 1, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 582 Commentsby: Grey
Before you read this, I want you to go outside and look at the birds chirping. Smell the freshly-cut grass. Look up at the sun that your deity of choice made from a very large matchstick. Pat your kid on the head and tell them, “I don’t love you any more today than I did yesterday, but let’s act like I do because I won’t see you for a good six months because baseball’s back.” One more time with caps lock bringing the enthusiasm, BASEBALL IS BACK. As frequent commenter, Eric W. said, “I keep getting excited for opening night Sunday, then have to remind myself it is the Astros vs the Rangers. It’s kinda like getting to open one present on Xmas Eve and getting socks.” Yay — baseball! It’s the Astros vs. the Rangers. Okay, lowercase yay. But it’s a rivalry that dates back to Sam Houston! Don’t remember that? You should’ve rented a car at Alamo last night. Am I mixing up commercials? Eh, who cares? I’m excited! Texas is the largest state in the 48 contiguous states, it’s just too bad baseball is its third most popular sport behind football and “shootin’ empty Shiner cans.” Whatever. Baseball is back and even Selig’s badly-shorn toupee can’t change that. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
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You read the title right. So, I guess I might have some splainin’ to do at the end of the year, but I’m proud to throw out the wildest, aka BOLDEST predictions out there. Trust me, these will all be two-drink minimum statements I’ll be laying down. But we ain’t calling this bold because I have a grudge against italics. And I’m not just spouting crazy for crazy’s sake… which I know, brace yourselves, is much different than you’re used to. I’m also going to be sharing evidence to support my claims. And everyone does 10-lists, so I’m going to be one better, cause that’s how I roll. Right down that hill over there. Hey, you want to punch that guy 10 times? Here I am, pushing you out of the way to hit him 11 times. Then I’m quickly running, cause those be sirens I hear. So, you’re going to eat 10 of those hot dogs? Well then, challenge accepted, I’ll eat 11 hot dogs, and then eat 11 Tums to wash it all down. You ain’t got nothing on me!
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After hours of research, 3624 mock drafts, endless Grey roster autopsies and a restraining order from Dr. Funstonstein, you finally find yourself ready for opening day of the 2013 Fantasy Baseball season. Hey, you’re not the only one with a little Bonifacio in his pants. “But wait, I auto-drafted a team full of stiffs, injured […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? 2013 Tigers Fantasy Baseball Preview
March 31, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Team Previews | 36 Commentsby: Sky
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2013 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2013 Tigers Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy Kevin Vela from Detroit Tigers Weblog.
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