Scherzer & F-Her Meet In A Game Of The Dozens

April 18, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 800 Comments

According to Wikipedia, the Dozens is a game of spoken words between two contestants, common in African-American communities, where participants insult each other until one gives up. Yesterday, we got a fantasy baseball version. Felix Hernandez started in on Max Scherzer first, “Your name sounds like a character from a Michael Chabon novel!” Scherzer lobbed back, “You could throw a no-hitter and lose!” F-Her redoubled his efforts, “You need two sets of colored contacts!” Scherzer stepped back and threw, “You’re gonna be traded to the Orioles for Erik Bedard!” F-Her fired back, “Your first baseman is so fat his blood type is Ragu!” “Oh, yeah? Well, your center fielder is The Big FraGu!” F-Her threw 8 shutout innings with 12 Ks against one of the best offenses in the game; Scherzer gave up one run with 12 Ks against one of the worst. Both: Great. Winner: Last night, it was F-Her. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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#	MLB Starting Lineups For Wed 8/13
	ARI \| ATH \| ATL \| BAL \| BOS \| CHC \| CHW \| CIN \| CLE \| COL \| DET \| HOU \| KC \| LAA \| LAD \| MIA \| MIL \| MIN \| NYM \| NYY \| PHI \| PIT \| SD \| SEA \| SF \| STL \| TB \| TEX \| TOR \| WSH \| OAK

Archie Bradley and Byron Buxton: Scouting the Unknown

April 17, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 56 Comments

by: Scott Evans

Archie Bradley | RHP, Diamondbacks | Born: 8/10/1992

It’s rare that a club just gives away a first round investment for pennies on the dollar, but that’s exactly what D’Backs did this past December with Trevor Bauer. Less than two years after drafting him 3rd overall, Arizona decided they didn’t like his attitude, they didn’t appreciate his stubbornness, and so they shipped him to Cleveland for Didi Gregorius and a couple toss-ins. Again, teams just don’t do this sort of trade — they don’t give a front-of-the-rotation prospect a $3.4 million signing bonus, and then cut him loose 18 months later for a defense-first shortstop simply because the kid wouldn’t listen. The Diamondbacks did, though. And they did so because they felt they had the organizational pitching depth to offset the loss. A major factor in that decision was the guy they drafted four picks after Bauer in the 2011 draft, a guy named Archie Bradley.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – This Time You Beat Rudy On A Freaky Friday

April 17, 2013 | DraftKings | 14 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

Imagine the Freaky Friday scenario with Grey or Rudy. One minute you’re a happy-go-lucky fantasy player who enjoys the occasional buffoonery, the next your spouting out catch phrases and terms to replace common English. I would’ve had my headshot in the paper for saving that kitten if I wasn’t such a SAGNOF! I wish I was a good father to my niños but unfortunately I’m just a HodgePadre…

Fortunately for this Friday, all you have to do to switch places with Rudy as the best fantasy analyst alive, is beat him in another awesome contest from our friends at DraftKings. The contest is for this Friday’s night games, but you can ENTER NOW with the winner getting a ticket into the their $100,000 MLB Spring Fling where the #1 spot gets $20,000! That’s a $100 value and entries are only $5 and you can enter up to two times for this one, with spots 2-10 winning $5.00. As always, this is RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE so there’s only 50 spots open with 3 filled already, so you gotta sign up fast!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Gallardo The New Coxswain Of The Brew Crew

April 17, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 728 Comments

by: Grey

Yesterday, Yovani Gallardo was arrested for a DUI. So that explains why his pitches are all over the place! He blew a 0.22. That’s six-plus runs better than his ERA. Gallardo’s mugshot looks like a still from a PSA. “More than 79% of Americans feel the most significant social problem facing America is the physical absence of a decent 1st baseman.” “I’m Yovani, and our 1st baseman is Alex Gonzalez some days. Other days, it’s Yuniesky Betancourt. Please stop this needless crime against run support.” I wonder if he was driving home from the Miller Brewery tour, because it’s awesome, but, man, you should not drive after that. “If I draw a mouth on my forehead and stand upside down, then I’d have two mustaches.” That’s me towards the tail end of the Miller tour. Well, Yovani does pitch for the Brewers. What did you expect? Guess we should be happy he doesn’t pitch for the Crack Rockies. For fantasy baseball, this doesn’t mean much. Pray Gallardo returns from a DUI as successfully as Miguel Cabrera. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mr. Smith Goes To Oakland

April 16, 2013 | OPS Leagues | 81 Comments

by: Tom Jacks

Last week, I talked about how you should believe in your studs. No, not Studs Terkel, but he was the man. No, not Macho Man Randy Savage either. Why did you even bring him up? Though his hip hop album is easily one of the best (or worst) things I’ve ever heard. Where was I? This week I’m looking at a few guys that I believe are either off to a hot start and undervalued or off to a slow start and worth buying low in OPS leagues. After all, the season isn’t even 10% over, so it’s too early to make drastic assumptions about a player’s performance (that’s for next month!).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Razzball Podcast — The One Where Some People Try To Rag On Giancarlo

April 16, 2013 | All Podcasts | 512 Comments

by: Grey

This week in Razzball Podcast entertainment we were joined by JB “Big Biscuit” Gilpin, who reviewed the film, 42. JB majored in film in college, so he was very excited to get to finally use his degree. Since I hold a Master of Fine Arts, I don’t critique the film. I simply wear an all black spandex suit like I’m on Sprockets and smoke a cigarette from one of those really long cigarette holders. I’m artistic, that’s the picture you should be getting here. Nick emailed me saying, “JB’s mom texted me after to tell me JB only needs 471,902 reviews to pay off those student loans.” Not totally sure how that works, since he wasn’t paid for this one. Does he review 471,901 then is paid $36,000 for his final one? Are the last six worth $6,000 apiece? I’d like to know how this works. Or would at least like to understand Nick’s joke. Smokey also joined the Nickster and looked at some deep waiver wire adds, but since they both forgot to take their Adderall, it just became deep waiver wire ADD. Finally, Rudy and I discuss some underperforming studs and whether Giancarlo will ever see another pitch in the strike zone. Anyone who has abandoned Giancarlo in his time of need will be quarantined until he hits 20 homers in a month and then you will be sacrificed to the Giancarlo God. Y’all have been warned! Nick also told me to link to the Draft Kings contest thing again, so there’s that. Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast (now with 18% more Giancarlo denial by me):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

RCL Update: April 16

April 16, 2013 | Our Leagues | 10 Comments

by: VinWins

More injuries, more closer meltdowns… but let’s focus on some positives. Week 1 top team, Bosch Brothers (in Trout We Trust) still has more points than anyone else at 113.5. Team Balls (No Guts, No Glory) moved from fifth to first with a 30-point gain. Prague Pivo Pounders (Double Platinum Haters) and Tarzana Orange (Is it next year yet) each moved from 10th to second in their leagues. It’s still very early and anything is possible.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Play That Funky Mujica, Wipe Boggs

April 16, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 340 Comments

by: Grey

The Cardinals said Edward Mujica ‘could be tried as closer.’ That’s obviously after everyone else has been tried and found guilty of sucking. Matheny said, “I’d rather kill a possum in front of La Russa, than have a lead in the 9th inning with the crap we have.” Okay, that was me reading between the lines. He actually said, “See what happens next time we get there. Right now, Mujica’s making good pitches and getting the big outs when we need them.” He never referred to Mujica as the closer. Maybe because he was afraid of spooking him. How do you scare the beejesus out of a Cardinals reliever? Call them closer. *rim shot, triangle, kazoo* I don’t think Mujica is the de facto closer, but I don’t know what de facto means. Is that Spanish? Hernando De Facto was the first to cross the Mississippi, right? Yesterday, Boggs came into the 9th inning, but it was a 4-run lead and when he got into trouble the Cards started warming up Mujica. The writing is on the wall, and it says, “Mujica is next.” I’d grab Mujica and continue to hold Boggs (on my bench). It may just turn out that Edward is The Last of the Mujica’s in the Cards’ pen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Pitcher Profile: Can Against The Marlins A Good Day Keep The Doc Haters Away?

April 15, 2013 | Pitcher Profiles | 65 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

Roy Halladay.

Is he the next Tim Lincecum? Can he pitch at all any more? Should he get sent to the minors?! Is he fantasy ownable in a 10-team league?! Is he really a doctor? Are Phillies fans all really that mean?! Why does being good in baseball mean you have to have the highest WAR!? WAR – what is it good for?! What does all this mean!?!

Roy Halladay has been one of the biggest hot topics heading into the fantasy season and real MLB season alike. After two brutal starts seeing his ERA climb close to the age of consent with a “woman” in France (14.73 – only 0.27 away!), the write-off for Halladay had become as frequent as an Enron tax return.

Curious to me was that debut against the Braves where Halladay got tagged for 5 runs and 9 baserunners in 3.1 innings, but struck out 9! That’s only one out not by the strikeout. All or nothing.

Obviously all the hubbub from Spring Training and entering the season was the lost velocity. I wanna throw fast! If you’re not first, you’re last. I was never big on Halladay because of his hefty price tag in drafts due to name value, but I thought he could be a usable pitcher this season. So I decided to tune into his start yesterday afternoon against those lowly Marlins to see how he looked. After all, if he can’t mow these guys down, he’s gotta be toast, right?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Creeper Of The Week: Put Your Middle Infield In A Full Nelson

April 15, 2013 | Creeper of the Week | 115 Comments

by: Sky

True story: one of my childhood friends had a younger brother who was big into WWF or WWE or whatever that wrestling league was called with the Undertaker and so and so and such and such…yeah, it’s clear I didn’t watch it at any point really but that’s not the point of this story. So it was the summertime and said friend and I along with our regular High School crew went out around our town of 5,000 to see what there was to see and do what there was to do. After 10 seconds, we realized that ‘nothing’ was the answer to the previous ‘see/do’ commentary and headed back to his house. When we opened the door, we were shocked to find his brother putting wrestling moves on a stuffed bear but that wasn’t the only segment that was awkward about this. He was doing all of this with only basketball shorts and a Batman utility belt on with wrestling figures in all the belt pockets. When he realized we were taking in his wrestling kabuki theater of horrors, he turned to us with the look of a man who knows he’ll never live it down and balled ‘what are you doing here?!?’ and girlishly ran to his room. We literally couldn’t move for about 10 seconds as we stood and stared into the open space that once held one of the weirdest moments we wished we’d never seen in our lives. And done, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week! Oh wait, this isn’t my personal blog I’m here to pick a hitter to roll with as the creeper of the week. Ok, I’ll take Chris Nelson for $1000, Alex. Daily Double! Oh, that pun might actually hold into the next paragraph. Wanna find out? Well read on as we see more about Chris for 2013 fantasy baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If His Momma Called Him Clay, Imma Call Him Clay

April 15, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 745 Comments

by: Grey

Now, if Clay wants to be called Buchholz, Imma call him Cassius. Clay Buchholz took a no-hitter into the 8th inning and ended with the line 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks vs. Tampa. The Jewish Journal’s headline read, “Clay Spins Rays Like A Dreidel.” You know why he’s pitching this well, right? Cause I had nothing positive to say about him in the preseason. That’s spiteful, Clay. Spite is one of the seven deadliest sins. Right after that soup the fat guy ate in Se7en and Paltrow’s career after she stopped sleeping with Harvey Weinstein. “Sleep with the gross, sweaty producer, win an Oscar. Sleep with that guy from Coldplay, do movies with Huey Lewis.” Okay, this is a big step for me, but I’m willing to buy into the new and improved Buchholz with his splitter that he learned at the tail-end of last year. I’m not going out and trading for him, but if you went against my wishes and drafted him, you did good. It looks like you might’ve stole a pitcher late that has number two fantasy starter upside. Though I can’t say that I won’t be rooting against him every step of the way, since I don’t own him. My will vs. your will in a steel cage. My will will rake your will’s eyes. My will fights dirty. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jam it or Cram it: The Battered and the Broken

April 14, 2013 | Uncategorized | 74 Comments

by: The Guru

Former St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Joaquin Andujar once said, “You can sum up in one word the game of baseball: ‘You never know.'”

Well said Joaquin, well said.

You never know how the season will go and what stars will emerge and what stars will fade to black (someone please cue up Metallica here. I’m tired of boy bands). That’s part of the fun and frustration of fantasy sports. But even if you drafted well, with all your players off to a hot start and you are filled to the brim with confidence and trash talk, you just never know when you are going to hear that one word the game of baseball truly despises: The disabled list. *tips cap to Professor Andujar*

Please, blog, may I have some more?