Chris Carpenter left yesterday’s spring training game with a strained hammy.¬† That sounds delicious!¬† Unless, of course, you’ve drafted him already.¬† Then you’re like, “Jesus, Carpenter!”¬† But you shouldn’t have drafted him already.¬† You really shouldn’t draft until the last possible second in March.¬† You don’t want to lose your league before the season even starts, that’s not fun/fair.¬† Not to mention, I wouldn’t draft Carpenter.¬† I don’t trust him to stay healthy, even if recent history tells us I should.¬† I also don’t walk on the sidewalk cracks and sometimes check to make sure my door is locked seven times before leaving.¬† Hey, no one’s perfect.¬† The Cardinals say Carpenter will be fine in ten days or so.¬† I still say stay away.¬† Older pitcher coming off a 235 IP season who is already hurting?¬† I’m okay without that.¬† BTW, if you found this site by searching Google for “Jesus + Carpenter + what do Cardinals say?” you’re in the wrong place.¬† Sorry.¬† Anyway, here’s some more news for fantasy baseball:
Grady Sizemore – Won’t be ready until the middle of April.¬† Hopefully he’s taking this extra time to pose for some more nudie pictures of himself.¬† “Oh, darn, I got something on my pants.¬† Maybe I should remove them.”¬† That’s Grady playing coy, the only playing he’s been doing lately.
Jake Peavy – From the files of Grey Will Never Learn, I’m starting to get excited about Jake Peavy again.¬† He’s supposed to make an appearance on Friday and should be ready for the start of the season.¬† All common sense is telling me Peavy will just get hurt again by June, but if he’s throwing well and healthy, I could see moving him up the ranks and drafting him at a discount.
Brandon Webb – News sounds positive about Webb throwing bullpen sessions.¬† Terrific, wonderful, awe to the some.¬† Whatever, my Peavy enthusiasm doth not runneth over to Webb.
Josh Beckett – Was hit by a batting practice ball and is showing concussion symptoms.¬† I’m not a doctor — in case you were wondering — but after losing Morneau for ten months to a concussion, I think this is just another reason to avoid Beckett.
Lance Berkman – Will DH for a bit because of a sore throwing elbow.¬† Sounds like minor news, but if this problem continues into the season, where’s he playing for the Cardinals?¬† Not 1st base.¬† I have a feeling all of those people drafting Berkman who are hoping for a bounce back are going to be yawnstipated.
Chris Iannetta – He hit a home run yesterday.¬† Already went over catchers to target, where Iannetta got some face time (Do I have to pay Steve Jobs a nickel for saying that?).¬† Oh, and I’ve already drafted Iannetta on one team.¬† Why won’t you draft him?¬† Afraid of success?¬† Aw, you underachiever, you.
Matt Thornton – February Grey waffled about whether Thornton would be the closer.¬† “Ooh, I’m February Grey and I can’t decide on the White Sox closer or what to eat for a snack.”¬† Eat Cheetos and draft Thornton with confidence.¬† Thank God that February Grey guy has a short month, huh?
Kyle McClellan – Looks to be the frontrunner for the fifth spot in the Cardinals rotation.¬† My take is Dave Duncan will sprinkle some of his magic dust on McClellan and he’ll be a valuable mixed league option by the end of the year.¬† He won’t be drafted in most leagues though, and I wouldn’t go against that outside of NL-Only leagues.¬† In NL-Only leagues, he’s the kind of pick that can help you win your league.
Brian Wilson – Dealing with a back issue of Men’s Health.¬† He says he’ll be all right.¬† I believe him.¬† Guy might be bonkers, but he’s got heart.¬† Still being drafted too high for me, so there’s that.
Corey Hart – Will be sidelined for two weeks with a strained abdominal muscle.¬† Don’t worry, the Hart Foundation will get its revenge!