Harnessing the pitching brilliance of Native Americans and intergalactic tubbies, Joba Chamberlain appeared to be the savior the Yankee fans, Girardi and Hankenstein needed for their pitching staff. So it was a terrific blow when Joba Chamberlain left yesterday’s game rubbing his shoulder. The only thing worse would be if Joba hurt it in a fight with The Drunken Ghost of Billy Martin. (Fortunately, he’s in a cloud lined with sawdust, boozing it up with Mickey Mantle.) Fantasy baseball owners can’t be thrilled either. Pitcher leaves game rubbing shoulder? Fantasy baseball owner leaves seat walking funny. It’s too bad they can’t trade for Jar Jar on the Braves. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Cliff Lee – I figured since I hadn’t watched him in over two months, it was time to jinx him. I was so close in the 2nd when I got him to walk a few and load the bases. Alas, he pitched well in every other inning. Never fear, non-Cliff Lee owners, I will grab him like some friggin’ floating astronaut and drag him back to earth.

C.J. Wilson – Wilson says he’s feeling fatigued, maybe he got mono from a Kotchman open-mouth kiss. Either way, Eddie Guardado should be owned in all leagues because he would step in if C.J. pulls a Prince Valium.

Jason Bartlett – Won’t be able to throw a baseball for a few days, maybe Kotchman kissed his hand.

Kerry Wood – Word out of Wrigleyville is Wood can close again, but he’s going to get a bit of work in the middle innings then move into the closing role by the end of the week.

Gil Meche – Everyone mocked KC for signing him to that ridiculous contract but who’s dancing now.  That’s right.  Good ol’ Gil.  9 Ks in a 6 IP win against the Sox.  10-9 for an awful team – including 9-5 with a 3.27 ERA since May.

Ryan Zimmerman – Zimmerman says he should be able to avoid the DL with his bruised hand, so he can just clog up your bench instead.

Eric Chavez – Shut down for the year.  Maybe they could build a healthy 3B out of the spare parts of Chavez and Blalock?  Those A’s don’t have a long shelf life, do they?  Mulder, Hudson, Chavez, Byrnes… Who’d have thought Harden and Giambi would be the poster children of durability?

Jay Bruce – 3 HRs in 4 games.  That’s the Bruce we know and love.  He obviously idolized Griffey Jr. and was emulating the current version.  Now that he’s out of Cincy, he’s back to emulating the 90’s version.

Bronson Arroyo – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks.  This on the heels of Zito besting Peavy yesterday.  Guess it’s premature for both to retire and start a rock trio with Slow Hand Pete called Baked Zito and the Republic of Bro-Yo, featuring Slow Hand Pete.

Roy Halladay – 8 IP, 1 ER. Queue the projector.  It’s time for another installment of Out of Contention Run For Cy Young in Toronto. (see Clemens, Hentgen, Halladay…)

Tyler Yates – Third of an inning, 5 ER. This works out to a 135 ERA, 15 WHIP and 1 less closer on all of my teams.

Manny Parra/Prince Fielder – Hit hard by the Reds, hit harder by Fielder in the dugout. I haven’t seen anything this lopsided since Andre took on this guy. “Stop talking about meat and I mean it!”

  1. Lolhamburger says:

    You forgot to mention that those who also own Grabow got a chance to double up on the fun. Together, I’m looking at 4 hits, 6 ER and 4 walks in 1 IP to start my H2H week. Good times.

  2. Lolhamburger says:

    Dropping Yates to pick up Guardado doesn’t make me feel much better. I’m looking at Guardado’s K/9 and other peripherals. Yuck.

  3. Steve says:

    @Lolhamburger: You had ’em both? Yikes. Just Grabow for me. Pirates starters are going to need to start throwing CGs…

  4. For once I actually avoided a replacement RP blow-up. I had no part of the rancid Pirate bullpen. Thank Christ.

    I just completed a trade where I gave away Chris Davis, Broxton and Danks for Peavy. One of the other owners was bitching and moaning. Was it that big of a steal??

  5. Denys says:

    Yeah I stayed away from the Yates weepstakes – get it!? like sweepstakes but it’ll make you cry.

    In fact let me make the proper glossary term suggestion:

    Weepstakes – When a coveted or popular waiver wire pick up makes you cry.

    Yes I know, it’s lame. Moving on.

    Rafa Perez got the save for the Tribe. I can’t help but think I like him more anyway, so I did what I done did have to do – dropped Kobayashi for him. “But why Denys? Koba is listed as the closer on the Inians (yes I left out the ‘d’) depth chart!” – F*&% all that – Rafa has better K/IP ratio and my league scores holds.

  6. Denys says:

    By the way I’m sick of Dioner Navarro and his empty average. Really slim pickings for me until V-Mart opens back up, and there’s a good chance the products at V-Mart won’t be quality. But I did see this Jesus Flores (Nationals) cat floating on the waivers – poppin’ about .280 with reasonable power (8 jacks in 220+ ABs).

    Do I make the switch?

  7. TxAgRat says:

    Looks like I wasn’t the only one watching Spaceballs on cable between innings last night…

  8. Zebo says:

    @Grey: is Parra done? Drop him for Gil Meche? All Parra did for me since I got him after his winning streak ended, was ERA and WHIP in the teens.

  9. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Oh yeah, if Joba’s hurt, there goes my already tenuous RCL pitching staff, three members of which prodigiously sh*t the sheets last night, including Joba, Garza, and Clay “Yes I Still Run Him Out There” Buchholz.

    Good thing I just traded away Cain to get Billy Wagner! Clear some room on the gurny, boys!

    Suddenly I feel like that guy at the end of Dr. Strangelove, riding the bomb and waving his cowboy hat. Wahoooooooooooo!

  10. SoS says:

    @J-Bone: Hard to call 3-for-1’s a rip, eh? If the other owner needed those pieces then ’nuff said. You tell that whining owner to stick it up his yeah.

  11. Zebo says:

    @Grey: 2 questions:

    1. Drop Parra for Meche? Parra sucks

    2. I have both Danks and Verlander, and they pitch against each other tonight, what do I do? Verlander is historically atrocious against CWS and CLE, I, against my judgement, started him in recent games against these two teams, and got somthing like 81 ERA and 36 WHIP.

  12. Frank Rizzo says:

    No Joba, say it isn’t so.

    Waiting to find out about Joba first, but if he’s got to go on the DL for extended time I’m going to offer up this trade hoping the other owner bites…

    give Miggy/Scott Baker

    get Teixeira/Billingsley

    He loves Miggy and Miggy’s been unbelievable but if Joba’s out, I’ll need to get another ace in my staff. I may even consider going back to giving him Cain instead of Baker but I’d rather hold onto Cain if possible.

    Am I getting too jumpy?

    My pitching staff is Sabathia, J Shields, Hamels, Cain, Joba, Baker. I might be able to survive without Joba but Billingsley would make me feel better.

  13. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Frank Rizzo: Have you changed that trade since I said I didn’t like it? I like it a bit better now.

  14. Frank Rizzo says:

    @Grey: Yeah, this is the one my broken record azz throws at you basically every day. I flip flop on this one constantly but the Joba injury makes me consider it even more.

    I thought I’d start by offering the consistent Baker to gauge the guy’s interest in Miggy. He’s a bigger Tiger fan than I am so it’s going to make him think. He’s also loves the big bats as his roster is full of HR guys like Dunn and Teixeira. He doesn’t seem quite as concerned about his pitching so maybe he’ll go for it.

    I just wish Teixeira and Hunter would switch spots in the lineup with Hunter batting 3rd and Teixeira 5th. Then he’d probably get as many RBI as he would R’s but that’s me splitting hairs.

    So you like the trade a lot better with Baker? It looks better for my team?

  15. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Frank Rizzo: I like it better for you because I like Cain moving forward more than Baker.

  16. Denys says:

    By the way, Grey – Mon, Aug 4 Harang (forearm) threw six shutout innings in a rehab start for Triple-A Louisville, striking out six while walking none. (69 total pitches).

    I am stoked about trading away Zimmerman for him!

  17. Zebo says:

    @Grey: do you take Pedro against the Padres at Shea?

  18. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Denys: Yeah, that was a solid trade for you.

    @Zebo: I take just about anyone against the Padres, so yeah.

  19. Denys says:

    @Zebo: I think I could get an out at Shea. Deep flyball to center baby, come on!

  20. ABell says:

    hey Grey, who do you like best looking at 09, Cain, Volquez, Shields, or Billingsly?

  21. Grey

    Grey says:

    @ABell: Billingsley, Shields, Cain then Volquez. They’re all very solid though.

  22. Denys says:

    @ABell: haven’t you heard? Grey’s touting billingsley as a Cy Young dark horse.

  23. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Denys: For ’09, not dark horse though. Just straight up, he wins.

  24. ABell says:

    oh ya, i was caught up in the definition of darkhorse. does that mean he’s high risk? but volquez comes back as solid as he was midseason? see, i need this stuff spelled out for me or i’ll botch the hell out of it.

  25. ABell says:

    the problem is i’m heavy in the outfield, with dunn, beltran, abreu, and the flyin hawaiian. and all i got at 1B is Donk Davis and Mike Jacobs. but the guy who has bills, who doesnt realize how good he is, is heavy in outfield too with vlad, hamilton, nady, CQ, and krispie, and all he has at 1B is loney. He is a rangers fan so i’m sure he’d love Davis, but then i gotta go with jacobs? what to do, what to do?

  26. Grey

    Grey says:

    @ABell: Volquez was pitching over his head in the beginning of the season. (That’s not a comment on his mechanics.)

    Pitchers are, in general, risky. But I don’t think Billingsley is any more high risk than any solid #2 fantasy pitcher that could be a #1.

  27. Grey

    Grey says:

    @ABell: Trade Davis for Billingsley.

  28. JR says:


    I like “Weepstakes” but I think the definition should be more specific:

    “Winning the weepstakes” should mean that you were right in speculating the next closer, but wrong in thinking that anything good would come from it.

    See Yates, Rodney, Kobayashi.

  29. Denys says:

    @JR: Yeah the definition was the lame part. Agreed.

  30. Denys says:

    How about:

    Weepstakes – Save vultures bane.


  31. Denys says:

    Although I really don’t want to limit the term to just closers catergory. It’s really anyone you waste your waiver priority on that doesn’t perform and can soon after be found on the waivers. See Kershaw (although he’s better of late), Scherzer, Bruce, etc.

  32. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Denys: @JR: I won the Eugenio Velez weepstakes. Netted me a .125 average and .5 steals. Fun times!

  33. Denys says:

    @Grey: lol.

  34. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Grey: Sure, kick me when I’m down.

    Don’t blame me — blame the autodraft!

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