I’m going to cackle very shortly.  It’s going to be a full-throated cackle.  The cackle to end all cackles.  The cackle that has you turning around in your seat at the movie theater to look at me.  Okay, here it comes.  Jesse Winker hit three homers last year in 448 Triple-A plate appearances.  THREE?!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I CAN’T FEEL MY FACE!  OH MY GOD, MY HEART!!!  “Here lies a man who loved baseball as much as his much older woman and he was totally healthy until he saw how many homers Winker hit in a full season of at-bats.  I, the tombstone, would tell you how many homers it was that Winker hit but I’m afraid you might die too.  You’re welcome.”  Damn, my tombstone is considerate!  Three homers in 448 PAs?  How is that even possible?  Sorry, some of you might need a primer.  Three homers from a 65-steal type makes sense.  Winker had zero steals last year.  Again, some of you might need more info.  Winker is considered a top prospect.  Or was, I guess.  The one positive, and it is big, he has insane plate discipline.  He had a .397 OBP and hit .303 in Triple-A last year while walking and striking out exactly at 13.2% of the time.  Terrific for both.  Plus, that’s some crazy OCD to walk and strike out 59 times for both.  That’s As Good As It Gets, now put your neighbor’s dog down the garbage chute!  Anyway, what can we expect from Jesse Winker for 2017 fantasy baseball?

Can Winker hit for a .300 average (as is his norm) and hit for power or will he lose average to hit for power?  “That’s a question that has yet to be answered,” said Triple-A manager Delino DeShields.  So, that’s why DeShields sucked so bad this past year!  He had too much on his plate!  Lose the managerial job, man!   Deshields went on to say, “I don’t know how far out of that comfort zone we can push (Winker) before he changes his swing and changes what he does effectively.  With a lot of young guys, it normally comes a little later.  And I’m truly sorry about not making good on Grey’s sleeper posts from last year.”  Apology NOT accepted, DeShields!  So, Jesse Winker will either start to hit for power or be traded to the A’s?  Yeah, pretty much.  Right now, he looks to me to be the second coming of Yonder Alonso.  I will call him Sonder Alonso.  Sonder means the profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, has a life as complex as one’s own, which they are constantly living despite one’s personal lack of awareness of it.  This is a very depressing feeling and to think Yonder Alonso has a doppelganger is also very depressing.  This is the feel good post of the year!  The one big thing Winker has going for him besides average, I can’t imagine why the Reds wouldn’t give him a solid chance this year to be their right fielder.  For 2017, I’ll put my Jesse Winker projections at 44/7/49/.284/1 in 372 ABs.

 
  1. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    Love that you wrote up Winker and Zimmer and my next two posts are the Reds and Indians. Synergistic! Pro-active! Core values! Buy-in! It’s a business meeting for a second rate software company!

    Winker had a wrist injury that sapped a ton of his power. He’s never going to be a slugger, but prior to 2016 he had years of 13, 15, 16. He did slug a respectable .438 after returning.

    I think a full healthy season at Great American with maybe a little juiced ball love could lead to Winker hitting 13-15. I’ve recently come around on Winker, Halp sold me on Winker. He really likes to show off his Winker.

    • Hoboken Squat Cobblers says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: That’s exceeding the maximum allowable number of Winker’s in one paragraph…C’mon Raif!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: We have a strategy meeting later today, we’re gonna go over a good strategy for conducting meetings, there’s a chance today’s meeting won’t have good conduct in the beginning because we’ll just be discovering our conduct. Hopefully by the end of the meeting to discuss meeting conduct we’ll have good conduct. See you there?

      I don’t know how Halp got there, but Winker couldn’t have been iffier last year

      • Halp

        Halp says:
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        @Grey: Just giving a pass on the power decline this season based on the wrist injury. Think he has good raw power (hit 16 homers as a 19 year old and is 6’3”, 215 pounds) and is a smart hitter who I think will make the necessary adjustments to unlock more of it down the line. For this season though, your projections look accurate.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ah, okay, that makes sense… You’re saying Ralph is misrepresenting your views, gotcha… Damn, tension, just under the surface….

          • Halp

            Halp says:
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            @Grey: hahaha … can’t think of a good comeback, I’m just laughing

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              I’m gonna get you two those foam jousts to work out your difference… “Winker is a 12 homer guy!” “No, 15 homers!” Parry, parry, smack.

              • Halp

                Halp says:
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                @Grey: We can be the undercard to the Grey vs. Berry main event (greatest interview ever! haha)

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Haha… I’d love to get my mitts on him!

              • Ralph Lifshitz

                Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                @Grey: I have serious foam jousting stick speed. I’m the Clint Frazier of swinging the foam joust, just ask Nitro.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  You’re a gingie? Do any gingies look comfortable in their own skin?

                  • Ralph Lifshitz

                    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                    @Grey: Alyson Hannigan. I actually have a thing for hot ginger women. Some say my Mrs. Lifshitz is gingerish.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Cougs is a gingie, but they don’t have a soul!

                  • Ralph Lifshitz

                    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                    @Grey: Who’s asking?

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Trump Police!

                • Halp

                  Halp says:
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                  @Ralph Lifshitz: haha … I used to seriously set up gladiator obstacle courses with my friends back in the day. I was the best at pegging people with tennis balls before they could hide behind the lawn chair.

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    He’s trying to psyche you out, Ralph!

                    • Ralph Lifshitz

                      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                      @Grey: I went to the gym and did squats at 5 AM. I’m living a Rocky montage daily!

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Run up the side of a Russian mountain and then call me!

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      I’m actually at the gym right now

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      And by gym you mean getting a smoothie next door to the gym?

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Nah, I meant walking on the treadmill in flip flops at the gym

                    • Ralph Lifshitz

                      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                      @Grey: Does a New Hampshire mountain count? They have a Lebanon, but no Moscow.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      You’re in New Hampshire?

      • Big Odio says:
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        @Grey: I’m confused, I know not surprising, but is Ralph Mr. Winker? Is Halp Mr. Winker? Are they Mr. And Mrs. Winker? Is this a new two dad’s thing where they are Mr. And Mr. Winker? If so, are they adopting Yelich? Wait, can two straight guys get married for the tax breaks and just bring in women for the Devils threesome? Okay I’ve lost where this is going.

        • Halp

          Halp says:
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          @Big Odio: I feel like there was already an Adam Sandler movie that beat us to the punch on this one

          • Ralph Lifshitz

            Ralph Lifshitz says:
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            @Halp: If Jessica Biel strips down in front of us, I’all divorce my wife and marry the shit out of you Halp.

          • Big Odio says:
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            @Halp: Ah, life imitating art… which one of you is chuck?

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Ha, this

            • Ralph Lifshitz

              Ralph Lifshitz says:
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              @Big Odio: @Halp: @Grey: I don’t think I’m Kevin James but who knows.

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                Are you saying Halp is Kevin James? Damn!

                • Ralph Lifshitz

                  Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                  @Grey: Grey’s in full reality TV producer mode!!!!

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    When Halp says those things, how does it make you feel? Please answer by including the question

                • Halp

                  Halp says:
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                  @Grey: haha … I think I could play either character if you give me a few months to fit the role

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    Haha

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    Saying you have more range than Ralph? Damn!

                    • Ralph Lifshitz

                      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                      @Grey: That’s the last straw Halp…….if that’s your real name!

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Fight! Fight! Fight!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I think that was a Sandler movie

        • Ralph Lifshitz

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @Big Odio: I was anti-Winker until a couple weeks ago. His stock is pretty low, and I think too many people are buying into the power dropoff. So I’m going the other way.

          • Big Odio says:
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            @Ralph Lifshitz: so you’re switching sides?

            • Ralph Lifshitz

              Ralph Lifshitz says:
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              @Big Odio: We move with the tides.

  2. Hoboken Squat Cobblers says:
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    Good stuff Grizzly! (Says no one). Somewhere Prado is ROTF, but whilst not LMFAO’ ing, he is pondering “why the devil would one draft Winker?” (And, “Why does the Devil wear me?”)

  3. Scott says:
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    JB linked to Deadspin talking about your Matthew Berry interview. I have not laughed so hard since your last article!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Scott: Ha, thanks

  4. I believe he should be Seconder Alonso, no??

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      No Sonder?

      • Big Odio says:
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        @Grey: Ponder Alonso? It’s a football joke that most people would get…present company excluded

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Here’s a joke that most people will get except the person I’m telling

          • Ralph Lifshitz

            Ralph Lifshitz says:
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            @Grey: I had to think about it, and I’m still not sure….

            Like Christian Ponder? His wife is not ugly…

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              I guess you also don’t get it… Soon we’re going to have to eliminate everyone and then work backwards and figure out who does get it

            • Big Odio says:
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              @Ralph Lifshitz: as in Christian Ponder was suppose to be good but wasn’t…is this that hard to get?

              • Ralph Lifshitz

                Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                @Big Odio: It’s nuanced…..That’s what I tell my co-workers when a joke bombs. Makes people who tell bad jokes feel smart.

                • Big Odio says:
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                  @Ralph Lifshitz: jokes can bomb when the audience doesn’t get it.

          • Big Odio says:
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            @Grey: Im deconstructing

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Self-destructing?

              • Big Odio says:
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                @Grey: that’s my regular MO

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Such a Mo

  5. Big Odio says:
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    I just read the Deadspin link in JB’s post. How did I miss that before? Ive read the interview too many times but didn’t catch that Deadspin article…and who is mom and pop between you and Rudy?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’m Mom

      • Big Odio says:
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        @Grey: So in a remake of stop or my mom will shoot you are estelle getty?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I like to think of myself more like Sophia Loren, but Estelle has her good qualities

          • Big Odio says:
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            @Grey: you’re not tall enough to be sophia, or at least you don’t have that kind of leg action.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              I don’t think she was tall as much as foxy

              • Big Odio says:
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                @Grey: in my dreams she’s 5’8 with legs for days…please don’t ruin it

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  You’re right, she’s listed as 5’9″… In my dreams she was and is 5’2″

                  • Big Odio says:
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                    @Grey: haha, your dream isnt as much about her but you being tall…you’re Josh Baskin!

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Better than Seth Green as I’ve been called

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      @Big Odio: thats actually pretty true, he gets no respect. I met him back in the late 90’s at a club (he knew my DJ buddy) and I wanted to go up and ask him if he lost his mom

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      He has a face you want to punch

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      and an attitude to. But he was so low to the ground it would of been like trying to hit a 3rd grader.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      He doesn’t elevate the common perception of gingies

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      its somewhere between an angry talking gnome and billy barty with a red toupe

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      He’s like an evil Furby

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      He’s Chucky…without the knife

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      He’s a midget Ralph Malph

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      did you say a midget ralph halp?

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Ralph Halp is still perfect, isn’t it?

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      it is perfect and you’re fonzie and Rudy is Mrs. C…or maybe Mr. C

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Who are you?

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      I’m Lenny. I don’t work for the site anymore and got my own show

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      The Lone Wolf!

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      @Big Odio: that applies to my sex life to