Wow, that’s an exciting title, huh? I’m sure it will be a big seller for Google searches. Right after the search bukkake + carved pumpkin faces. Whatever, it’s boring to talk about fourth starters for your fantasy baseball team, right? What do Oliver Perez, Randy Johnson, Aaron Harang and some other schmohawk who didn’t pitch well yesterday have in common? They didn’t pitch well. Jair Jurrjens and Shawn Hill did. I’ve touted Jurrjens and Hill in the past on this site. Search on the left if you don’t believe me (it hurts that you don’t believe me, but I’ll get over it). I’m not even sure how to spell Jair Jurrjens’s name half the time, but he’s on a lot of my teams. Why? They’re both cheaper than dog balls to acquire and will put up decent numbers. Jurrjens gets the Padres next time and Hill gets the Astros and Cassel. If you need to Mapquest your way to your waiver wire, do it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Shane Victorino – The Flying Hawaiian is now the The Benched Fourth Phillie Outfielder™. Heffin’ hey, take Jenkins out of the lineup! Werth has looked the part of starter thus far, but Jenkins? Can I have “Has-Been Players” for one hundred? He is to Milwaukee what Luis Gonzalez is to Arizona. Who is Geoff Jenkins, Alex? Anyway, Victorino’s got too much to offer to be a bench player, he’ll be back in there. Werth’s a six hole hitter (which Jenkins is too) and Victorino’s a one or a two. It’ll all work itself out. Say Victorino doesn’t start for two weeks then he gets what? Four and a half more months to play. He can still get to 15/40. He only played in 131 games last year and he got 12/37. Patience is key.

Chase Utley – I misspoke when I said Chipper’s going to be the Player of the Month. I hope Phillies fans don’t throw any batteries at me now.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Looks like he just needed some razzing to get going. Actually, he hit the home run off Jamie Moyer, who I believe is a grandpappy, so we probably shouldn’t start giving ourselves a reacharound just yet.

Jon Herrera – The new Rockies 2nd basemen as Barmes takes over for Tulowitzki. Herrera’s minors numbers look, well, minor. By ‘minor,’ I mean don’t even bother picking him up.

Jonthan Sanchez – I like him, don’t get me wrong, but his K/BB ratio is not good. He’s liable to have some tough starts ahead.

Austin Kearns – Some how he ropes me every year. I will never tout him again. Please remind me if I ever forget this. Besides never performing well something else that bothers the popcorn out of me — he never seems to care. I officially hate Austin Kearns. Somebody should start I have my hands full.

Conor Jackson – Another home run; he can get to 20.

Nick BlackburnTwins always seem to farm usable pitchers, some times great ones. Blackburn seems usable, not great.

Carlos Quentin – Seven home runs and counting. How about you give me your login and I pick up Quentin for you?

Nick Johnson – Okay, this is uncanny. Nick Johnson after a 3-for-3 gameNick Johnson after an 0-for-4 game.

Mark Grant – Who? The retired pitcher/Padres announcer. Why? Cuz he’s got a stalker.

Felipe Lopez – Belliard hasn’t had an official at-bat since April 20th.

Travis Hafner – Hafnot wasn’t even starting against Washburn. The same Washburn who Hafnot has lifetime’s numbers of .400/3/7 in 20 at-bats.

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu is 9 for 20 on the homestand.

Russell Martin – Home run, but more importantly getting rest from catching by playing third base. He probably won’t get position eligibility at third in most leagues and it doesn’t really matter. You want him at catcher anyway.

Micah Ownings – He hit a pinch hit home run! But I didn’t see because they like everything big in Texas, including commercials.

Randy Johnson – Just a bumpy beginning in what was an otherwise decent start.

Xavier Nady – I told you in the first three days of the season to just pick him up. Nady finished April with 26 RBIs while batting .337. I’d say unload him for someone more trustworthy, but I can’t imagine anyone’s actually buying into this.

Alexis Rios – As member of Da Razzpound pointed out yesterday, he’s been leading off, which would hurt his RBIs. But it’s not going to stay that way. He’s the Jays best hitter. You don’t bat your best hitter leadoff then Rolen third. I mean, this isn’t the Red Sox or Yanks lineup we’re talking about, the Jay aren’t that deep to be batting Rios leadoff. Again, patience.

Dustin McGowan – He’s not out of the woods yet, but getting into the eighth with only one walk is a great thing, know why? Cause now he has some value for you to trade him.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – Another guy that had a good start, that I’m not going to get behind. (Frankly, I have a hard time getting behind any American League pitchers, especially ones in the AL East. But I digress.) You can trade him and still be a Son of Sam Horn, they don’t check your teams for Sawx, do they?

Josh Hamilton – Weird how smack and crack are used for both the sound the bat makes when hitting the ball and for drugs.

Brian Bannister – He got smoked by Josh Hamilton.

Derrick Turnbow – Six runs in two-thirds of inning is the kind of middle reliever hit that really hurts. It was a bad situation with the game out of hand. He shouldn’t been in there, and hopefully you didn’t have him in there.

Wladimir Balentien – Rudy just picked him up in one league. Hey, ya’ll, Rudy knows what he’s doing. At the age of 24 in Triple A, Balentien’s numbers were 77/24/84/.291/15. Look at those numbers again. You’re welcome.

Adam Lind – This is who I added in a deep league. Numbers, please… .378 career OBP in almost 1400 at-bats minor league at-bats. Last year he received almost 300 at-bats from the Jays and hit 11 home runs with a putrid OBP. The fact that the Jays called him up already and have been starting him tells me they are committed. He’s, as they say, a flier. I kinda like Balentien better, but I thought I’d spread the Razzball love.

Casey Kotchman – His average isn’t as much a fluke as you might think. He still won’t hit 30 home runs.

Jeff Clement – Eligibility count: 1 game at catcher.

Dioner Navarro – He got 2 RBIs; Salty didn’t play.

Chad Billingsley – I liked him coming into the season. Still do. A pitcher with his stuff, in his division, in his park, it’s almost not fair.

John Smoltz – He says he will come back as a reliever at least initially. I say, he’s not going back to starting. This also takes the shine off of Acosta and Rafael Soriano. Smoltz will get the bulk of the saves.

Max Scherzer – In his relief appearance, Jobacum left without a stain. Now he’s getting the start over Edgar Gonzalez on Monday for his first major league start. Too bad he’s not on the Rangers, then there could’ve been a battery of Jobacum-Salty. For next Monday’s start, I guess we’ll have to settle for Jobacum discharging the Phillies.

  1. mike says:

    Nick Johnson pics had me rolling….histerical

  2. mike says:

    Also, i wanna pick up a SP on my waiver wire. Best currently avaiable SP in my opinion is Bronson Arroyo(like his K’s, and in his last start he looked alot better). I never saw Shawn Hill pitch before should i take a shot with him over Arroyo? Any thoughts os Justin Duchscherer??

  3. Steve says:

    Grey – another classic round-up. Loving your work.
    Any thoughts on where the Smoltz situation leaves Mike Gonzalez? I have him in my DL slot. As you know I love the MRs and my league counts holds, but will he now be just a lefty specialist rather than the main 8th inning guy when he comes back – and thus of negligible value?

  4. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Since I have Smoltz (who I’d traded ON THE DAY he went on the DL for Adam Dunn, but like a gentleman reversed the trade — long story, but it’s a friendly league), and I am also a saves whore (jumping on Rauch and Acosta, to go with Soria, BJ Ryan, and K Gregg) I’m in the market for another starter (joining Hamels, Gallardo, Cain, Volquez).

    I’m thinking of trading either Ryan/Gregg for either Hill/Wainwright. Of Ryan/Gregg, who should go? Of Hill/W, who should I target?

    Many thanks. Great site.

  5. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Sorry, I should have specified I’m talking about Rich Hill, not Shawn Hill.

    I was undercaffeinated.

  6. @grey – you had to tell everyone about my bukkake and pumpkin fetish, didn’t ya? so i grew up a bit confused on what jack-o-lantern is what. aside from my girlfriends all having fake tans and buck teeth, it hasn’t hurt me in adulthood…(oh, nice Full Metal Jacket reference)

    @mike – i’d look at scherzer in AZ first if he’s still on waivers (he comes off tomorrow in my yahoo leagues). i’m not high on arroyo, shawn hill, or ducksauce – i’d flight them if they’ve got a good matchup but i wouldn’t want to hold up a roster spot for them. i’d also keep tabs on parra in milwaukee – he’s getting dropped after his poor start but he’s got as much potential as gallardo.

    @steve – mike gonzalez is purely an 8th inning guy if he comes back healthy. i don’t trust any pitcher on the braves named mike.

    @baron – we love wainwright. i’d be shocked if you could get him for Ryan or Gregg given his start. rich hill would be a decent buy low candidate. he should bounce back but has more risk than wainwright (see lou pinella, coach). 50/50 on ryan and gregg. ryan is a better pitcher but more of an injury risk. gregg is less on the talent and the risk. for wainwright or hill, i’d trade either.

  7. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    Ready for this Grey? Okay, here goes…

    You are a Cubs hater. There I said it. Geovany Soto is having a Mike Piazza type rookie year and not even a mention.

    I’m just razzin’ you as they say on this site, but sheesh… 20 RBI/5hr/1.048 OPS?

  8. Hater Bell

    Grey says:

    @IowaCubs: I was going to mention him, but I was hanging Kenny Williams for Vice President signs on random neighbors’ lawns.

  9. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Hank: I do that trade yesterday and twice on Sunday. Love everyone that you get; like, dislike or despise (respectively) the guys you’re sending.

    BTW, you should be a graphic designer.

  10. chris says:

    Would you drop Luke Scott for Wladdy

  11. JR says:

    I’m getting impatient with Milledge. Should I drop him for Balentien in a 14-team, keeper points league? The next best OFs on the waiver wire would be Gutierrez, Guillen, Alou and Adam Jones.

  12. Hank

    Hank says:

    Great, I’ll make the deal!

    Too bad the snobs in design school look down on MS Paint from their glossy Web 2.0 ivory towers.

  13. Grey

    Grey says:

    @chris: Yup.

    @JR: I dropped Milledge three days into the season for The Big FraGu and haven’t looked back once.

    @Hank: It’s not an ivory tower, it’s sepia-toned.

  14. Not so fast on Wlady. 3 K’s today. He was whiffing at those outside breaking balls again (yeah, the ones that that report said he stopped swinging at). He should settle down, but don’t expect anything better than a .250 average. (i’m thinking .240 or less though)

  15. Grey

    Grey says:

    @JonBBT: Thanks for chiming in. Mucho appreciado.

  16. barret says:

    AL-Only league I’m trying to rank my pick-up options (after Clement) for this coming Monday…

    What do you think about Laffey’s outlook for the season? I could really use a good SP and thought he might end up pitching himself into a regular job.

    I’m debating between him and Wlad.

  17. Grey

    Grey says:

    @barret: I think you should grab Laffey if you need pitching. He’s got great ground ball rate and a good K/BB ratio. Plus he’s super young, so maybe you’ll catch lightning in the bottle. Most people I would steer towards Wlad, but if you need a pitcher, he could be decent for AL-Only.

  18. Make way for the first big Jack Cust power outburst of 2008. 4 for 4 tonight with his second jack. The BA is over the Mendoza Line for the first time since The Mitchell Report called his whiz into question. His OBP stands at a gaudy .422 and everyone in the A’s lineup is hitting. What is up with that?

    I say Rob Deer hits 3 HR this weekend against Texas on his way to a huge May. By June it’s back to the interstate, hitching and doing favors for truckers who give him a lift. Just Sayin’.

  19. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Herb Urban: Actually I picked up Crosby to replace Tulo in one league, so I hope their hitting continues.

    BTW, Rob Deer’s in a meth clinic until ’09. It’s a voluntary clinic but he lost his keys and he’s too lazy to look for a few months.

  20. Steve says:

    So was it cracks about his resemblance to Private Pyle that led Nick the Stick to grow that mad crazy ‘stache?

  21. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Steve: That is the worst pedophile stache since Luis Polonia.

Comments are closed.