Hanley Ramirez is done for this year with shoulder instability. He may even need surgery, which would hurt him for next year. I went over this a bit in yesterday’s roundup. Not sure how many of you saw that post because I switched the website server so we could be faster, but now we might be too fast because I don’t know if we’re coming or going. The doctor said Hanley’s shoulder was so tender that he fears that local Cubans may mistake it for lechon. “Stop dipping me in mojo sauce!” If you have Hanley in a redraft league, I imagine you’re already reading our fantasy football section, but if you’re not, it’s safe to drop Hanley. In fact, drop him on his shoulder for good measure. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Josh Johnson – Officially done for the year. Backdate that to May. The Palm Beach Post, which I believe has the best shuffleboard sports columnist in Yitz Kunkel, reported that Johnson should be good to go for next year’s spring training. That’s like saying a 99-year-old has a good chance at seeing 100. I mean, it’s possible. But c’mon. Let’s see Johnson get through more than two months before saying he’ll be good for 2012. A Johnson hasn’t been this battered since Lorena Bobbit took a job at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Shin-Soo Choo – To the DL. Ironic that he was stopped for a DUI because he makes me want to drink.
Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Sonavabench! All I ask is if you’re gonna be bad as in bad not bad as in good then be bad.
Cliff Pennington – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs with his 12th steal. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. It’s one part shock, one part awe and a good helping of shamalangadingdong.
Coco Crisp – 3-for-5 with his 39th steal. If I would’ve just drafted all breakfast foods — Melky, Coco Crisp, Eggsbury with Halladay’s — I would’ve had a decent team.
Vance Worley – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks. Wasn’t terrific, but wasn’t quite a shellacking, which is good cause you’d need nail polish remover to get that off your fantasy team.
Wilson Valdez – 2-for-4, hitting over .300 in the last week. Also, he was able to impart some solace to a young fan, Billy Beepee, that his last name won’t always conjure up a man-made disaster.
Eric Hosmer – 3-for-3 with his 3rd homer in two days and his 8th steal. A Canadian Hosmer fantasy owner, “Take off, you Hosmer!
Mike Moustakas – 2-for-5, hitting .333 over the last week. Royal fans thinking about their future years where they’re not the laughingstock of the MLB are gonna have some Moistakas.
Magglio Ordonez – 3-for-4 with a homer and a steal. Did he drive a DeLorean to the ballpark?
Austin Jackson – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Austin Jackson keeps hitting like this and he’s gonna get sued by Carl Weathers or have to return Vanity’s calls. It’s time for “Austin!”
Brett Lawrie – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, his 7th homer and 4th steal while batting .340. That’s 7 homers, 15 runs and 20 RBIs in only 26 games, BTW. FWIW, WTF, WOW. Hey, Jennings, there’s a new mayor in Fantasy Baseball Heartthrob Town and his name is Brett Lawrie.
Kelly Johnson – 3-for-4, his 2nd homer in as many games while batting .367 on the Blue Jays. Aaron Hill who?! I know, Henry Hill. I know, Mr. Underhill. I do not know any Aaron Hill.
Yunel Escobar – 8 for his last 11 with three runs and two RBIs. To put all of these crazy Blue Jays hits in perspective, they were facing the bottom of the Orioles rotation. And there’s no top.
Vladimir Guerrero – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer. After the game, Vlad said he was offended by the new show, Russian Dolls, because there’s not one Russian Dominican.
Dana Eveland – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. This start looks good on paper, but he doesn’t. A 4.38 ERA in Triple-A with a 6.25 K-rate. With apologies to our three lady readers, Dana throws like a girl.
Alex Presley – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a homer. Hasn’t done much in a while, but he has been playing every day so the opportunity is there. Stay tuned! Or not. Your call.
Yovani Gallardo – He had 8 Ks and gave up 4 homers in 4 2/3 innings. It’s like he’s only facing Mark Reynolds.
Corey Hart – Member how I said yesterday he was one of the hottest hitters in the 2nd half so far? Guess who homered again? His name sounds like Horey Cart.
Rafael Furcal – Now has homers in 2 consecutive games and is hitting .320 over the last week. If you’re hurting at middle infidel, he’s worth a look before he’s hurting.
Albert Pujols – 4-for-4, 5 RBIs, 3 runs and two homers. Only thing missing from the superfecta was a steal.
Jair Jurrjens – He’s going to see a knee specialist this weekend. I hope the doctor’s name is Neal.
Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper has now homered in consecutive games. Better than pulling a hammy in consecutive games, I suppose.
Tim Hudson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks as he continues his great under-the-radar season. I need more of those. So much better than the terrible over-the-radar seasons I seem to be getting from others.
Mike Leake – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks and the Reds are about to shut him down for the year. Crotchety Old Man, “I wish I could shut down a leak without the help of a urologist.”
Juan Francisco – 0-for-3, was recalled and got the start at 3rd base. Rolen-Hurty, the Juan Francisco treat! In 300 ABs in Triple-A this year, Francisco had 15 homers and a .307 average with only 10 walks. Then, in a surprise move, Juan actually drew a base on balls yesterday. Well, it looked like a flattened hat sitting on top of a peach, but he said it was a base on balls.
