Let’s pretend Francisco Liriano is that girl you hooked up with at the bar. You think she’s hot, but, honestly, you can’t really remember the color of her hair, let alone her carpet. Though you do remember the sex being good. Now she calls to tell you she’s available Sunday night and your friend, Kevin Slowey, just cancelled on you. Oh, and there’s one condition, since the last time you saw her, she had reconstructive surgery. She swears she’ll be back in form by Sunday. You agree to meet her and begin to talk about that night you met. She confides that she has no idea what you look like either. Now you can meet her because the sex was good one random night before her reconstructive surgery or, because she has no idea what you look like either, you can call your friend and trade him this girl for John Maine. I trade Liriano for John Maine before Sunday night. You’re in a one year league and you’re playing for the here and now. You don’t have time for Liriano to ‘get back to form.’ Sell high and trade Liriano. With that said, here’s some other players you should buy or sell.


Andruw Jones, Andre Ethier, Juan Pierre, Matt Kemp – If you can trade any of these guys, I think you’ll be a happier person. The Pierre Situation™ has screwed up everything. Maybe Pierre gets traded, but at this point you’re not in a good position to succeed with any of these guys.

Felix Pie – Reed Johnson has sliced into the playing time of Pie. Oofa! Grab a spot on the bench next to Matt Murton, Felix. Trade Pie to someone who thinks Pie will definitely win the position and succeed.

Luke Scott – He’s batting near .500. If anyone believes it, I’d trade him. Otherwise, hold onto him for the time being.

Blake DeWitt – If you don’t think Torre’s going to play Nomar, take one look at The Pierre Situation™.

Mark Reynolds – He’s not awful, but he’s not going to be as good as he has been for the last week. Not to mention, he will strikeout 200 times this year.


Brett Myers – In two starts, he’s been battered like he likes to do to his wife. He’ll be better.

Micah Owings – Almost 9 K/9. Under 3 BB/9.

Edwin Jackson – He got a Murtonesque mishandling by the Dodgers. Underutilized or not utilized at all. Back in the day, he was a great prospect for the Dodgers.  He’s still only 24, but he is on the Rays.

Justin Upton – I don’t think you can get him from anyone in an NL-only league or a keeper, but one year league owners may not be sold. He’s a talent.

Chad Billingsley – Velocity’s down but he was pitched out of the bullpen then made to start. I think it’s just a rough beginning.

Mike Napoli – His average is going to be in the dumpster, but he’s showing power.

Jeff Suppan – Not masterful, but he can help out with wins and innings.

Shawn Hill – In 97 innings last year, he had 65 Ks and a 3.42/1.14. If he’s on waivers, grab him. He’s about to come back from his injury.

Scott Hairston – He got a Murtonesque mishandling in Arizona. He now has his chance to play.

Miguel Cabrera – None of his owners are actually worried about him, are they?

  1. DP says:

    Dudes: Worry meter for my squad !! In order……

    Russ Martin

    Panic on whom now?

  2. Carl says:

    I wouldn’t worry about Prince. Before April 20th’s game last year he had only 1 home run. He’s on the same pace pretty much.

    I can’t believe he hit 50 but only had 3 in July.

    I think Hill’s problem was he was set to start Friday when he woke up yesterday but the whimp Marquis got sick so he had to start Thursday. He didn’t look mentally all there and I think this was the reason last night. I mean he pitched well his last start.

  3. DP –
    I’m not worried at all about those hitters. Their jobs are secure and they’ll put up good numbers. One note on Victorino is that he’s not a lock to steal 40-50 SB. He suddenly seemed to figure out how to translate speed into SB last year. Doesn’t mean he might suddenly forget. I’d think 25-35 SB for now.

    I’ve got Burnett in one league and I’m still a fan. He’s got a great arm (if bad fingernails). I’m tempted to trade for him in another league while his stock is low. Injury risk for sure but I like his stats.

    Rich Hill – I don’t know as much on him. My blogmate Grey likes him and he was dominant in the minors prior to his success last year. He did pitch about 200 IP each of the last two years so MAYBE if his stuff doesn’t turn around in the next start or two, it might be that he needs some rest. I’ll say this – I wouldn’t trade Burnett for him….

    Good luck –

  4. Great now I am going to associate baseball with one night stands! I guess it could always be worse lol

    THe Baked Blogger
    “Get Baked”

  5. Grey

    Grey says:

    Hey, guys, we got our first lady commenter. *fixing hair*

  6. Grey

    Grey says:

    Hey, I was talking to Rachel first.

  7. LOL omg fixing hair hmmm might need to do a little more to impress then that!

  8. Ace says:

    I’m not worried about Liriano; I’m worried about you!
    That is the most f**ked up story I’ve ever read. If you get your friend to show up, she’s gonna know its not you; noone is really THAT stupid.

  9. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Ace: FYI, this post is a year old. I like Liriano this year.

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