In the minor leagues this year, Dylan Cozens had 40 HRs and 21 steals, winning the Top Offensive Player award.  Ha.  Dubya tee eff.  His minor league numbers are so insane they call up Gary Busey and ask for his advice.  His minor league numbers are so crazy they voted for Trump simply because Scott Baio endorsed him.  His minor league stats are so bonkers that they want to marry Blac Chyna and try to make her a housewife.  His minor leagues stats are so stupid they threw paint on a dog because it was wearing fur.  I call this the Cozens.  It’s similar to The Dozens, but with Cozens.  Ask a Mormon wife whose hat that is and she says, “Husbands.”  These rhymes I’m Putin out there are from Russland.  All that hair is on your back land, not Bob.  I’m eating pigeon but all fancy like squab.  Got a buddy named Robert who has a green afro and I call him broccoli raab.  Aw…yeah!  It’s my rap alter ego, B-Fire!  Get some crunk juice, snitches!  Okay, not sure where that came from but sometimes shizz needs to be freestyled, or in this case, free-stDylan.  Anyway, what can we expect from Dylan Cozens for 2017 fantasy baseball?

Dylan Cozens reminds of Batman v Superman.  “Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, this is going to be amazing!”  Immediately after seeing it, “Um, okay.”  That’s what I expect of Cozens.  Same analogy would’ve held for Phantom Menace.  Cozens is no Sharknado.  Meaning:  you expect nothing and it surprises you.  Cozens will have nothing but expectations.  I think he might leave with nothing but missed expectations too.  He’s got more holes than the Caddyshack golf course.  In Double-A last year vs. lefties, Cozens had a .197 average and five homers out of 40 homers.  So, that’s awful.  In home games, he had 29 homers and a .744 SLG.  In away games, he had 11 HRs and a .441 SLG.  That’s pretty goofy, y’all.  Is there any concerns that his home park pushed him over the top?  Is water wet?  Yeah, brah, his home park was Reading; it has a Park Factor of 149 for power, which essentially means 49% more home runs are hit there than a neutral park.  Want another hole you can drive a truck with hanging truck nuts through?  His strikeout percentage in Double-A was 31.7%.  Yeah, that’s terrible.  I’m not sure you can expect him to ever make it in the majors with that hole.  Maybe the Phillies could only play him against righties, or rather, they have to play him against only righties, but even then, I don’t know if he can ever translate his talents to the majors.  There’s a real chance here of getting nothing ever.  Now, of course, he’s young.  There’s time for him to figure out how to stop swinging at balls in the dirt, and, if he does, there’s gonna be something special here for fantasy.  When that will happen is a total guessing game.  So far, he’s hitting .165 in a Winter League in the Dominican with four homers, so he leads the league in homers and is next-to-dead-last in average.  He also leads the league in strikeouts with 32 in 85 at-bats.  Yeah, like your girlfriend tells her friends about you, he’s a work in progress.  For 2017, I’ll give him 14/6/21/.212/3 with 120 ABs and a late-August, early-September call-up, and I’m worried I might be optimistic about those stats too.

 
  1. Ante GALIC says:
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    Grey!

    Really good write-up! You feelin’ perky this AM?

    a. Nice Russland rhyme. I only notice when Rasputin is involved. You almost made it. Better luck next time.

    b. Cozens looks good. What could go wrong, except everything?

    c. Leaving tomorrow to go back to Chad! On a side note, leaving CDG airport to travel to Gare du Nord to visit a friend I haven’t seen in 30 years (aka freshman year of college)!!! I hope he recognizes me, I hope I recognize him but how about if we ask each other at the same time if he is him and I am me!!! Too funny, right? Will give you the skinny on Wednesday. Arrive at work on Wednesday, arriving N’Djamena tomorrow evening 21h00 (CET or 15h00 EST).

    d. Love ya!

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ante GALIC: A. Ha B. Yup! C. Wow, you just recently back in touch with him? D. Right back at cha!

      • Ante GALIC says:
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        @Grey: Grey!

        a. Thanks for asking. He was a year ahead of me in high school. We’ve been FB friends since 2008 but never got the idea to see each other until recently. He lives and works in Paris, works close to Gare du Nord. His father died recently (just before Christmas 2015) and we missed meeting up when I went stateside with our daughter Xmas/New Year’s 2015/2016.

        b. Not to put a damper on things, but my mother-in-law is coming over soon! Bestill my heart!
        Cheers,
        Ante

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          A. That’s awesome! Well, hopefully it’s awesome and not super awkward B. A cyber Monday celebration!

  2. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    Wait, so his HR/FB of 33.8% isn’t sustainable?

    I don’t know if you’ve been checking out those batted ball profiles on MLBFarm, but his Reading aided spray charts and batted ball profile almost looks legit. Until you switch it to vs LHP and realize he strikesout almost 40% of the time vs them. Unfortunately they don’t have the option for home and road splits, at least in terms of BB and spray charts.

    Looks like Darin Ruf part duex.

    • CMUTimmah says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: Youtube him and check out some of his swings, you’ll see why he can’t hit lefties quickly. Swing length is not MLB ready. Looks like a softball player.

      When you look at the guy, he’s got the build of a football player (*yes, I’m aware he was a football recruit and gave it up for a minor league contract) but also has the aggressiveness of a football player. He’s 6’6″ 240. He’s going to break down in the OF relatively quickly at that size.

      Could he be a platoon player in the MLB? Yes. Are platoon corner OFs a dime a Cozen? Yes.

      Late 2018 is a more realistic call up if the LHP average doesn’t greatly improve.

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @CMUTimmah: Yeah I’ve watched a ton of Cozens. Actually owned him for a bit in Razznasty in 2015 as well. I agree on all fronts, I wrote about him a lot last season. I like his teammate Rhys Hoskins a lot more. I think Hoskins is legit.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: Yeah, was looking at that… Ruf sounds about right — Ruf righters?

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Grey: Yeah he had a crazy year at Reading back in 2012 and hit 38 dongs.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Stop, drop, shut ’em down, open up shop, oh, no

          Is Reading really small? It’s not elevated right?

          • Ralph Lifshitz

            Ralph Lifshitz says:
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            @Grey: Depends what you believe, they list the dimensions at 400 to center, 370 to the power allies, and 330 down each line. Lots of people doubt those numbers though.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Is it a wind tunnel? Any other factors? Cause those dimensions don’t sound super small…

              • Ralph Lifshitz

                Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                @Grey: No, I’ve been trying to figure that out for two years and I’all I’ve ever seen is people speculate the dimensions are small. The Phillies have had a minor league affiliate there for 50 years. My guess is winds but if it is it’s not well documented.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  That’s weird, because I don’t buy the fences are closer than the actual dimensions say, because that sounds like a conspiracy theory… I don’t buy into conspiracy theories except for the Russians hacked our election, Dick Cheney was responsible for 9/11 and the Loch Ness Monster

                  • Big Odio says:
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                    @Grey: I believe in 2 of those three

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Loch Ness?

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      Loch Ness is as real as a good season out of Jesus Montero

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      HA… Post-hype sleeper!

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      It’s a creeper.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      You start Black Mirror yet?

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      nah, been powering through my DVR. I got Direct TV coming out tomorrow and giving us new boxes so I had to close out what I have because they are taking the DVR away. On the flip side I get the new box that allows me to record 5 shows at once.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      That must’ve been a whole lot of Tiny Homes!

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      why DVR a show thats on 15 hours a day

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Can’t argue with that

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      I dont watch it that often, Ive watched it a little more lately after my buddy from the bay area said he knows people into these kind of things and I knew if the bay area was into it then its probably funny to watch…oh the bay

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      And the people in the Bay think we’re the weirdos!

                  • Ralph Lifshitz

                    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                    @Grey: I figured if it was a wind thing or whatever, more people would write about it. I couldn’t find anything other than discussions of phony dimensions.

                    Maybe this is the Area 51 of juiced balls?

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Are the other stadiums in that league (division?) much bigger?

                  • Ralph Lifshitz

                    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                    @Halp: @Grey: Thank God I called that guy!

                • CMUTimmah says:
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                  @Ralph Lifshitz: Ralph –

                  Rhys. Can someone buy me a vowel… oh yeah… I guess this must be one of those sometimes “y” moments…

                  Hoskins looks like the better prospect, and it’s not even close. He had some bad luck last year, based on his BABIP being a 4 year low. But that power jump doesn’t feel real. Did he sacrifice average for pop? Did he change his swing and that’s why the BABIP took a turn f or the worse? Is it just that Reading favors righty power a ton?

                  He doubled his HRs, but increased his Ks by 25%. The K increase probably was more detrimental to his average than the BABIP dip.

                  My biggest problem with Hoskins though (actually, my only problem, because I think he’s going to be at LEAST Mitch Moreland in the bigs which isn’t a bad floor to have) is that Tommy Joseph probably isn’t going anywhere and this. is. SPARTA… err… the NL. Considering Tommy Joseph has only caught 19 games in 2 years (and none last year) and Hoskins has only played 1B in his career, one of the two would have to be moved for Hoskins to have fantasy relevance and prove that his numbers are real.

                  I hope he gets a shot to do that. I don’t see the Phillies being one offseason away, one of these guys could pull some real value from a team in need of a prospect 1B…

                  • Ralph Lifshitz

                    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                    @CMUTimmah: I read an article on a Philly specific site this morning about trading Tommy Joseph. It’s totally possible.

                    His k rate increased but so did his walk rate, and it might be a matter of seeing more pitches from better pitchers at a higher level. A 21% K rate from a power hitter is hardly cause for concern. Is he a 30+ homer guy at the MLB level? Hell to the no, but he could be a 20 homer guy easy with excellent on base skills. The BABIP dip was really just a correction. .297 is a normal BABIP, the .367 and .369’s from 2015 are not. Really solid OPS league prospect.

                    Reading favors power a ton, not sure one handedness has an advantage. Cozens is a lefty and hit more HRs than Hoskins. His jump in power production was up 5 fold! At least Hoskins was in the upper teens in 2015. Cozens went from 8 to 40.

                  • Ralph Lifshitz

                    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                    @CMUTimmah: Yeah there’s a few sites with park factors for all the minor league parks. MiLB just finished writing it up actually.

                    I’m more interested in identifying why Reading is the most power friendly park in the minors now that High Desert is no more. Yeah I agree on Cozens. Go check his BB profile though.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Yeah, that’s the question, why is it so hitter friendly? Wind, elevation, helium?

                    • Big Odio says:
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                      @Ralph Lifshitz: this discussion over couzens is probably 1000 words less than it needed to be.

                    • Halp

                      Halp says:
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                      Agreed. 95% wind, 4.9% backdrop, .01% good crowd. I’ll go with that, ha

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Haha… Yup!

                    • Halp

                      Halp says:
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                      Not sure that adds up to 100% either haha … .1% crowd

  3. Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:
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    My Amazon ad on the main page said “Ho ho ho, said Santa and every rapper”. Ha. Is this the same for everyone?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Cyber Monday deals! and hoes

      • Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:
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        @Grey: Alexa wants Hittertron to plug her in all day.

      • Big Odio says:
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        @Grey: cyber boats and Hoes?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I got hoes in different area codes, and I don’t know their area codes, because all of my phone #s are saved in my phone and I don’t remember them off the top of my head

          • William Hung says:
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            @Grey: Damn Grey, how much farmland do you have?!?!?! I only have one hoe

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Haha…Hung! I have many hoes for my acreage

          • CMUTimmah says:
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            @Grey: I got pale hose in the 312! Boom, I just related this back to baseball….

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              I got Red Hose in the 215!

Comments are closed.