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Seriously, I’m drooling over here.  Maybe it’s the medication.  Nurse Ratched, bring me my drooling bib!  Sorry, got locked up in the looney bin after how this week has started for me both in Draftkings and in my regular leagues.  How does a team have .252 OBP and .272 SLG% over four days when it has over 10 guys who hit 20 or more HRs apiece just a season ago?  I’d say bygones but I’ve been scrawling this on the walls here in the institution for the last few days in my own excrement cuz I just can’t figure it out.  Nurse Ratched, please don’t forget to set my lineups for today!  You know I can’t do it with this weird backwards jacket you have on me!  I’m not Kris Kross!  Though it is quite stylish…yes, where was I?  Ok, today’s slate.  We have the Minnesota Twins playing somebody, who is it?  Ah yes, the Twinkies are in Cleveland and Danny Salazar gets to make his season debut.  DK loves Ks and Twins look to be a good punching bag for both regular fantasy streams and Daily Fantasy ones so today’s matchup looks downright gorgeous.  What say you Stream-O-Nator?  Well, you didn’t have to shout it…and there’s no need for calling names, especially those ones.  Given that he’s at the low price of $8,800, you’ll have plenty of room for another arm and can comb over what the Hitter-Tron has to say on some top bats and not worry about not having enough bank to do it.  Oh and are you looking for some kind of tourney to play Salivate Salazar in today?  Well why not the big Razzball Draftkings Contest the guys over at DK put together for us.  Yes us!  Don’t you feel special being recognized like that?  I’m sure they would’ve named it after just you if they knew your name.  They’re cool like that.  But nevertheless, less chat and more choices.  Here’s some Razzball picks for Draftkings lineups on 4/4/2014 for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

Shelby Miller, SP: $8,700 – Yes, Pittsburgh has been winning but that doesn’t mean their lineups have had much to do with it.  They scored a total of 7 runs over about a million innings against the Cubs this week.  Needless to say, they’re off to a slow start and Miller delivers those strikeouts.  Shelby K’ing round the Pirates when he comes (yee-haw!).  I give a slight nod to Gerrit Cole here as well but he’s definitely facing the more dangerous offense in the Cardinals.  Pitcher’s park or no, I wouldn’t double up here.

Jenrry Mejia, SP: $7,100 – A bit of a gamble?  Yep.  But ya gotta beat your tourney buds with some kind of low percentage owned wizardry and Mejia just might be the Unicorn Wizard that guides you to victory.  Definitely not a guy I’d 100% push for 50/50s or H2H.

Mike Leake, SP: $6,500 – The Mets lead the league in K% right now at 35.8%.  Mike Leake’s career K/9 is 5.94.  Impenetrable force, meet immoveable object.  If Mike can take advantage of a swing-happy NYM lineup and give you 5 or 6 Ks over 6 innings, he could return value and will most likely be very low on percentage ownership.  He can also take his last name on your lineup for the day so not for the faint of heart.  No Grandpa, you can’t start Mike in our DK H2H today!

Carlos Gonzalez, OF: $5,700 – It’s Big Name Friday on the Hitter-Tron as the top ten guys looks like someone took Grey’s Top Ten Rankings, put them on their iPod and hit shuffle.  CarGo just happens to be sitting atop the throne on this fine day.  He’s also atop the OF DK throne, money-wise.  I’m pretty certain his ownership will be high, just will be a question of if he goes HAM whether it matters all that much.  Oh wait, the game is being played in Colorado you say?  I’m working on my Rockies stack as we speak…

Evan Longoria, 3b: $4,700 – You don’t need metrics to explain why you go Longo when Joe Saunders is taking the mound.

Brandon Moss, 1B/OF: $3,700 – Not gonna lie, I didn’t even know Chris Young was still pitching, let alone for my own PNW team.  His career GB% is at 27.3.  I’m not gonna give you his FB%, it’s kinda clear it ain’t good.  He may luck into a good start giving the pitcher’s park he’s throwing in for the day but I’ll take a piece or two of the Athletics lineup just in case it turns into a flyball freakshow in Oak-town.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

The main pressing game on the slate for rain looks to be yet again a Detroit one as they take on Baltimore at home a day after having to postpone their game against KC.  I don’t know if y’all know this, but they make these retractable roofs for stadiums nowadays…

Doing Lines In Vegas

COLvsARZ at 10 is your prized game this week.  Get greedy and load up.

HOUvsLAA at 9 is near the top of the charts for offense on this day but I’m guessing they’re expecting the Angels to lead the charge.  I’d be more inclined to believe the Angels’ pitching gives up a fair amount themselves, especially the bullpen.

TBvsTEX at 8 1/2 as Joe Saunders takes the mound for Texas.  I could see this game pushing the over and that’s just from the Rays offense in the first inning.

TORvsNYY at 8 1/2 as Masahiro takes the mound for the first time…I don’t think I want any part of either offense as the Yanks have stumbled out of the gate offensively and Tanaka looks to be the real deal.  I see you, under, and I fart in your general direction