We’re living in an incredibly scary time. Bill Cosby is a villain, Donald Trump is running for president, and people are playing the “Boys Are Back In Town Again” back to back to back until bars riot. This is the sort of chaos that invades our daily lives and can make just keep, keeping on impossible. Fear not noble reader, DraftKings is here to take over your mundane, meaningless, and sad life. You will now have purpose, and that purpose is to win money from your wealth of useless fantasy sports knowledge. Haha, laugh no longer single long term girlfriend and wildly successful older brother, for I am Ralph, King of Drafts! Sorry guys I smoked way too much nutmeg and now I can’t seem to write anything remotely coherent. Hey give me a break, you spend your Saturday nights playing Call of Duty with your roommates and smoking from your penis shaped pipe. I, on the other hand, sort through pages of stats to find you the days best plays while mixing in a little BBW porn viewing when I need a break. So you should take my word for it when I tell you to start Chris Sale. Or that big girls can be sexy. I mean it takes genuine fantasy knowledge and superior intellect to identify these things. It’s not like Sale leads the world in K/9 or anything. It’s also certainly not true that K’s are by far the most important requirement for a DFS starter besides not giving up 10 runs in an innings and a third. Sale costs $13,100 so your going to have to make sacrifices but you know what they say about sacrifices. Actually I don’t know what they say so if you figure it out, please share. We have a comments section for such things. I’ll just be here keeping busy with Randy Widettes 7.
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Jake Arrieta, SP: $ 11,900 – Last night against the Braves Jon Lester flirted with a no-hitter and punched out 7 in 7 1/3 innings. Truthfully this has no bearing on what Arrieta will do tonight, but hey you never know. Either way, it illustrates the exact reason I started Lester last night and will start Jake Arrieta today. The man is as lumber-sexual as they come and that means strength, pride, power, and excellent axe-manship.
Dan Haren, SP: $7,100 – Truthfully on a day like today when there are so many great options to choose from…oh yeah in my rambling incoherent opening I failed to mention the amount of top notch options today. I never let the passing of knowledge get in the way of a good ramble. Any the who, Haren faces a weak Philly lineup today and he’s my second favorite option among the arms below $9k. Great contest play if you ask me.
Tommy Milone, SP: $8,100 – My favorite option under $9k is this son of a gun. Milone was very good his last couple of turns against two very solid lineups. He returns to Oakland for a bit of the old revenge this afternoon. Well it just so happens that his old team ranks in the bottom third of the league in weighted on-base average vs LHP. What does that mean? It means Milone is a great contest play or SP2 at just $8,100.
Miguel Sano, 3B: $3,800 – I have the tendency to go a bit rookie heavy in DraftKings due to my typical pay for pitching, bargain shop for bats approach. But this is just a straight up deal. Sano against Jesse Chavez? Yes please! After a good start to the season, Chavez has become increasingly homer prone the past few months. Oakland is a tough park for power but I wouldn’t be shocked if Sano did his best bash brothers impersonation tomorrow. You know minus the mullets and steroids. BTW Mullets & Steriods would be an awesome band name.
Mark Teixeira, 1B: $3,900 – I know what you’re saying. He’s facing King Felix, why would I start him? Well did you look at the BvP? .303 average, 6 homers, 13 RBI’s, 20 total hits and a career 1.018 ops in 76 plate appearances vs El Rey. Now look at his price. Good find right?
Jay Bruce, OF: $3,900 – 7 of Bruce’s 13 taters have come off of rightys at home. Actually he just hits everything at home, the split between his home and road OPS is 160 points! The only yellow light with this one is Carrasco’s ability to keep the ball in the park on the road. While he’s struggled in Cleveland with longballs (1.12 HR/9), he’s been the polar opposite in away starts (.52). Here’s the thing: Bruce has history on his side with two knocks off Carrasco in the past.
Martin Prado, 2B/3B: $2,800 – How’s this for a punt play? An old veteran with an opening for some playing time (Dee Gordon DL) with a strong BvP advantage (21 for 67, 2 homers, 14 runs, and 9 steaks). Interested? Well try on this Vintage Prado at the low low price of $2,800!
Hunter Pence, OF: $5,100 – If you decide to go high-end, this is the guy for you. His BvP numbers against Patrick Corbin are absolutely dirty.
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
Lots of 20% – 40% chances to keep an eye on but it looks as though we’ll avoid any serious delays or PPD’s.
Doing Line In Vegas
By far the biggest favorite of the day is Chris Sale and the White Sox at -155. Though Dallas Keuchel and the Astros aren’t far behind at -150. The Sharks support my Arrieta love placing the Cubs as favorites at -138. The highest total for the day is in the Baltimore vs. Detroit game, while the lowest expected totals are in the Miami/Philly game and the Dodgers/Nationals affair.
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