This week we’re starting a new weekly column that will be here every Thursday, it will be all about fantasy baseball keepers. Since many fantasy baseball keeper leagues don’t decide on their keepers until the start of the new season, I figured I’d go over some fantasy baseball keepers from now until next spring. If you can remember all the way back to February, Hillary Clinton was headed for the Presidency, the Indiana Jones trilogy hadn’t yet been ruined and Cueto was better than Volquez. Well, we know what happened on the way to the Prom. In a surprise move, Volquez was asked by the Head Cheerleader and went from total geek to total chic. Meanwhile, someone shit Cueto’s house. Unfortunately, at the Prom, someone noticed Volquez was actually doing the African Anteater Dance and not some cool hip dance that he just extemporaneously (Word of the Day) came up with, while Cueto went back to mowing lawns, saved a few dorks and eventually received a slow clap from the whole league.

In the minors, Cueto averaged over a K/IP and his walk rate was sick. (That’s sick as in very healthy, not sick as in sick.) Volquez was not the better pitcher coming into the year because of his wildness. Unusable wild? No, he showed that in the beginning of this year. Now, as the year comes to a close, Edinson/Edison/Julio Reyes is taking the slow Green Mile walk to a 3.00 ERA, while Cueto has quietly strung together some quality starts. So don’t be shocked if next year Cueto has more value than Volquez next year. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball keepers for ’09:

Andy LaRoche – Who know how JD Drew kinda made you want to draft Stephen Drew even though Stephen hasn’t shown too many signs? Well, reverse that shizz for the LaRoches. Andy’s better than his schmohawk older brother.

Jeff Franceour – I’m just not convinced it’s over for this dooode. If you’re out of it in your NL-Only keeper and you can get Frenchy for very cheap, like, one dollar cheap. I’d do it. Not a huge endorsement, but he’s still young.

Alexei Ramirez – Sometimes you have to watch a guy to fall fully in love with him. Well, I watched Alexei. He looks like premenopausal Alfonso Soriano.

Adam Lind – The dealer’s showing Pat Burrell. That’s a push.

  1. mc serch says:

    @ Grey — doode, you totally cheated me out of at least an assist on “Pronked” and it was my first contribution! You took my cherry and yet I’m still a virgin to the Razzball world (I feel like that guy in…… forget it).

  2. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    I’m totally sticking with Andrew “Ronald” Miller next year. I think the dude pulls a Garza or Baker and has an emotional moment with one of the members of the varsity baseball team about how he totally saved him that time he fell out of the tree and broke his arm.

    Seriously, Miller showed signs of awesome this year and he pitches in a pretty good park with an ok offense. Good wins and K’s and some yawnstipating era/whip, but i like him as a keeper anyway.

    Also, I’m the same guy starting Tim Redding tonight against Philly, so take that for what it’s worth.

  3. Shogun says:

    I’m in an oddly designed keeper league in which each manager only gets to keep two of his players. Obviously, the strategy is to keep the two biggest producers to prevent them from being drafted by other managers next year. I’m probably going to be picking between Pujols, Josh Hamilton, and Carlos Quentin.

    I’ll probably keep Pujols despite the injury risk. So, who should I keep between Hamilton and Quentin. Hamilton could OD tomorrow (or get injured – in fact, an injury could put him on a path to ODing) and Quentin only has one great season on his resume.

    Who is the better bet for next year? Any gut feelings? Other possible choices include Vlad, BJ Upton, Cole Hamels, or Joba Chamberlain. Thanks in advance for any input.

  4. BigFatHippo says:

    Re: Sizemore

    Some leadoff hitter eh?

    Who’s he think he is, Rickey?

    “What’s Grady gonna do today you ask? Grady’s gonna hit a home run today, Grady’s gonna steal a base, Grady’s gonna play till he’s 50 then Grady’s gonna eat pancakes for supper.”

  5. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Glossary, baby. Way better than Comment of the Week. Hopefully now I am out of the Bonaduce Doghouse.

    It’s bittersweet though, because I do love the Pronk. But Baseball Prospectus had this nailed last year, let alone this year. I think it’s safe to say we’ve seen the last 35+ HR season from the Pronkinator.

    Check the birthdate. He’s older than you think.

  6. Grey

    Grey says:

    @mc serch: You’re a rap impresario. What do you need with an assist?

    @IowaCubs: Andrew Miller’s a decent call. I’ll like him for next year.

    @BigFatHippo: Ha!

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: He’s a Latin 35, yet he’s not Latin. Weird!

  7. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Shogun: You have a boatload of possible choices there. I think Quentin’s a bit safer. He had a good eye in the minors and was projected to do what he’s oing now. It’s actually not too surprising. Hamilton is also one that should be good, but he’s more of an injury risk. He does have more upside. With only two keepers, you can totally take a risk and not get burned. I’d grab Hamilton, assuming he doesn’t OD or injury himself between now and next year.

  8. BigFatHippo says:

    Is anybody else having trouble accessing their Yahoo teams?

    I just went to check my team and can’t open either one, could be a Yahoo problem, could be my computer has an STD who knows.

  9. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: Probably Wiggington hacked into your teams and made it so you couldn’t drop him. I was able to get into my teams.

  10. BigFatHippo says:



    Unfortunately I don’t have Wiggy on my RCL team.

    I was able to get in after typing that message, maybe you’re right. Was actually gonna add Willingham to RCL cause he went 2/3 today.

    Then saw he’s 2/13 in the last week, nope still Unwillingham.

  11. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: Unwillngham – ha. I actually added him just for today on a few teams because I liked the matchup.

  12. BigFatHippo says:


    Congratulations shithead.

    Bastard didn’t have 2 hits in a month for me. He always did like you better.

    Broxton had a clean save finally, I was starting to worry bout the boy.

    Oh, and Loney was able to find his way back in my lineup what with Babe Wigginton off today. Hit a rare donk too.

  13. Steve says:

    Another crappy starter question – Jackson @ ChiSox tomorrow or Perkins @ Angels?

    If you said neither, I’d understand…

  14. Shogun says:

    @Grey: Thanks for the keeper advice. That’s the way I was leaning too; I just wanted more input.

  15. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Steve: Aren’t you punting WHIP and ERA this week? Why not start everyone? If you’re not punting ERA and WHIP, punt those two guys.

  16. SoS says:

    At my fantasy football draft this past weekend, I saw a guy in my baseball H2H. He had just picked up Balfour. He goes, “I saw you picked up Wheeler. Looks like you guessed wrong.” Looks like the jokes on him as only minutes after he made the comment, wheeler grabbed a one out save. Grey, you old dog you, making me look like a genius again.

  17. Grey

    Grey says:

    @SoS: Hehe. That’s awesome. I love to hear that.

  18. Steve says:

    @Grey: You’re right, of course. I’ll just keep throwing the dregs out there. I only have room for two SPs tomorrow tho – do you like Baek @ SF any more than Jackson or Perkins?

    And I don’t mean for your Razzball team.

  19. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Steve: Yeah, I do. Better than Perkins.

  20. wassup says:

    Damn!! Is Rios streaky as hell. The games after he goes 5-6 he goes 0-4 and 1-4 and tonight he’s already 3-3 with 3 RBI’s still in the 4th inning!!

  21. royce! says:

    I recall from my high school French class that “couer” means “heart,” and clearly “Fran” means Fran Drescher, who, coincidentally, is MC’ing a fundraiser for Obama in Beverly Hills tonight (times done changed for the MC indeed).

    Therefore, things do not bode well for “Frenchy.”

    In the immortal words of Euclid, “Q.E.D.”

  22. Grey

    Grey says:

    @wassup: Hopefully he goes on a hot streak until October.

    @royce!: Oddly, that makes perfect sense.

  23. Nick says:

    Who do I bench tomorrow?

    Wiggington vs Santana (5stars)
    Quentin & Dye vs Jackson (5stars each)
    Delgado vs. Oswalt (5stars)
    Markakis vs Mussina (4stars)

    I know based on stats Markakis probably should be benched but I’m not so sure he is the one…???

  24. Nick says:

    actually I have a better idea…play all of the above and bench jose reyes (2stars) since I can put wiggy at SS

  25. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: I’d bench Wiggington.

  26. Nick says:

    @Grey: alright

  27. john says:

    Who would you keep out of Jacoby Ellsbury, Alexei Ramirez, and CC Sabathia

  28. Grey

    Grey says:

    @john: I’d go with Sabathia, but a lot of times keepers depend on who else you are keeping.

  29. Ha.. Can’t Buy Me Love.

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