Grey is indisposed and asked if I would take a look see at the comings and goings in fake baseball land. So here I am. Not sure which to focus more on, the comings or the goings, but we’ll see how it goes or comes.

The more I watch baseball the more I hate pitchers. They are always getting hurt. They throw the ball right in front of the guy so all he has to do is stick this wooden club out there and hit it!  Just throw it away from him! Maybe into the outfield or something?  And relievers are the worst. SAGNOF is funny sounding and all, but lord have mercy; it’s a lot of shizztastic work picking up players like Wade Boggs’ uncles’ younger brother’s attorney at law Mitchell Boggs, but you gotta, and if you are in a league where he is still available, get me into it.  ‘Perts always say, hey, you gotta get in a better league if that guy is still on the wire. Um, hey ‘pert, doesn’t that mean I don’t have to live in New Zealand so I can be a day ahead of everyone which in turn will let me pick up all the choice SAGNOFers?  Wait, I would rather live in New Zealand, but if you live in frickin’ New Zealand why the hell are you sitting on your computer trying to pick up relievers!? Go outside! So anyway, Mr. Boggs was given the first save opportunity from TLR. He gave up a hit, but recorded the save and is the guy to own until something else happens which makes things change in some way.

Lance Berkman: Fat Puma is just taking pitchers down with a swipe to the flanks and then going for the jugular. In his last 7 games he’s had 13 hits, 6 home runs, 14 RBIs, and the love of a good woman. Will he keep this going? If I were a wagering man I’d say you are playing with house money at this point.

Geovany Soto: Soto went 0-4 on 4/20.

Matt Joyce: MJ went 2 for 3 yesterday with 2 doubles or is that two 2bs? Anywho, he started the season 1 for 20 and has been 14 for 30 since. If you do the math I think the latter is better.

Jose Reyes: He went 4 for 5 with 2 stolen bases and has hit safely in 15 of 18 games. I think our man Grey probably got you to draft him in your league. Thank me and I’ll tell Rudy and he’ll tell Grey and then Grey will tell the guy that writes all his posts.

Ricky Nolasco: He K’d 8 through 7 innings and gave up 4 hits in a win over the Buccos. Nolasco doesn’t seem to want to break out like he should, but he can do this to teams like the Pirates. Gotta take the good, the bad, learn some facts of life, etc…

Mike Napoli: Supposedly the addition of Taylor Teagarden will give Yorvit Torrealba (who names these people?) a backup and will help Napoli get more time at DH because he won’t have to be the emergency backup catcher, phew! And if that’s not how it works out? Va Fa Napoli! to all ya’ll!

Seth Smith: He went 2 for 3 with 3 runs and 2 RBIs against the Giants, which is not too shabby and nobody in their right mind wants to be shabby.  Smith will probably sit against lefties, but thankfully there are still people out there forcing their children to be right handed so the devil won’t have easy access to their souls.

Drew Storen: He recorded a 4 out save against the Cards yesterday. It’s looking more and more likely that Storen will be the guy as long as he doesn’t go Brad Lidge on us.

Ryan Franklin: Still not good.

Adam Dunn: Big Donkey Puncher and the donkey punchettes are losing like it’s going out of style, and Dunn is sucking like it is also going out of style (neither will ever go out of style).  I’d buy low on Dunn. When (if) Chicago warms up he’ll have no trouble sending baseballs into Lake Michigan.

Jered Weaver: Just to prove that not all pitchers suck, Weaver is going all Cy Young crazy on the American League and had a complete game win with 8 K’s against a tough Rangers team in a tough ballpark. He’s now 5-0 and on pace for a 600 K’s and 50 wins or something around there.  I’d trade any pitcher, so I’m always on the sell high train with them, but there’s also no reason to think he’s going to pull a Baldy Jimenez on us either.

  1. Adam says:

    Just got offered King Felix and Choo for J. Upton, Kimbrel and Boggs in a keeper…current SP is pretty suspect with just CC, Yovani, Scherzer, Buchholz and CJ Wilson, and I feel like I’d be an idiot to turn this down, but I hate to give up a potential monster like J-Up in a keeper. Should I stop overthinking this and accept it already? (Also, this would leave my closers/potential closers at Valverde, Putz, Farnsworth, Burnett, Motte and Santos, so still some depth there)

  2. Steve says:

    Love you too, Doc.

    Write soon!

    And I would go outside – but work gets in the way.

    (And let the record show that the NZer was beaten to Boggs by a West Coaster).

  3. Raj says:

    Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Enjoyed this update as much as Mr. Mustache’s. Good work to the both of you.

    @adam, in my league (which is a keeper), you would be crazy not to accept that deal in a vacuum, especially with all of the dust mites.

  4. muchacho says:

    so is napoli unownable now (in a 12 team 1 catcher mixed roto league)?

  5. AL KOHOLIC says:

    nolasco id looking decent

  6. Casey Blake's Beard says:

    Loved the writeup. However: “outfield of something?”

    Any and all, which side:

    Dunn + Bailey vs. Tabata + DLR ?

    Also, is Sean Burnett droppable at this point even if my save sitch is shaky?

    Thinking of picking up Joyce. (Boy, that’s just never going to sound right.)

  7. charlie batch says:


  8. Michael Bourne says:

    Where was the Ryan Rayburn blurb? Grey talks about him everyday! Oh that is Jim Leyland. Solid post Cowboy. Got me chuckling a few times and leaving with a warm, funny feeling on the inside. Or I am still buzzed.

  9. WDE05 says:


  10. Malacoda says:

    Good stuff.

  11. Jack the Ripper says:

    Pickup Joyce (or Ryan Roberts) & drop Ben Francisco?

  12. Bilbo 4 Baggers says:

    Would you rather have Jordan Zimmermann or Jorge De La Rosa moving forward? Also Danny Valencia or Wilson Betemit?

  13. paulzone says:

    need a hill replacement at 2b, who would you go with out of:

    izturis, espinosa, freddy sanchez, theriot


    i’m trying to pluck uggla away from an owner who has weeks too, but in the meantime…thanks.

  14. Chubby says:

    Doc –
    I have to Lizzy Borden a pitcher so who I give the axe too:
    Colby Lewis, “Kind” Bud Norris or Brandon League.

    Razzball > Breathing

  15. AL KOHOLIC says:

    good to hear from you doc,hope lifes been treating you good,great post,i dropped berkman the day before he went all mark mcgwire on us,boohoo.Have you heard any new updates on kendry morales or any whispers of dee gordon coming th L.A. to spark the offense

  16. AL KOHOLIC says:

    For any of you newer razzballers,doc here runs the football razzball season,the link is at the top of the page,he brings us offseason wisdom and news along with a season long #1 football analyst.Its a blast and a chance to play against other top competitors,thanks doc for the great work in our football site too,see ya real soon

  17. Wilsonian says:

    Good to hear from ya, Doc, and excellent stuff today.

    Couple questions for you and the commenters…

    Would you take Storen over Lyon or Farnsworth?

    Would you drop Burnett (have Kimbrel, Hanrahan, Walden) for a bat like Ryan Roberts or Trumbo?

  18. AL KOHOLIC says:

    Doc in my keeper league ,only 8 teams due to last minute cancellations,we can only use 4 rp,s,which one should i drop?kimbrel,walden,valverede,street or tough guy francisco rodriquez

  19. CheezWhit says:

    Great job Chet!!!

  20. MattW says:

    @doc, @Al Kaholic, @poontycoon,

    Who would you want more in a util spot going forward?

    S. Smith

    6×6 OBP and SLG

  21. The Vaporizers says:


    Who do you like better to fill utility spot today?

    Wilson Betemit facing Tomlin


    Matt Joyce facing Floyd

    And, who you like better for the season?

  22. SwaggerJackers says:

    @Doc: Nice jab at Grey in the Reyes blurb. The full truth comes out now: he doesn’t have a mustache, his name isn’t Grey and he doesn’t write his own posts.

  23. ujoh says:

    Quick hits…..

    Gregg, Farnsworth, Boggs. Pick 2.

    Espinosa or Lowrie.


  24. brian recca says:


    Boggs, Farnsworth


  25. papasmurf says:

    I have Boggs and I am rooting for Storen to win the closer job and Aardsma to come back quick cuz I need HLDs out of Burnett and League instead of saves now. If Franklin can do it, why not Boggs?

    Where did this resurgence from Berkman come from? I know it’s almost Easter but he ain’t Jaysus. I counted him out before the year.

    Some guys are having big bounceback Aprils… meanwhile the dudes that I hoped would, ain’t. Last or almost last in every offensive category except steals… which ironically was the one category I was most worried about after the draft.

  26. Dirty Jersey says:

    Grey, Thank you for the following:
    Telling me to draft Kershaw, Howard, Kemp, Kendrick (punt 2B) and Castro (Rudy & the punt)
    Telling me to avoid Crawford, & like 100 other terrible players

    But where to go from here on Pedro Alvarez??
    I have him benched and Freeeese playing 3B, but….
    Any chance you do a “Pedro Alvarez revisited” post for the followers who drafted him (and I am sure there were many) and are staring at his roster spot, Jerry Sands, and the guillotine — is it time to cut the fat with him?

  27. Dirty Jersey says:

    damn… this is Doc’s thread — my bad

  28. KCC26 says:

    what to do with Morneau?!? I know its early, but I’m feeling pretty concerned. Morneau (aside from last year) has never really shown elite homerun power or the ability to hit for an elite average. He has mostly relied on impressive RBI totals to drive his fantasy value, and with the twins offense in shamble, he might be lucky to collect more than 75 or so RBI this season. and there are guys on waivers who can hit .275-20-75…am i falling victim to the early season panic here? or should i be thinking about selling while theres still some value attached to his name? if so what type of player would you require in return to trade him now?

  29. trick dad says:

    need starting pitching, have extra OF’s.
    should I trade heyward for verlander OR weaver?

  30. Aardvark says:

    Who is Tyler Teagarden?

  31. Arrec Bardwin says:

    safe to drop burnett if you need a spot start later this week in a h2h points league? I’m a save whore so I have contreras, fuentes, boggs, feliz, valverde, and kimbrel already.

  32. @Everyone:

    I have 6 outfielders for 5 spots next week:

    Pence, Krispie Young, Victorino, Tabata, Sizemore, Bourjos.

    My league is OPS instead of AVG. At this point I feel like rolling with the first four and then Bourjos over Sizemore just based on the fact that Bourjos has been hitting and Sizemore is gonna sit at least one game per week. Thoughts?

    Also, I’m rolling the dice on two starts from Buchholz. Kid’s gotta get a quality start one of these days. Volquez can ride pine until he figures out the first inning.

  33. “…but thankfully there are still people out there forcing their children to be right handed so the devil won’t have easy access to their souls.”
    Classic. Your writing will make Grey Happy. BTW, After 420 you’re mind is often cloudy and your limbs lazy…but “indisposed”…c’mon Grey that must have been some serious bud.

    Who would be a couple of comp OF’ers to Sands? I’m trying to gage his value and role on my teams. Thanks!

    What’s up Rudy!?

  34. Calogero says:

    Benching Volquez. I’d honestly be shocked if he didn’t throw a gem, and then completely shellack my soul next time I think it’s safe to put him in.

  35. @Trick dad:

    I own Heyward all over the place. He has been a bit of an early letdown. Nevertheless, I would keep the J-Hey Kid. Unless you’re in dire need of pitching. Remember why you drafted the young stud. Pitching is always available…IMO )

  36. Busta says:

    Pence for Dunn? Like the buy low idea on Dunn…h2h points league favoring power hitting. Other players on my team:

    C: Montero
    1B: Lind
    2B: KJohnson
    SS: HanRam
    3b: Youk
    IF: Pena
    OF: J.Upton,Pence,Tabata
    UT: Sizemore
    B: Swisher,Alvarez

  37. @Arrec Bardwin:

    Storen looks like the gig is his again. I would drop Burnett like he boils and fleas…especially with your depth.

  38. Denys says:

    Jed Lowrie be killin’ ’em.

  39. Jackie says:

    In a vacuum, can you rank these guys in order? I am looking for a 5th outfielder in a 5×5 Mixed League:

    Bourjos, Frenchy, Sands, Rayburn, Joyce

  40. Son of a bench! says:

    Aaron Harang or Jorge De La Rosa

    Matt LaPorta or Danny Valencia

  41. charlie says:

    I got offered Berkman for Morneau in a 12 team 5×5 roto… would you still hold onto Morneau and hope he breaks out?

  42. Doc

    Doc says:

    Thanks for the kind words y’all. I’m going to go get a massage and a mani pedi. Listen to Grey. He’s the knees of bees and has seen at three cricket matches.

  43. ujoh says:

    My outfield currently consists of Kemp, Stanton and Victorino. I’ve got Gordon at 3B (who has OF status) and Longo coming back. I’ve got Berkman at Util as well.

    My question – with all these OFs, what should I do with Gardner? He’s on my bench right now, but I hate storing hitters in weekly H2H leagues (12 team) because I try to stream pitchers. There is no way I get value for him, but how long is his leash?

    I also have Hanley and Espinosa (does he run at all?), so do I even need Gardner’s steals? Kemp seems to win me steals all by himself as it is.

  44. chata says:

    the rumor is that selig may have been “tapping” mccourt ,
    which may or may not have helped initiate divorce proceedings .

    the question , now , is which one ?

  45. yankees2011 says:

    Doc (and Grey),
    I will have to tune in during Football Season. Good Stuff!

    I was considering picking up Beachy or at least improving my Util Spot. Would you add Brandon or possibly Trumbo for any of the following:

    Johny Damon (Bench)
    A. Cabrera (Util)
    S. Burnett (one of three Closers although it appears only a matter of time befroe Storen moves in)
    J. Vasquz (Bench)

    Thanks guys!

  46. Team Benson says:

    Can someone let me know what to do with Carol Pena’s corpse?

    In all seriousness, I am a first-year players, so I’m still learning the ropes. This nagging thumb injury has me worried. What are other owners doing with this guy? Should I sit him? Drop him? It doesn’t help me that LaRouche is my other 1b.


  47. Deeeeeeez Nuts says:

    Could you please rank: Beckham, Espinosa and Lowrie?


  48. Wake Up says:

    Anybody have the scoop on what is up with McCutchen?

  49. agarthered says:


  50. Shmorgie S. Board says:

    What do people think of Hank Conger in general, or dropping Carlos Ruiz to pick him up specifically?

  51. Derrick says:

    I receive Carlos Gonzalez

    I send Gallardo, Tabata and Broxton

    Should I do this?

  52. nyydj2 says:

    Would you drop JZimm for Liriano right now?

  53. Wilsonian says:

    Since Hudson really blew that first inning…it looks like Mike Leake has a chance to “steal” a win today…

  54. nyydj2 says:

    I tried trading for Leake but the other guy wants the shirt off my back for him…..

  55. nyydj2 says:

    You can’t run on him, he leads all pitchers in caught stealing…..

  56. Stinky Cheese Man says:


    Which side do you like?

    Beckham/Krispie Young

  57. dja says:

    would you consider giving up prince for dunn+quentin in an obp league?

  58. dja says:

    beejupton or matt cain who wins?

  59. @dja:
    Depends on needs…I’d want B.J. I think there is generally an abundance of servicable Sp’s all year…hitters will get thin real soon IMO. Plus, a lot of numbers crunchers aren’t bullish on Cain.

  60. @dja:
    Hold on to Prince for sure! His walk year will be huge!!

  61. @Derrick:
    I’d pull the trigger for Cargo. It should be noted that I’m really down on Broxton though.

  62. Randy BoBandy says:

    Broxton should be referred to as Porxton from now on.

  63. Wilsonian says:

    Logan Morrison out 2 to 4 weeks with sprained ligament in his foot…he’ll still be sporting the Logan Moccasin for about a month.

  64. Steve says:

    Come on Dodgers. How many effing chances do you want?

    Oh and great news on Morrison. Just what I needed to hear.

  65. Steve says:

    Really annoyed now.

  66. genghis chone says:

    Soria/Dempster or Chad Billingsley?

  67. Steve says:

    Kershaw and the Dodgers just made me cry.

  68. Steve says:

    Kershaw gave up the go-ahead runs on his 124th pitch.

    Nice one, Don.

  69. Wake Up says:

    Longo hitting off of a tee. Hopefully he will be able to retain his vermiform appendix too.

  70. paulzone says:

    jurjjens or danny hudson?

  71. paulzone says:

    Are you kidding me? Morneau is out of the lineup again. Wtf! I had the whooping cough and only missed 2 days of work. Suck it up douche.

  72. nyydj2 says:

    Morneau and Mauer both got weak in the legs together for the Minnesota Mono,s.

    Seriously though, I’m starting to wonder if it’s the flu or he’s still dealing with the woozy factor.

  73. Steve says:

    C’mon Braves. At least get me a Kimbrel win out of this train wreck.

  74. Eddy says:

    Pedro Alvarez solo shot!

    I don’t think it’s ever felt so good to be sonavabenched.

  75. Bazzrall says:

    Another Sands oh-fer..

  76. Whiskey Diet says:

    Current infidels: 2B Raburn SS A. Escobar

    14 Team H2H

    Lose either of the two for:

    Felipe Lopez

    Stay up

  77. Whiskey Diet says:

    What’s it called when you constantly find a new player you covet, go to the trade menu and figure a trade, but can’t grow the marbles to offer up guy(s) on your team because you’re afraid it will bite you in the end?

    Is that insanity or is there something there?

  78. royce! says:

    I know I’m a little late on this topic, but the Philliebot got me thinking– what is the difference between a robot and a machine? Because pitching machines have been around forever, and no one would get excited about seeing a pitching machine throw the first pitch, but a robot? Well, actually, it was Phillies fans, so of course they booed. But still.

    Some team should have the pitching machine throw out the first pitch. They could be like, “there is no one here worthy of throwing out the first pitch. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.”

  79. dja says:

    now that storen is closing over burnett, would you
    a) hang onto burnett and hope
    b) drop him
    c) drop him for joe nathan and hope for nathan ?

  80. First things first… RW Vegas, Dunky McBottlechucker’s return will be lame (otherwise they would have had a better tease than, “Pull over, I’m gonna’ puke.), but the closer we get to the gay porn reveal, the more epic I feel it’s going to be.

    As for fantasy baseballing, what the frick is up with Sean-Rod? He doubles, and then triples in the game-winning RBI… and is subsequently benched in back-to-back games? I don’t want to jump the gun and drop him, but I need some stats from my MI slot. Perhaps I drop Morton instead (I’m a bit salty over his last start), but for who… Darwin Barney? 12-Teamer, not much on the FA list.

  81. AL KOHOLIC says:

    thank you mr stanton,

  82. Eddy says:

    Alvarez 3-3, last hit infield single for an RBI (though he kind of got jammed).

    Sorry for spamming his every AB. It’s just that it brings so much joy that he’s actually doing something. I hope he comes alive for next week’s H2H match against the biggest smack talker in my league.

  83. Trick dad says:

    Please rank the following sp’s: wood, lohse, d hudson. Thanks!

  84. Steve says:


    That’s how Hanley, Kemp, Heyward and Krispie are doing for me in H2H this week.

  85. Flunkie says:

    Activate Bay, dropping Sands? Other OFs are Braun, Torii, Victorino, Delmon Young, and David Murphy. Four OF spots and 2 Util spots, all being occupied by these six OFs. Losing confidence in Sands already.. :(

  86. AL KOHOLIC says:

    i think youk just came out of the game,anyone know why?

  87. AL KOHOLIC says:

    youk,fouled one off his shinbone which is connected to,didnt look to bag

  88. the grate one says:

    grey, is now a good opp to acquire lomo?? or is a foot injury something to worry about

  89. AL KOHOLIC says:

    atleast we are getting strikouts from latos,but he isnt right

  90. Eddy says:

    Getting harder and harder to ignore Beckett…

  91. Wilsonian says:

    Think I gotta drop Hudson to let him figure things out on waivers in my 8 team,league. Who’s the pick up (if there is one):

    Kuroda, Kennedy, Nolasco, Masterson, Myers, Beachy, Shields?

    Also, would you drop Smooth for one of them if you had some Wieties already?

  92. The Grapist says:

    You guys can thank me for big ol Pedro Alvarez coming to life. I cut him yesterday… It is a points league and he was dead last out of every batter whose played so far. -8. yes thats negative.

  93. nyydj2 says:

    Ryan Howard with the Golden Sombrero. Grey, you did not tell me he was Latos intolerant.

  94. WDE05 says:

    I can’t get a save this week to…uh…save my life.

    My closers are Kimbrell and Walden. Both team’s offenses screwed me out of save opps with late offensive outbursts already this week. Today, Kimbrell finally gets his first opp. this week and he blows it. Angels just had a leadoff extra base hit with the game tied in the 8th and Aybar stupidly gets throwing out at 3rd with no one out. So frustrating.

    Weaver just worked a scoreless top of the 9th. I know its asking way too much to think the A’s offense might score in the bottom to get Walden the W.

  95. WDE05 says:

    Edit…make that Walden worked a scoreless top of the 9th…

  96. aj says:

    who would you own between
    Ryan Roberts
    Ben Francisco

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