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Here’s the reason why us residents of the Bold North, USA (ZIP Code issuance pending) never supported that whole Marie Kondo trend of paring down our clothes drawers: this past week, we’ve gone from a 17 degree low, to a supposed 80-degree high next Wednesday. I have four seasons’ worth of drawers, and I’m not talking about storage. I just did an easter egg hunt and there was still ankle-deep snow, at the same time as the Twins had their home opener series. Great baseball weather, eh?

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Welcome folx and family! We awake into a brilliant new year of MLB baseball where theft is common, the per-hour wages have increased nearly 10%, and random young minds are usurping the services of the veterans. It’s complete anarchy! And who better to guide you through the mean streets of MLB than your one and only host, EverywhereBlair. I’ve been doing this pitcher thing at Razzball for over three years now. I understand that you have a choice in which anonymous internet face you go to for fantasy baseball advice, and I’m proud to be your anonymous face. Whether you’re joining for the first time or have been there since my first Jake Odorizzi sleeper that had two subtitles, I’m happy to have you along. 

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Your most anticipated article of the year is here! I can read your mind like I read a Twitter feed: scattered and filled with unmentionable things. But don’t worry, I won’t tell people about your Gundam fantasy. Let’s stick to the socially acceptable fantasies — like baseball!

Every year, I sift through my trove of data and give you ridiculous yet data-driven takes that aim to give you the edge in your fantasy team construction. Successful calls have included Robbie Ray and Luis Castillo, while failed calls have included Jack Flaherty and Tyler Mahle. So…if it wasn’t for injuries, I’d be Nostradamus!

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You love a masterful start. Pawn to E4. Welcome to the Jungle. The pilot of The Sopranos. Friends, I don’t know if you’ll agree with me, but I had a masterful start in our RazzSlam best ball contest. Why does this matter? Because it’s basically the same philosophy and scoring system behind your favorite best ball moneymakers, whether it be on Underdog or NFBC or OnlyFans. At least, OnlyFans told me they did “best balls.” Did I misunderstand? Possibly.

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Every year, I write about how the least effective thing I can do to help your fantasy game is rank pitchers. Every year, readers shout at me “But what about Jack Black in Nacho Libre, wasn’t that Oscar-worthy?” To them I reply, “This is an article about pitchers, but yes, total snub.” After a few moments of wiping the Cheeto dust from their mouth, readers then reply, “But I don’t understand anything unless it’s hierarchical, like the Oscars. There needs to be a winner, some runners-up, and 10,000 losers.” That’s fine. Baseball culture is accustomed to lists. Standings. Category leaders. Batting orders. Heck, even the positions are numbered 1-9 (sorry all you right fielders). I love a good list. But should you?

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Welcome to over-reaction season, friends! I’ll admit, I’ve drafted Jordan Walker in the 11th round already, and I have Adalberto Mondesi rostered as my [checks notes] starting Middle Infielder. The season is spicy! There are no “right” or “wrong” ways to draft a team. However, there are more “statistically optimal” and “downright stupid” ways of […]

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Industry league drafts have started, which means the “experts” are setting the early ADP benchmarks. As Grey often writes, there’s a flow to ADP determination: 1) the super-early drafters who show up in November and December and try to pick up injury darlings at a cheap price; 2) the best ballers who show up in January and February to get “ADP value” as part of their diversification schemes; 3) the industry mavens who draft 100 leagues apiece in late February to early March; and 4) the home leagues that show up in the middle or end of spring training and suffer the consequences of the previous three stages of arbitrariness.

ADP isn’t scientific — it’s social engineering.

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Revealing one’s pitcher rankings is a vulnerable moment, much like walking out to the beach and showing all of your friends what you really look like when you’re not wearing three layers of hoodies over your Pokemon onesie. Last week, I debuted my 2023 draft rankings, and despite my placement of Brady Singer in the Top 15, I had more questions about Kyle Wright. What the audience wants, I deliver! So let’s wander down to the ocean’s edge, get a little campfire going, and see how the fireballers in the MLB are faring so far. I’ve got the rum if you’ve got the tin cup!

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Gentlemen and ladies and enbies and everyone in-between, welcome to 2023 fantasy baseball! Usually, I’m semi-hilarious in these posts (at least according to my Mom’s Yelp review), but I figure this article is one of those “bookmark it”-types that you’ll load during your drafts. Quick! You’ve got 30 seconds to draft a player, and you just got sniped on Manny Pina. This draft is out of control! Put your hand on the wheel and drive into the sunset CowPlayer — I’ve got your next draft pick slotted up in this here bonanza of an article.

Here’s the outline of this article: 1) Why I’m the sugar to your ant colony, 2) Pitchers to draft in 2023, 3) Pitchers to avoid in 2023, 4) the whole dang list.

I value your time and your ability to use the search function in a timed-draft setting, so if you want to know more about specific pitchers, come back each week and read my updates throughout the pre-season.

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Hey everybody! This article will wrap up my 2022 starting pitcher analysis. I’ll explain my rankings process, highlight some notable successes, and highlight the deficiencies. Along the way, I’ll teach you how to build your ranking sheet from Razzball data! If you’re the kind of person that thinks managing an Excel sheet with 3,000 data points is fun, this article is for you!

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Well folks (leaving the comma out makes it sound like you live in a well and you’ll emerge like The Ring and I like that aesthetic) — you’re either in the fantasy baseball playoffs, or you really love reading me week in and week out. Probably the former, but I’ll pretend it’s the latter. Some leagues have already finished, like the Tout Wars Daily Fantasy League that our own MattTruss claimed second place in this year. Congrats Truss! Other leagues are entering their first (or second!) round of playoffs right now. RCLs and best ball leagues go until the last day of the season. So, let’s put it this way: as long as you’re here asking questions, I’ll keep posting. Sound fair?

That said, as we’re down to less than a month of MLB baseball, it’s less and less useful for me to tell you how a pitcher might regress. So, just as we did away with the rankings about a month ago, we’re going to continue shifting the format of this column to help everybody with their pitching plans throughout the fantasy playoffs. We’ll combine some news, some pitcher pickup options, and cover some matchups to target or avoid. As always, toss your questions down in the comments, and I’ll do my best to not embarrass myself or yourself or Greyself. Grey’s elf? What is this, The Lord of the Rings?

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About a month ago, we joined hands in a prayer circle and prayed to the Ghost of Tommy John that he wouldn’t claim the elbows of any of our fantasy starters. So far, so good. Tommy John must have approved of our sacrifice of Coolwhip and offerings of Orange Julius! Thank you for your service to Razzball, Whip, and please don’t haunt us. We were just trying to win! But for real, Whip is alive and kicking and that Orange Julius in fresh in my hand, ready for slurping through a hot dog straw.

The majority of y’all who are still attending my weekly starting pitcher therapy sessions are here because you’re in the fantasy playoffs. If so, drop me a line in the comments and let me know what you need, friend! For everybody else, I assume you’re here either because of inertia, my jokes, or you just want to see if I somehow lose my sanity and tell you to spend all of your dynasty bucks on Sandy Alcantara. The latter will never happen. 

Let’s jump in and see what we can do for your fantasy playoffs! 

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