Injuries? You want injuries? Well, good sir (ma’am, Donkey from Shrek, Borg or whatever), you’ve come to the right place. 2014 is no stranger to the maimed, sick and downtrodden. If the 2014 baseball season were a movie, it would be a combination of Outbreak, Hostel, Saving Private Ryan and The Fan (man, that sh*t was terrible). The All-Star break is just a few weeks away, so here are some players hitting the DL or coming off of it that you need to be keeping an eye on…
Bryce Harper, Nationals: Clearly all that Call of Duty paid off. Harper’s original timetable of July 1 is looking more and more like a real possibility. Apparently he put on some kind of hitting spectacle at batting practice this week and and deemed himself “ready to go”. If there’s even the slightest chance his owners aren’t up-to-date on the news, now may be the final opportunity to buy low on the D.C. Kid.
Francisco Liriano, Pirates: Liriano insists that he is making rapid progress in his recovery from an oblique injury. That’s great and all, but let’s try to make some rapid progress in your ERA recovery.
Wilson Ramos, Nationals: Ramos is an old friend of this column. In fact, he should probably start buying stock in it with how much his name appears on here. The Nats catcher has been sidelined with a hamstring injury but hit a homer in Saturday’s rehab game. He should be activated from the DL this Thursday, which is the first day he’s eligible to do so. He’s got tremendous power and this DL stint may have actually been a blessing in disguise for owners, as the extra time off could only help in the healing process from his early season hamate bone surgery. Now, stay away from here, Wilson! Go! Shoo!
Brandon Belt, Giants: Got his boot removed and has been taking batting practice. Belt? Naw. More like Bootstrapless Brandon.
Drew Pomeranz, A’s: A breakout season for the A’s lefty turned into, well, just a break. The “Dumb Ass of the Year Award” goes to Drew Pomerzanz. Oh, excuse me, it’s pronounced “doo-mahws”.
Shane Victorino, Red Sox: Had a setback in his recovery from a hamstring injury, but John Farrell says it’s nothing to worry about. I can see Farrell’s nose growing by the second — and I live in California! I wouldn’t roster Victorino if my life depended on it. Flyin’ Hawaiian? More like Crash-landing Hawaiian.
Corey Hart, Mariners: If he can avoid any setbacks, Hart should be able to return around the first or second week of July. For someone so injury-prone, wearing sunglasses at night seems like an unnecessary hindrance, though, doesn’t it?
Juan Uribe, Dodgers: Expected to be back in the Dodgers lineup either Tuesday or Wednesday. Was slashing .303/.331/.454 before hitting the DL on May 21. Owners in deep OBP leagues could do worse. He’s only 10 percent owned on ESPN.com.
Clay Buchholz, Red Sox: The Boston righty has been on the DL with a phantom knee ouchie. Rumor has it that Red Sox trainers treated his injury with some bactine and a Hello Kitty band-aid, but he was denied a sour apple lollipop afterward. Buchholz — and his 7.02 ERA — should join the Sox rotation at some point this week, although the date hasn’t been determined. Yep, the Red Sox seem okay with losing at this point. Hello, Andrew Wiggins!! Oh, wait…
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