I remember when I first came in contact with Fantasy Golf. I was eight years old on the boardwalk of the Jersey Shore and my grandmother and I were at a makeshift tiki hut where a teenager was handing out clubs. I held a golf club up to my waist — perfect size! The teenager then handed me a scorecard, a mini pencil and, finally, a golf ball, but it slipped through my little fingers and started bouncing down the boardwalk. I gave chase and, right as I was about to reach the bouncing ball, tripped and the mini golf pencil went through the palm of my hand. Now, whenever I have to sign anything, I just turn my hand over and scribble with the back of my hand. *intern whispers in my ear* I’m told Fantasy Golf is not mini putt-putt where you play wearing a wizard’s pointed hat and try to avoid getting your ball in the dragon’s moat. That is a shame. Well, in that case, what are we doing? *intern whispers in my ear* Uh-huh. *intern whispers in my ear* Right. *intern whispers in my ear* And… *intern whispers in my ear* Okay, okay, stop. I don’t have a clue about Fantasy Golf. Like zero clues. Like I’m in an elevator and Professor Plum, Colonel Mustard and Mrs. White all get on and I still have no clue. (That is almost as strained as every analogy Tom Verducci makes in the announcer’s booth of the World Series. “These managers will need to be more imaginative than Stephen King!” Apparently, Harold Reynolds’s stupid is rubbing off.) Since I had no idea, I asked our Fantasy Golf ‘pert, Joe MacDonald (who I believe was the villain on Happy Gilmore) to explain it, and here’s what he said:
“At Razzball Golf, we will provide the news, views and numbers you’ll need to make the most of your fantasy golf experience. In addition to telling you what happened last week, we’ll look into our crystal ball and preview upcoming events on the PGA Tour and other key tournaments from around the world of golf. Our goal is to give you the facts and figures you need to make the best fantasy golf lineup decisions and, hopefully, help you win your league. All that plus exclusive player rankings, updates and insightful opinions from our team of golf writers and analysts. And farts.” So, there you have it. Joe has promised me a level of competence at our Fantasy Golf section that you have grown to expect from Razzball, then I asked what kind of competence did he mean and he shrugged. Sounds perfect! Joe is Canadian, so I know he won’t let us down. They’re salt-of-the-earth people directly above Niagara and somewhere north of Seattle. (Is there a Canada above Minnesota? Like a Middle Earth Canada?) Any hoo! Go check out Fantasy Golf and remind yourself in a few short years Razzball has gone from making fart jokes to having someone talk about golf in Kuala Lumpur. Is that the cute little marsupial from Australia? *intern whispers in my ear* Apparently, it’s not.
