Here’s one of the oddest schmohawks I’ve ever seen. If you ask everyone who carries a fantasy baseball ‘pert laminated diploma from the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston in their fanny pack, they will tell you Adam Wainwright is angling for a disappointment this year. I’ve seen it written more times than I count. Of course, I can only count to seven, but, as Fonzie’s horse says, naaaaaaaay, my brain is still baffled by this peculiarity that I am witnessing. This peculiarity that just makes no sense. This peculiarity that is as hard to look at as an un-Photoshopped Beyonce. Along with these DANGER AHEAD articles on Wainwright, he’s also being ranked high. As the Spanish would say, question mark, what, question mark. Come here, sit on my lap and ask, “Why, Unkie Grey, does everyone warn against Wainwright then rank him high anyway?” Figuratively! Get off my lap! My best guess why we’re in some kind of Twilight Zone episode where Wainwright has become Wainwrong yet is still being ranked high while Burgess Meredith tries to locate another pair of eyeglasses is because everyone knows Wainwright. That’s right, he’s being ranked high because everyone knows him. It’s why Verlander was still ranked high last year. If you have three million people at your site that know Wainwright, is it easier to explain to three million people why Wainwright is headed for a bad year or is it easier to just rank him high and move on? Yes, I’m saying ESPN, Yahoo, CBS and Fox (does Fox have fantasy?) are just taking the easy way out and saying Wainwright will be good even though they know he won’t. Does that surprise you? If it does, I suggest you don’t open the gag can of peanuts in Spencer’s Gifts. You’ll really have a heart attack then. So, what makes Adam Wainwright overrated for 2015 fantasy baseball?
The number 7.1 is pretty damning. “Hey, what did I ever do to you?!” says the number 7.1. That was his strikeout rate last year. That was also his lowest K-rate since 2007, which was many years and arm injuries ago. Could it be a blip? An aberration? An Ashley Graham in a sea of Kate Uptons? It could be, except his velocity also dipped to 90 MPH. The last time his velocity dipped around that low was in 2012 when he had the ERA of 3.94. Last year, his ERA was only 2.38, but that’s being masked by a 3.34 xFIP due to some favorable luck. So, this year his ERA goes up to 3.40 with a 7 K/9 and 17 wins, worst things have happened, you say in that condescending tone you reserve for your mother. Have I mentioned he’s 33 years old and just gave his elbow a dreaded vote of confidence in January after having surgery in October? Oh, yeah, he had a cartilage trimmed in his elbow. Sounds awesome! Did he go to Supercuts and ask for Jeffrey? So, let’s pile on the list further: his velocity is falling, he’s getting to the age where velocity won’t miraculously return, his K-rate is dipping, his elbow is getting a little off the sides and ESPN, CBS, Yahoo and Fox (seriously, they have fantasy?) are telling you to draft him in the top 50 overall? Oh. *takes out early pregnant test, urinates on it, sees you’re having a baby, sighs* Kay. The best (worst) will be at some point this offseason when ESPN tells you Wainwright’s not safe. That will be the best (not best) because they will say it while ranking him higher than anyone. Makes sense. In opposite world or Poland, depending how far Waze took you off course.
