2022 Yahoo Fantasy Baseball Rankings Ranklings

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Every year, I put on a David Carradine-limited edition kimono, and walk the earth to ruminate on the perfect place for each player in my fantasy baseball rankings. Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs called me one year, asking if he could film my feet after one of these “walking of the earth” seshs. I declined, because my feet after 8,000 steps (according to my iWatch) on the sands of Redondo Beach are…*shudders*…I stepped on a half-eaten corndog this year. With mustard! And that’s not a euphemism for Paul DeJong. Do the guys from Yahoo Fantasy don a kimono and walk the earth for a full half-an-afternoon like me to do the Yahoo fantasy baseball rankings? Are they stepping on half-eaten corndogs for you? I highly doubt it. “These Yahoo rankings are not Kung Fu!” I scream into the jetty, as I excavate for starfish, which calms me. So, after I kebab multiple starfishes onto a skewer, I sit by an open fire, dining out on nature, and will now compare my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings with 2022 Yahoo fantasy baseball rankings:

Hiya! With my hand, I chop a piece of balsa wood, the strongest wood known to man after Tommy Lee in the late-90s, as I take a look at my comparison from last year between my rankings and Yahoo fantasy baseball rankings. Some are glorious and some I should not be pointing out to you, because they are so egregiously terrible, but they made me laugh, and really that’s what’s most important. Guys I told you to avoid:

That’s right, Grey Carradine predicted an injury to deGrom and Bauer being a piece of garbage. Incredible, this guy’s got more foresight than foreskin, said my mohel. Okay, now for my staged adaption of Don’t Look Up, but I call it Don’t Look At Paul Goldschmidt, Starling Marte, Jose Altuve And Aaron Judge In That Chart! Both are starring Cate Blanchett. In mine, she plays Starling Marte. Still don’t love two of those four. I can’t ever get in on Jose Altuve, huh? I wonder if I have something against short kings. Might account for the self-loathing.

Now, guys I told you to get in on at their price:

Bo Bichette is a chef’s kiss as grand as Liberace’s piano (very hip and masculine reference). Luis Robert apparently can screw me over every year, and I will never not forgive him. I still keep Yordan’s Statcast page saved in my heart’s bookmarks. How’sever, some of these others are less understandable, unless you remember I was dropped on my head multiple times as a child. Seeing Leody Taveras is hilariously awful. He was so bad I don’t even remember what I liked about him. Not even exaggerating. Was it his speed? I don’t know. Eric Hosmer is so painful to see as a recommendation. Did I eat a can of beans and forget to swallow, causing me to have a three-month-long brain fart? My love for Kyle Lewis is more of a sickness at this point. How about the love for Dylan Moore? Grey was digging for steals and finding doodie bubbles.

Any hoo! That was last year, and this is this year. My calendar says so! It’s time to take my cardboard sword out of my cardboard belt and slice and dice some em-effers! YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?! I scream at my reflection. Then, my reflection hands me a cage housing a dove, which is a metaphor for something I don’t understand. Damn it, reflection, stop being obtuse! So, the first guy that jumps out between Yahoo’s fantasy baseball rankings and mine is Ronald Acuña Jr. Don’t jump out too quickly, we need you healthy! Tildaddy is down at 22nd overall for Yahoo, and I have him at five overall and, in Rudy’s Yahoo rankings, he’s down at number 6. This is a bizarro year for the top 10 for 2022 fantasy baseball. It’s the biggest first tier in history, dating back hundreds of years in fantasy baseball (or maybe two or three years). If Tildaddy were healthy, he’d be the number one overall guy, and that tier might just be him. He’s said he can hit, but not play outfield until late May. That sucks. Too bad there’s no DH in the NL. *five hours later it slowly dawns on me* Oh my God, there is an NL DH! Even in 450-ish at-bats, Tildaddy has a chance to be the number one fantasy hitter this year.

In 2019, I was higher than everyone on Ronald Acuña Jr. In 2020, it was Fernando Tatis Jr. In 2021, it was Bo Bichette. This year…Enter stage right…*caught in the curtains* Can someone please open the curtains for Wander Franco?! Guys and five girl readers, you want to be too early vs. too late on some guys. These are the kind of guys that will win you leagues. Do you not want to win leagues? Is your mother right saying you’re afraid of success? Gather your emotional baggage together, store it in the overhead compartment, and draft Wander Franco before everyone else!

Already gave you my Walker Buehler overrated post, so I’m not going to belabor this, but Rudy (54th overall) and I (37th overall) are on the same page with avoiding him, and Yahoo has him at 14th overall. Rudy and I are not on the same page with Shane Bieber, but Rudy and Yahoo are; they both love him. Hey, Rudy, why don’t you and Behrens get a room! Shane Bieber could be great, if he stays healthy. That “if” has its own zip code. When you google “Shane Bieber + injury,” Google asks you to be more specific.

All right, enough ha on the hoo, I’m going to list players in a handy chart. The Thank You’s have it. It being good value from my rankings vs. Yahoo’s. The No Thank You’s don’t have it. They’re bad people. Meh, they might be okay people, but they’re likely not ending up on any of my Yahoo drafted teams. For this, I’ll be using my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings (go figure!) and Yahoo’s 2022 fantasy baseball rankings (crazy, right?). Note: I wrote this the other day, so if the numbers aren’t exactly right, it’s because they heard my footsteps. Let’s see where they have Leody Taveras this year!

THANK YOU

NO THANK YOU