We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere.  To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2009 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team.  We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway).  The 2009 Cubs Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Hire Jim Essian.

1) Give me an over under on games played for Alfonso Soriano.  And are you taking the over or under?

In the regular season, 140.5, and I’ll take the over.  In the postseason, 3.5, and I’ll take the under.

2) Who’s the Cubs closer?  (If you say Marmol, please explain why the Cubs got Gregg.)

Carlos Marmol.  The Cubs only got Kevin Gregg so Sean Marshall wouldn’t be the ugliest pitcher on the staff any more.  This is, of course, assuming that Michael Wuertz is in AAA this year.

3) George Steinbrenner once called Dave Winfield, “Mr. May.”  Is it fair to call Derrek Lee, “Mr. April?”  Where has his power gone?

“Mr. April” is unfair, but “Mr. June” is accurate.  I’m going to go ahead and continue blaming Jim Hendry for Lee’s loss of power.  If Hendry had pulled the trigger and signed Rafael Furcal prior to the 2006 season, Furcal would have never drunkenly staggered into Lee’s wrist, breaking it and sapping Lee of all his power.  Plus, the Sports Corner would have never gone out of business if Furcal lived in Chicago.  If the collision with Furcal isn’t the sole cause of the drop in power, I expect the phantom slap fight Lee had with Chris Young finished the job of neutering Lee.  It’s not easy to put much of a charge into a ball when you’re hoping one of your teammates will get between it and you before you swing.

4) Geovany Soto’s projections from Bill James 71/23/89/.293 from CHONE 56/17/73/.279. Which do you think is more accurate?

Who the hell does Chone Figgins think he is?  A mathematician?  My KERMIT projections are more accurate than both.  I assume those numbers are Runs/Home Runs/RBIs/BAC after the Cubs win the World Series, so I’ll go with 100/30/105/.342  Those numbers assume that the Cubs sign Paul Bako, forcing Lou Piniella to play Soto in 160 games.

5) The guy from Saw becomes a baseball fan and makes you choose between a brain operation that makes you no longer enjoy the Cubs and sausage sanwiches or he’ll remove a testicle and the Cubs win the World Series.  Which operation do you choose?

Trick question.  The guy from Saw is dead.  OR IS HE?  Those movies suck.  A brain operation that takes away the number one source of stress in my life and lowers my cholesterol sounds good, but brain surgery is a lot more dangerous than testicle surgery.  Plus, as Felix Pie knows, sometimes the guys are way more trouble than they’re worth.  Take the ball from me, just like Lou should have done to Ryan Dempster after the fourth inning of Game One.

  1. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    Nice work by two of my favorite blogs.

    You are wrong on Soriano. He will play in 170 games. How you ask? He will pitch and play left field at the same time in 25 games. Mean, quick-release fastball.

  2. wiudavis says:

    I think you could have a testical festival with all the balls you could accumulate with that offer. We could then use that money to buy Jake Peavy.

  3. Eric W says:

    the real over/under is 10 starts for Mark Pri I mean rich harden.

  4. BigFatHippo says:

    Alright Grey, the mockingbird has spoken and momma’s not gonna buy me a Baseball team.

    So you’re gonna have to. I’ve listed all your tiers by position in my handy dandy little book of fantasy juggernauts which I’ve deemed……

    “Grey’s Handy Dandy Little Book of Fantasy Juggernauts”

    Catchy isn’t it? Somewhere I’ve heard that phrase before. Reminds me of the time someone introduced me to their friend, Deja Vu…………

    “This is my friend, Deja Vu.”
    “Nice to meet you, Deja Vu.”
    Shakes hand…..”Haven’t we met somewhere before…….?”

    Anyway, like the dead bird on my front lawn says, “my mocking days are over, lets get it on…………..!”

    Bring me your pitcher tiers, especially closers man, gotta have my closers, cabin fever has set in, I’m about to go all Jack Nicholson on my roomie, please save him, somebody stop me……………………aaauuuggghhhhhhh

  5. Grey

    Grey says:

    @IowaCubs: Aw, ain’t you sweet?

    @Eric W: Yeah, Rich Harden’s about a year away from being diagnosed with the same shizz Baldelli had for like a sneeze.

    @BigFatHippo: Top 20 and 40 starters are coming Monday and Tuesday and closers are coming Wednesday. I think you need another couple of mocks though, but none of those slow ones. Those grate after like a day.

  6. BigFatHippo says:

    @Grey: Done several fast ones, seems I kinda keep ending up with the same guys in certain rounds.

    Oh well, my league is an auction anyway and I don’t think the mocks help that much.

    couchmanagers has started mock auction drafts, might participate in one of those but then again my pitching staff is set with my keepers so would it really help?

  7. This is just a shout-out to Bad Kermit of Hire Jim Essian for participating!

  8. Mark says:

    Hire Jim Essian was very entertaining. Can we get a duplicate season out of Ryan Dempster?

  9. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Mark: Not sure what HJE thinks but I do not think Dempster’s going to approach last year’s numbers.

  10. Jeff says:

    Even though the view from the rooftop seats isn’t that great.. watching Game 2 made me cringe. Good things I’m a Sox fan at heart… I don’t really need to like the cubs anymore anyhow.

  11. Thanks again for asking me to participate, Grey.

    @Mark: I highly doubt Dempster puts up the kind of numbers he did last year, but I spent all of last year waiting for the “punchline,” and it didn’t come until Game 1 of the NLDS. Honestly, I don’t think a 3.50 ERA and a similar WHIP (just over 1.200 in 2008) is out of the question.

    I’ll be interested to see if his strikeouts stay up in the high 100s. I figure last year’s unexpected success had to have come from one of two things. Either Dempster wasn’t kidding about busting his ass to get into great shape, or that little “glove flip” thing he did really had hitters fooled. If it’s the former, and he keeps it up, I think he’ll be a top NL starter again. If it’s the latter, the joke is going to be on Cubs fans.

    Now, someone’s going to pick him, Dempster is going to suck, and that someone is going to blame me. That someone’s name? Bad Kermit.

  12. Chone Figgins says:

    I’m gritty, that’s what I am.

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