We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2009 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2009 Cubs Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Hire Jim Essian.
1) Give me an over under on games played for Alfonso Soriano. And are you taking the over or under?
In the regular season, 140.5, and I’ll take the over. In the postseason, 3.5, and I’ll take the under.
Carlos Marmol. The Cubs only got Kevin Gregg so Sean Marshall wouldn’t be the ugliest pitcher on the staff any more. This is, of course, assuming that Michael Wuertz is in AAA this year.
3) George Steinbrenner once called Dave Winfield, “Mr. May.” Is it fair to call Derrek Lee, “Mr. April?” Where has his power gone?
“Mr. April” is unfair, but “Mr. June” is accurate. I’m going to go ahead and continue blaming Jim Hendry for Lee’s loss of power. If Hendry had pulled the trigger and signed Rafael Furcal prior to the 2006 season, Furcal would have never drunkenly staggered into Lee’s wrist, breaking it and sapping Lee of all his power. Plus, the Sports Corner would have never gone out of business if Furcal lived in Chicago. If the collision with Furcal isn’t the sole cause of the drop in power, I expect the phantom slap fight Lee had with Chris Young finished the job of neutering Lee. It’s not easy to put much of a charge into a ball when you’re hoping one of your teammates will get between it and you before you swing.
4) Geovany Soto’s projections from Bill James 71/23/89/.293 from CHONE 56/17/73/.279. Which do you think is more accurate?
Who the hell does Chone Figgins think he is? A mathematician? My KERMIT projections are more accurate than both. I assume those numbers are Runs/Home Runs/RBIs/BAC after the Cubs win the World Series, so I’ll go with 100/30/105/.342 Those numbers assume that the Cubs sign Paul Bako, forcing Lou Piniella to play Soto in 160 games.
5) The guy from Saw becomes a baseball fan and makes you choose between a brain operation that makes you no longer enjoy the Cubs and sausage sanwiches or he’ll remove a testicle and the Cubs win the World Series. Which operation do you choose?
Trick question. The guy from Saw is dead. OR IS HE? Those movies suck. A brain operation that takes away the number one source of stress in my life and lowers my cholesterol sounds good, but brain surgery is a lot more dangerous than testicle surgery. Plus, as Felix Pie knows, sometimes the guys are way more trouble than they’re worth. Take the ball from me, just like Lou should have done to Ryan Dempster after the fourth inning of Game One.