“I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I’m all out of bubble gum” – Roddy Piper They Live 1988

Yesterday I was going along my normal Friday routine, flexing my muscles, examining my abdominal muscles in the bathroom mirror between spurts of actual work. Then as I returned home I was met with the worst news I had received since Robert Goddell handed down an absurd decision over an overblown equipment violation which was the worst news I had received since my Aunt Angie was stricken with blindness after a failed attempt to scale the English channel in a paddle-boat. What is this news pray-tell why it’s the sudden death of all-time wrestling heel Rowdy Roddy Piper. Mr. Piper was a king of the good old days of wrestling and took on that brutal racist Hulk Hogan. Just watch this clip and tell me that Roddy wasn’t a beacon of hope and a voice for equality in a wilderness of prejudice and discrimination. In an era when wrestling was wrestling and Saturday mornings were dedicated to you watching it. Roddy was the heel’s heel. Well in the tradition of honoring awesome shizz from my 80’s – early 90’s childhood I dedicate this week’s theme to 80 wrestlers!! Oh crap I did that a few weeks ago…..Ahhhh…Well this is awkward….. Well then how about Scottish Stuff? Works right….. I’m writing this from the past so if the new Dr. Dre album did actually drop today, then let’s celebrate in the comments….. Two Start Pitchers, Week 18.

 

Piper

 

Scottish Rage (Aces) – Ever wonder why you never fight a Scotsman? Ummmmm Scottish rage obviously, there’s a reason Roddy was so Rowdy and it was the rage gentleman and four ladies. These are the major dudes you start these guys.

Player Opponents Opp 1 wOBA vs Handedness Opp 2 wOBA vs Handedness Home/Road xFIP/FIP/ERA Opp 1 K%vs LH/RH Opp 2 K% vs LH/RH
Max Scherzer vs. ARI, vs. COL .316 (11th) .345 (1st) H – 3.40/2.31/2.70 21% (T-7th) 19.5% (T-16th)
Jake Arrieta @PIT, vs. SF .308 (T-18th) .326 (6th) H – 3.05/3.10/3.07 A- 2.43/2.17/2.21 20.5% (9th) 17.9% (26th)
Felix Hernandez @COL, vs. TEX .345 (1st) .323 (7th) H – 3.13/3.46/3.04 A – 3.02/3.23/3.00 19.5% (T-16th) 19.5% (T-16th)
Corey Kluber @LAA, vs. MIN .312 (16th) .305 (21st) H – 3.10/2.74/2.99 A- 2.53/2.32/3.89 19.5% (T-16th) 20.4% (T-10th)
Jon Lester @PIT, vs. SF .303 (18th) .307 (15th) H – 2.86/2.71/3.27 A – 3.17/3.28/3.24 23.5% (T-4th) 19.7% (21st)

 

Scotch (Good Starts) – If I could sit and drink Johnny Walker Blue Label all day, or any other high end scotch for that matter, I would be constantly drunk and probably dead by 40. It would be fun though. Couple of quick points I really like Tyson Ross this week, two good matchups and he’s out pitched his peripherals all season…. Bartolo Colon and Tom Koehler are both solid starts this week due to cushy opposition. Funny because Colon and Koehler fit together like hand and glove. You know what I mean? That’s a poop joke….. Jesse Chavez gets tough matchups nut his home numbers are stellar, so I say roll the dice on ’em.

Player Opponents Opp 1 wOBA vs Handedness Opp 2 wOBA vs Handedness Home/Road xFIP/FIP/ERA Opp 1 K%vs LH/RH Opp 2 K% vs LH/RH
Shelby Miller vs. SF, vs. CHC .308 (T-18th) .298 (25th) H – 3.23/2.98/1.89 20.5% (9th) 24.3% (2nd)
Tyson Ross @MIL, vs. PHI .308 (T-18th) .289 (29th) H – 3.02/2.70/4.47 A – 3.19/3.03/2.63 20.4%(T-10th) 19.1% (20th)
Scott Kazmir @TEX, @OAK .299 (T-21st) .299 (T-21st) N/A 23.1% (6th) 16.8% (29th)
Garrett Richards vs. CLE, vs. BAL .309 (17th) .320 (9th) H – 3.84/3.42/2.08 18.5% (24th) 22.5% (3rd)
Francisco Liriano vs. CHC, vs. LAD .312 (T-13th) .326 (5th) H – 2.38/3.16/3.65 23% (T-7th) 20.2% (20th)
Jake Odorizzi @CWS, vs. NYM .303 (23rd) .295(26th) H – 3.34/2.41/1.41 A – 4.17/4.10/3.91 20.4% (T-10th) 20.15 (15th)
Lance McCullers @TEX, @OAK .323 (7th) .308 (18th) A – 3.21/2.56/3.67 19.5% (T-16th) 17.6% (27th)
Bartolo Colon @MIA, @TB .288 (30th) .292 (T-27th) A – 3.49/3.59/5.57 20.2% (T-14th) 22.1% (4th)
Jesse Chavez vs. BAl, vs. HOU .320 (9th) .323 (8th) H – 3.32/2.79/2.33 22.5% (3rd) 24.6% (1st)
Brett Anderson @PHI, @PIT .312 (T-13th) .303 (T-18th) A – 3.38/3.29/3.29 20.6% (18th) 23.5% (T-4th)
Tom Koehler vs. NYM, @ATL .295 (26th) .300 (24th) H – 4.04/3.71/2.32 A – 4.48/4.89/4.31 20.1% (15th) 17.3% (28th)

 

Golf (Why Can’t I Sit You) – I often ask myself why can’t I quit golfing? I hate it. It frustrates me. I’m awful at it. But 5 hours of drinking in nature and driving around in carts on little roads is pretty great. You should know the drill by now, these guys aren’t bad but they should be avoided this week if you have the fortitude.

Player Opponents Opp 1 wOBA vs Handedness Opp 2 wOBA vs Handedness Home/Road xFIP/FIP/ERA Opp 1 K%vs LH/RH Opp 2 K% vs LH/RH
Jose Quintana vs. TB, @KC .323 (6th) .314 (10th) H – 3.68/3.32/3.64 A – 3.21/3.11/3.43 22% (12th) 15% (30th)
Masahiro Tanaka vs. Bos, vs. TOR .315 (13th) .329 (3rd) H – 3.39/4.75/4.20 16.4% (29th) 19% (21st)
John Lackey @CIN, @MIL .314 (T-14th) .308 (18th) A – 4.57/4.54/4.19 18.5% (24th) 20.4% (T-10th)
Phil Hughes @TOR, @CLE .329 (3rd) .309 (17th) A – 3.96/4.48/4.40 19% (21st) 18.5% (24th)
Ervin Santana @TOR, @CLE .329 (3rd) .309 (17th) A – 3.91/2.91/0.76 19% (21st) 18.5% (24th)

 

 

Kilts (One Good Start/ One Bad Start) – On one hand you have to be a badass to pull off a kilt. On the other it’s still a longer male version of a Catholic school girl skirt. Only men with Mason-like calfs can pull off a kilt, otherwise you just look like the boss’ errand boy. Matt Cain should probably be in the good starts but I don’t trust him but wouldn’t avoid him either.

Player Opponents Opp 1 wOBA vs Handedness Opp 2 wOBA vs Handedness Home/Road xFIP/FIP/ERA Opp 1 K%vs LH/RH Opp 2 K% vs LH/RH
Marco Estrada vs. MIN, @NYY .305 (21st) .329 (2nd) H – 4.43/3.68/3.17 A – 4.78/4.15/3.91 20.4% (10th) 18.8% (22nd)
Jimmy Nelson vs. SD, vs. STL .292 (T-27th) .316 (T-11th) H – 3.35/4.33/3.54 21.9% (5th) 18.7% (23rd)
Wily Peralta vs. SD, vs. STL .292 (T-27th) .316 (T-11th) H – 3.62/4.67/3.71 21.9% (5th) 18.7% (23rd)
Matt Cain @ATL, @CHC .300 (24th) .298 (25th) A – 4.42/5.65/5.63 17.3% (28th) 24.3% (2nd)
Chris Tillman @OAK, @LAA .308 (18th) .312 (16th) A – 4.57/4.32/4.38 17.6% (27th) 19.5% (T-16th)
Colby Lewis vs. HOU, @SEA .323 (7th) .304 (22nd) H – 4.39/3.72/4.76 A – 4.29/3.97/4.11 24.6% (1st) 21.7% (6th)

 

Haggis (Avoid These Starts) – You know I actually don’t mind haggis that much but some people hate it. We all know that everything Scottish is awesome so we had to reach to find an avoid.

Player Opponents Opp 1 wOBA vs Handedness Opp 2 wOBA vs Handedness Home/Road xFIP/FIP/ERA Opp 1 K%vs LH/RH Opp 2 K% vs LH/RH
Doug Fister vs. ARI, vs. COL .316 (T-11th) .345 (1st) H – 4.78/3.97/3.80 21% (T-7th) 19.5% (T-16th)
Justin Verlander vs. KC, vs. BOS .319 (10th) .315 (13th) H – 5.71/6.79/8.24 16% (30th) 16.4% (29th)
R.A. Dickey vs.MIN, @NYY .305 (21st) .329 (2nd) H – 4.83/4.81/3.53 A – 4.54/4.56/5.14 20.4% (10th) 18.8% (22nd)
Anthony DeSclafani vs. STL, @ARI .316 (T-11th) .316 (T-11th) H – 4.11/4.47/5.69 A – 4.56/3.60/2.41 18.7% (23rd) 21% (T-7th)
Jake Peavy @ATL, @CHC .300 (24th) .298 (25th) A – 4.99/6.08/5.40 17.3% (28th) 24.3% (2nd)
Zack Godley @WAS, vs. SF .314 (14th) .326 (6th) N/A 21% (7th) 19.9% (26th)
Rick Porcello @NYY, @DET .329 (2nd) .328 (T-4th) A – 4.14/5.66/6.83 18.8% (22nd) 19.5% (16th)
Mike Foltynewicz vs. SF, vs. MIA .308 (T-18th) .298 (25th) H – 4.60/3.85/5.34 17.9% (26th) 20.2% (14th)
Chris Bassitt vs. BAl, vs. HOU .320 (9th) .323 (8th) H – 4.46/3.6/2.63 22.5% (3rd) 24.6% (1st)
Jerome Williams vs. LAD, @SD .328 (T-4th) .292 (T-27th) H – 4.06/5.06/4.50 A – 4.88/6.04/8.02 20.2% (13th) 21.9% (5th)
Eddie Butler vs. SEA, @WAS .304 (22nd) .314 (T-14th) H – 5.11/5.15/5.96 A – 5.01/5.91/4.08 21.7% (6th) 21% (7th)

 

As always these guys could be maimed while playing tether-ball with the big kid on the playground and miss their starts. They might have also drafted Matt Kemp over Dallas Keuchel in a points league and now can’t look at themselves in the mirror. Yes that last one was an inside joke.

 

 
  1. nick the dick says:
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    I peed a little when I read your comment last night about Dre and a new album. Ok, I peed a lot. I’m so excited I can’t eeevn thnk striht er gt wrdz ot moth mnnd raaacn….ahhh! Don’t fuck me again Andre!!

  2. PED Inc. says:
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    I’m still seeing Corbin with two starts?
    Home vs. Cincy
    @ Wash

    Where would he slide into your rankings?
    Thanks a ton for all your work man!

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @PED Inc.: That’s screwy Corbin should be in the Scotch tier below Chavez.

      I forgot to paste him when rearranging. Do like Corbin this week.

      • PED Inc. says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: you’re the best bro, thanks
        Could be a great week for my pitching.
        Corbin vs. Cincy @Wash
        Ross @ Mil vs. Cincy
        McCullers @ Tex @ Oak
        [email protected] Pitt
        Greinke @ Phi
        JoFer @ Atl
        Wacha @ Cincy
        Kzarr @ LA

        Just out of curiosity which five would you roll out?

        • Geoff

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @PED Inc.: No problemo – Kershaw, Greinke, JoFer, Ross, and Corbin.

          Always try and avoid Cincy at home or the Dodgers vs RHP

  3. PED Inc. says:
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    Also do you consider Luis Sevirino a must add in most leagues? Latest reports I’m seeing have him pitching Wed. against the Sox.

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @PED Inc.: That’s a rough start but worth a spec add

  4. Green monstah says:
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    Hey bud!
    Hope you are having a great Saturday !

    In a h2h points league with a weekly roster lock which two start pitcher are you streaming ; Lance McCullers, Brett Anderson, Jesse Chavez or Tom Koehler? Is it close between them?

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Green monstah: I rank ’em above McCullers, Chavez, Anderson, and Koehler

  5. You know nothing, J.T. Snow says:
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    I think Cashner is a two start s well. Away in Milwaukee, Home against the Phils

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @You know nothing, J.T. Snow: Yea looks that way right now. Not bad starts certainly toward the bottom of the good starts.

  6. Scott says:
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    Great movie!

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Scott: Seriously

  7. CoachGonzo says:
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    Stanton for Scherzer trade in a keeper league crazy with an opportunity to win the ship this year?

    • Trogdor says:
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      Santana was annihilated by the Pirates, I wouldn’t start him against the Boo Hays!

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @CoachGonzo: I like that deal. I just traded Stanton for Greinke, Judge, and a 1st rounder in Mike’s Razznasty.

      • CoachGonzo says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: Here is where Im at,,,,your input is appreciated. My stanton for his heaney,buxton, and gregorsen? Thoughts…

        • Geoff

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @CoachGonzo: Hmmmm it’s not awful long term but I thought the goal was to win this year? I’d want more.

  8. Chucky says:
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    Need 2 from the following H2H:
    2 start guys Corbin, Cashner , Godley as well as one start Carasco

    • Chucky says:
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      I may be wrong but……..Cueto and Hamels won’t be nearly as effective in the AL as opposed to the one run at a time NL game. Yes Virginia, there is a difference between the two leagues.

      • Geoff

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Chucky: They’re both very good but you could be right. I like Cueto a tick better now with an excellent defense behind him and a better pitchers park. Hamels stays the same for me.

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Chucky: Corbin and Cashner.

  9. M says:
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    Start Folty for his 2 start week (against sf and mia) or Haren 1 start against pitt?

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @M: Haren, Folty is a puddle

  10. TheMuppetManiac says:
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    Karns pitches twice this week, against the White Sox and Mets. Where do you rank him?

    They Live was an insane movie. The fight between Piper and Keith David is one of the best on screen fights of all-time.

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @TheMuppetManiac: He’s one good start/one bad start I’d avoid the White Sox and roll him against the Mets.

      • Geoff

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: and almost forgot that fight is epic! They Live was a great flick.

        Keith Davis scares me lol

  11. Egon Spengler says:
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    Need to start 2 of the following:

    Corbin (@Was, vs Cin)
    Lackey (@Cin, @Mil)
    Wacha (@Cin)
    Gio (vs Ari)

    Thanks!

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Egon Spengler: Corbin and Lackey

  12. Roll of SAGNOF hear my cry says:
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    I think Alex Wood has two starts next week

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Roll of SAGNOF hear my cry: I like both of Wood’s starts he’s in the good start tier.

      Chris Archer also has two and is in the Ace tier

  13. Todd says:
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    Hey man, with Porcello on the DL & Henry Owens called up will Owens get two starts?

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Todd: Should get two starts, don’t like the Yanks start but I’d let him roll against Detroit.

      Side bet Crispy Young goes yard on Owens.

  14. brober34 says:
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    H2H weekly points league.
    Tired of mediocre 2 start guys killing me, I’ve vowed to stick with Kershaw, deGrom, and Cole every week, and fill in my last 2 slots with my best 2 start options (if applicable). This week, I have Colon, Cashner, and Fister.

    Looks like Colon and Cashner are my best bets. Now I’m debating maybe breaking my rule and playing Fister over Cole (who faces Kershaw). Is that too risky? Fister is not pitching like the guy I thought I was drafting (the version I had last year). I’ll get points for a QS, so Cole could still get me a decent amount of points, as long as he doesn’t pitch like yesterday…

    • Geoff

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @brober34: Do not start Fister. Stick with Cole, Kershaw, Cashner, and Fartolo

      • brober34 says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz:
        thanks. I’ll trust you. I was looking more at Colon, who has a 5.57 ERA on the road (though it looks like his peripherals are much better), with 2 road starts this week. He’s also 0-6 in his last 7 starts. I’m terrified! I’m also in a must win matchup.

        my opponent has Karns, Corbin, and Tanaka with 2 starts, so maybe I’ll be OK.
        thanks

        • Geoff

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @brober34: Yeah I’m not a Colon fan? But those match ups are cushy

          • brober34 says:
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            @Ralph Lifshitz: well, looks like I owe you a big thanks!
            Colon was brilliant, Fister, not so much. so far so good!

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