We realize that not everyone can handle a daily commitment to Razzball. So here’s the condensed brilliance from our site over the past week.

TWIR Notes

Eric Stults – I loved him as Rocky Dennis. Is he some kind of wonderful? Eh.

Curtis Granderson – I’m not the first one to say this — this might not even be the first time I’ve said it, but he’s a really poor base stealer. I watched Izzy, who’s so slow to the plate Leyland went for a cigarette break during the windup, throw an off speed pitch to Jason LaRue and LaRue, who throws like he’s drunk or handicapped, still threw out Granderson at 2nd base.

Cliff Lee – Two words for you old-timers, Atlee Hammaker. In 1983, Atlee had 1.70 ERA going into the All Star game, then he gave up seven runs in 2/3 of an inning, including the first ever grand slam to Freddie Lynn. After the All Star game, he was never the same. Muahahahaha…. (Is it me or did that sound like campfire story from baseball camp?) BTW, Atlee actually wasn’t that bad after the All-Star break. But muahahahaha anyway…

Rick Ankiel – Hit two HRs yesterday. (Am I the only one who wants the Cardinals to go into the 18th inning of a game and bring Ankiel in to pitch?)

Kyle Kendrick – He’s 7-3. Johan Santana called, he wants his win-loss record back. (Here’s my October prediction. The Phils make it to the playoffs and Kyle Kendrick is something like 15-10. Then in the third game of the 1st series, Kendrick is shelled and Joe Morgan says, “Kendrick had a great season, but just didn’t have it today.” Can you hear the vitriol (Word of The Day) in my voice?)

Shawn Chacon – I read the recap of how he attacked Ed Wade, the Astros GM. I also read about their conversation before it all went down. What I didn’t read was what Chacon did immediately after the altercation. Here’s what I think went down post-altercation. Chacon into his cellphone, “Hey, Milton Bradley, it’s Chacon. Did you hear–” “I’m watching Passions.” “The soap opera?” “What do you want, Chacon?” “Well, I just had an altercation and I was looking for some spiritual guidance. It seems–” “Did I mention I was watching Passions?” “Should I let you go?” At that point, Milton Bradley hung up on Shawn Chacon. If anyone knows where Chacon is now, let him know there are people that care about him and to keep hope alive.

Cristian Guzman – The Nats gave him a contract extension. After the announcement, Guzman said this, “Suckas!”

Jonathan Sanchez – Dirty Sanchez doesn’t do him justice. His stuff his so nasty from now on he will be known as Filthy Sanchez.

Eric Byrnes – Prior to the Red Sox game, the Diamondbacks activated Eric Byrnes from the DL. This entailed letting him out of his body splint and dog cone that prevented Byrnes from reinjuring himself. After 30 minutes of stop-and-start sprints and pats on the heads from teammates, he was ready to go.

Emmanuel Burriss – With Omar Vizquel hitting .171, there are reports out of the Bay Area that Burriss might take the starting job. Mr. and Mrs. Poppadopolous are going to be so proud. Burriss is really fast so maybe he could deliver what Eugenio Velez promised this spring. Or not. You make the call!

Comment O’ The Week

From commenter knighttown explaining how he’s managed 0 HRs all year from his catcher spot. Yowzas!

“ -I wasted a second round pick on V-Mart.
-Now he’s taking up a DL spot for me which leaves me with 3 for 2 (Putz just sitting idle)
-Picked up Rod Barajas
-Sobered up and dropped Rod Barajas
-Picked up the “red-hot” Miguel Olivo
-He retired or something and got 10 AB’s in the 2 weeks I had him
-Picked up Jarred Salta-something-or-other
-Started him yesterday, went o-fer.
-Dropped him and picked up Ramon Hernandez…honestly, only because he was mentioned in today’s blog.

YTD summary, ZERO HR’s from catchers this year.”

New Glossary Entries

Click here for the full glossary.

Bernie Lomax – Well-paid dead weight. Often carried by more capable, younger teammates. See Richie Sexson, Andruw Jones, Todd Helton (lately), Barry Zito, etc. (full credit to BSUjam).

Blew Light Special – Waiver/Free Agent option who showed some promise but blew their opportunity. For example, Felix Pie, Bill Hall, any of the schmohawks from the Brave’s closing experiment, etc. (full credit to BSUjam).

Poo Poo Platter – What is served in a deep and/or competitive league when you scour the waiver/FA wire. When torn between Scott Hairston, Rajai Davis, Reggie Abercrombie, and the Artist Formally Known as Luiz Gonzalez for an outfielder, you know that you’ve hit the poo poo platter. (full credit to BSUjam).

Red Light Special – Waiver/Free Agent option that should never have been on clearance but the owner got too impatient. (full credit to BSUjam).

Willy Waiverez – A speedy hitless wonder who wavers from waivers to rosters depending on teams’ desperation for speed. (full credit to PWNightmare).

Extended Riffs

Grey with a sobering look into Josh Hamilton’s latest injury and recent history…

Josh Hamilton left yesterday’s game with a sore knee. Well, you knew the injury was coming at some point. The good news is he didn’t leave immediately so it couldn’t have been too bad, right? Um, yeah, hopefully. The bad news, he’s a recovering drug addict and as we all learned from Dylan McKay’s battle with drugs on 90210, addicts can’t take pain killers. This banged up knee should serve as a reminder to all of Hamilton’s fantasy baseball owners. He’s not only injury-prone, he doesn’t bounce back that quickly. Maybe it was the years of huffing? Maybe he sold his soul for a bag of rocks? Who knows. But at some point you might lose Hamilton to a more serious injury, don’t rely on him for everything.

  1. knighttown says:

    @Rudy G.

    Thanks for the mention. I finally got a homer from whatever latin catcher I have on my team this week. I’ve taken to calling “the catcher”

    Vicrodguel Saltolivandez

    because I’m really having trouble remembering which one I’ve got playing. Shockingly I’ve used 14 latin catchers but have not yet used a Molina.

  2. Grey

    Grey says:

    @knighttown: “Vicrodguel Saltolivandez” — hehe

  3. Zebo says:

    @Grey: who is better to pick up? Billy Butler or Chris Davis?

  4. scott says:

    Check this out….in the past week I’ve outsmarted myself into BENCHING Garza, Parra and now Slowey…all of whom I believe pitched complete game shutouts…un-flippin-believable. Maybe home/road splits aren’t all they’re cracked up to be…..then again, maybe i’m just a chowderhead.

  5. Grey

    Grey says:

    @scott: Sonavabench!

Comments are closed.