The Houston Chronicle – aka Minute Maid Paper – has reported that Miguel Tejada lied about his age.

Not very shocking I know.

But here’s what the Houston Chronicle isn’t telling you. Miguel Tejada isn’t actually Latin. He’s a black guy from the Bay Area who grew up as Michael T. James. He went to the same high school as Jimmy Rollins, albeit a decade earlier.

After high school, he played at a local community college for two years then made a slow 8 year progression through the Mexican League. HIs game finally took off when he started taking Mexican B12 – aka El Bingo. He settled on Miguel Tejada as his Latin alias, took out the cornrows, grew a non-hip moustache, and dialed back the age odometer.

Most people from his high school knew about the ruse but, well, nobody likes a snitch.

In related news….

Albert Pujols’ calendar has 15 months in it. Those extra 3 months are all summer months which allowed him to practice more when growing up.

David Ortiz’s ESPN player card claims he is 32 years old and is 230 lbs. Yeah, when standing with one leg on the scale and ignoring his middle school years. I don’t even believe the claim that his name is pronounced OR-teez. My dinero is on his last name pronounced Or-TEEZ.

Eric Chavez is actually 30. He just has the body of a much older man.

  1. Grey

    Grey says:

    I’d love to see Billy Butler grow a skinny mustache then say he’s only 15.

  2. His Latin alias would be Guillermo del Gardener.

  3. mike says:

    By this rate Tejada will have 55 homers and equal that in age by the end of the season…..whatever i think he can still hit

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