The other day I went over my 2013 ESPN ranklings. There, I was all fire, brimstone and gangsta rap. Saying eff this, and eff that. I was pissed off like I was Tim Dog right after landing at LAX. I was spitting bullets, y’all needed to wear a vest. Now, I’m looking at Yahoo’s 2013 fantasy baseball rankings and Tim Dog didn’t get enough penicillin on wax and now he’s RIP. BTW, If you were a rapper in the 80’s or early 90’s or a professional wrestler, watch over your shoulder, son, the reaper is comin’ for you. “Multivitamins are better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac…” That’s Tone Loc working on a new song. More people use Yahoo than any other fantasy baseball game provider thing-a-ma-boobie, so more schmohawks are reading their rankings than any other rankings, yet I never take their rankings serious. Quick analogy that may or may not make sense: There’s years of looking up to your father, whether you agree all the time or not. Then, one day, he takes a poop on your couch. He should take him to the hospital; he’s in need of some sort of psychology examination. If the tests come back conclusive that he pooped the couch simply out of laziness, then that’s ESPN. Okay, now, Yahoo is your 8-year-old cousin pooping your couch. You’re annoyed, but you’re not sending the kid for psychology examinations. In other words, I always feel like ESPN should know better, but Yahoo, well, they have The Noise ranking Curtis Granderson 14th overall. Even Jose Canseco knows Granderson may have hit 60 homers in 30,000 BC due to a lack of gravity, but he still would need a ton of luck to hit .240. My apologies to Saltines, but Grandy at 14th overall is crackers (even before the injury).

Please, blog, may I have some more?