Greetings, Razzputins, we are going to talk about the injuries that could threaten shortstops in your fantasy baseball draft.

First, we need to talk about Max Scherzer’s Porsche.

What is going on with Max Scherzer’s Porsche?

Max Scherzer, member of the MLBPA Player Representative, hopped into his 2020 Porsche Taycan Turbo S and said “Hey Siri, play ‘More Than A Feeling’ by Boston,” to his Apple iPhone 13 Pro Max while putting on his $500 sunglasses. He chugged 12 ounces of Almas caviar out of a 24 karat solid gold Yeti coffee mug. As he pulled up to another day of CBA negotiations between the MLB and MLBPA, he rolled down his window and yeeted his 24 karat solid gold Yeti coffee mug into the parking lot.

Paparazzi snapped photos as Scherzer pulled in a parking spot and emerged to show his true form: a symbol of decadence and gluttony that is unbecoming of the MLB.