All-Duds… sounds like a candy. But, if we are taking it literally, it would be candy flavored as poop. Or, actually, now that I think of it, it would be flavored as duds. Which might taste like poop, but I’ve tasted neither, so I cannot deny, nor confirm the flavor. So yeah, that’s right, we’re here at the All-Star break, an event which has actual real-world MLB ramifications, yet is regarded like a Bono press event by fans and players alike. Thanks Bud Selig! What’s the cure in our RCL corner? As I might have alluded to it with my candy-poop, (call me, ladies), I hereby refuse your All-Stars. I don’t want them, I don’t need them, and since I’m already knee-deep in the fantasy football warm-up (clutch link drop right there), I honestly have no idea who the All-Stars are. But this would be true of any season, seeing as how I care as much about the game as I care about my asparagus intake. Which is to say, not at all. So let’s have fun, and make an All-Duds team… a team, dare I say, full of poop…
Note: In a perfect world, I would tally a vote for this, then again, in a perfect world, I would be the one and only ruler of all that I see before me… which, if we’re still being literal, would be my basement. And I may have just stolen a quote from The Lion King. Anyhow, I chose these playerss using the arbitrary criteria of having at least 250 PA’s / 100 IP for SP / 28 IP for RP, and sucking every single orifice around them. Like your mom.
| Pos | National League Starters | American League Starters | Pos | |
| C | Wilin Rosario | – | Tyler Flowers | C |
| 1B | Allen Craig | – | Chris Davis | 1B |
| 2B | Aaron Hill | – | Gordon Beckham | 2B |
| SS | Everth Cabrera | – | Yunel Escobar | SS |
| 3B | Mark Reynolds | – | Mike Moustakas | 3B |
| OF | Nate Schierholtz | – | Jackie Bradley Jr | OF |
| OF | Domonic Brown | – | Carlos Beltran | OF |
| OF | B.J. Upton | – | Alejandro De Aza | OF |
| – | Nick Swisher | DH |
| Pos | National League Pitchers | American League Pitchers | Pos | |
| SP | Shelby Miller | – | Justin Verlander | SP |
| SP | Eric Stults | – | Justin Masterson | SP |
| SP | Roberto Hernandez | – | Ricky Nolasco | SP |
| SP | Marco Estrada | – | Kevin Correia | SP |
| SP | Kyle Kendrick | – | Jake Peavy | SP |
| SP | Edwin Jackson | – | Jeremy Guthrie | SP |
| RP | Brian Wilson | – | Ernesto Frieri | RP |
| RP | J.J. Hoover | – | Jim Johnson | RP |
| RP | Justin Wilson | – | Jerome Williams | RP |
– So, what I’m reading from this is basically– ef all the Chris Davis owners. What was that? I am one of those owners? Ugh…
– There are obviously some names on these teams that really ruined peoples drafts. Wilin Rosario, Allen Craig, Everth Cabrera, Shelby Miller, and of course Justin Verlander. But hey, don’t feel bad. Tehol bought Domonic Brown everywhere. LOL.
– Honestly, where’s Yuniesky Betancourt when you need him?
The RCL Top 10
Why the top-10? Because they’re the top-10 teams out of 1,000+? And that’s pretty amazing? I’m Ron Burgundy? Simply put, they’re the best of the best of the best, and I think they deserve a little bit recognition. BUT NOT TOO MUCH. Just a taste.
| 1 | The Dynasty | Flatpoint High | 109.0 |
| 2 | Big League Wood | Smokey’s Humidor | 108.5 |
| 3 | Goose Snausage | Razzball 2014 | 108.3 |
| 4 | Kelly’s Heroes | Bad News Bears | 104.4 |
| 5 | Barroom Heroes | Au Shizz2 | 104.2 |
| 6 | Big Magoo | RCL Champions League | 103.6 |
| 7 | Militant Vegans | Loogy On Your Windshield | 103.1 |
| 8 | Hannibal Montana | Take On The Jay(Wrong) | 103.0 |
| 9 | Purple Mays Haze | Take On The Jay(Wrong) Cinco! | 102.7 |
| 9 | Don Mattingly’s Sideburns | Cougs R Us | 102.7 |
The 2014 Razzball Commenter League Master Standings (Click on it. Seriously. Do it.)
– I asked, and you listened. And while it took you guys 7,000,564,489,469,460,48,740,461 years to do something about, Big League Wood has finally been regulated to second place. I guess his wood went soft? Anybody? Anybody? Where did everyone go?
The RCL #1
The RCL #1, which sounds like a RCL made for 2001: Space Odyssey (Grey notified me that RCL #1 isn’t related to a space shuttle, but is meant to be said like The Iron Sheik. RCL #1! RCL #1! RCL #1!), is the Friends & Family league that Grey created so we could all be his fantasy baseball punching bags. Actually, maybe not so much punching bags as mustache combs. Seems more Grey-ish to me.
Regardless, this league stars myself, Rudy, Tehol the Elder God, Prospector Scott, Paul, the Sing(ing)man, Nick the Podcast Host, and Sky… err, the Blue? We need to find you a better title buddy. But that’s us, that’s the family. Which, I can assure you, I’m already filing paperwork to gain emancipation. The friends are Dalton Del Don from Yahoo, Brad Johnson from FanGraphs, Ryan Carey of Mastersball, and Tim McLeod of RotoRob.
The Standings:
– Grey seems to have built up a pretty good lead going into the second-half. I’m going to mainly blame Tehol and Sky here, but it’s nothing personal. Maybe their teams just have a drowning fetish? Hey, whatever gets you guys off. Just keep it in the pool, know what I’m saying? Good, because I have no clue.
Want more of the Jay? Don’t we all folks? Don’t. We. All. Well, you, in fact, can have more. AMAZING. I know. You can find Jay enjoying his new dig’s running the Football side of Razz.
