Cubs are calling up Pete Crow-Armstrong, who is little known Pixar character from the movie, The Wowzers. It was a blatant ripoff of The Incredibles, where the main character, Pete Crow-Armstrong idolized Jim Thorpe, went to sleep one night and woke being able to “crow hop” a throw to home from the deepest part of the outfield. A critics’ darling that audience reviews on Rotten Tomatoes called, “Pixar continues to make all female characters’ main attribute their giant rear ends.” So, here’s what Itch said previously, “The surprise prize of the Javy Baez trade, Pete Crow-Armstrong features a quick but simple stroke in a 6’0” 184 lb frame. PCA is a double-plus defender who just posted 16 home runs and 32 stolen bases in 101 games across two levels (in 2022) where he was younger than the league average. He chipped in 20 doubles and 10 triples, slashing .312/.376/.520 on the season. The power has been a nice bonus, considering the profile isn’t dependent upon it. Here’s hoping: His power and my fist into Grey’s head.” Oh cmon! PCA’s gone 20/37 across two levels in 107 games this year. He seems to have a little bit of a contact problem (29.7% in Triple-A), but has speed for an inflated BABIP. I have little interest outside of NL-Only leagues, because I think Pete Crow-Armstrong will be in a platoon, but it’s fun to see what he can do in limited time, and this is promising for 2024 fantasy, and him breaking camp next year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Adbert Alzolay – Hit the IL with a forearm strain. Cancel all Adbert and Adalbertos. The name has been cursed. Alzolay sounds like a bubble bath, and he’s gonna have some time to relax. Maybe 12-15 months. This sucks the big ol’ suckhole for him. Hopefully it’s one of those “not so bad” forearm strains that don’t exist. I grabbed Mark Leiter Jr. for saves; it could be Julian Merryweather who closed Sunday’s game, and it might be Michael Fulmer (2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.42), who got last night’s save. It’ll likely be some combo of all three.

Christopher Morel – 1-for-5 and his 22nd homer, 2nd homer in two games, third homer in five games, currently has a series in Coors. Do you pick up what I’m putting down?

Kris Bryant – 1-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. Rockies move from Goodman to “Saying Goodman sarcastically.”

Jeff McNeil – 3-for-4 and his 8th homer. He’s been good for a bit, so don’t take this the wrong way, but he should not be hitting third. Mets should be seeing what they have from Ronny Mauricio, Vientos and Baty. I get it, they’re in the lineup, but hit them higher to get them at-bats. You’re playing for nothing other than getting young guys at-bats. Look at how the Yanks were hitting Dominguez third. Showalter needs to be gone.

Tommy Pham – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 16th homer, as he returned to Queens and did that to his old club. What a smack in the face.

Felix Bautista – Orioles confirmed he has a partially torn UCL, but could return this year. I wanna be hired as a Tommy John consultant by all teams. A player hears they have a torn UCL and I call them to say, “Stop wasting time and have surgery!” That’s my entire job.

Dean Kremer – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.25. During the H2H playoffs? Oh, bubuleh!

Cedric Mullins – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 14th homer. Him getting hot and moving up the lineup would be a welcome addition to my final push for 7th place in the league where I have him.

Gunnar Henderson – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 25th homer. It took Josh Jung missing the final two months, but there just might be a new AL ROY leader.

Yandy Diaz – 4-for-6, 2 runs and his 20th homer. On the Player Rater, he’s a two-week hot streak from a top 30 overall season. My guess is he won’t even be drafted in the top 80 next year. Like the MLM your crazy aunt posts about on Facebook, that’s pure profit!

Max Kepler – 2-for-3 and his 22nd homer. He had done nothing recently, but he’s the type to get smoking hot schmotato very fast.

Royce Lewis – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer. *whispers* Psst, that’s in 50 games.

Sonny Gray – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.96. Only one walk, but lots of deep counts and I’m trying to find reasons not to Hulk Smash my mouse button and drop him. Streamonator says his next start is the White Sox so we hold. Between this and Framber Valdez going at home vs. the A’s and the 18-runs-per-game Astros suddenly forgetting how to hit, I really want to Hulk Smash something.

Mike Yastrzemski – 2-for-3 and his 14th homer, had a 2nd homer five games ago and four hits two games ago and a homer one game ago–Well, you know that.

Alex Cobb – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.62. I have more no decisions than Tommy John and pitchers who need Tommy John combined.

Gavin Stone – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 10.80. Dodgers make every pitcher great, except the one Dodgers pitcher I draft, who was supposed to be their best prospect.

Mookie Betts – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 39th homer. Mookie Best!

Max Muncy – 1-for-5 and his 35th homer. Max is the Munciest!

Manny Machado – 2-for-5,3 RBIs and his 27th and 28th homer. First year that I can remember where every top 20 pick was solid enough. Machado was one of the worst, and why I’m saying “solid enough” and not just solid.

Juan Soto – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 29th homer, hitting .260. You wanna argue with a baseball fan but not one that plays fantasy? Tell them Juan Soto had a disappointing season.

Alek Manoah – Unlikely to pitch again this season. Since being sent down on August 10th, he’s been babysitting Charles Lindbergh’s baby.

Chris Bassitt – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.83. You do everything right, then your pitcher gets a terrible matchup in the H2H playoffs…Ah, fantasy baseball, thank you for the ulcer.

Evan Carter – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer. Carter I: The Cash Money Millionaires.

Jonah Heim – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 16th homer. He’s gonna be a sneaky pick next year if he’s fully healthy, which is unknowable like Dane Cook’s appeal. No relation to Dane Dunning (6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.91), whose appeal I understand.

Mark Canha – 2-for-6, 2 runs and his 10th homer. Was a hot schmotato last week, and it continues.

Brandon Woodruff – 9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.93. Have a pretty solid idea of the ADP for most guys already, but I honestly don’t know where Woodruff is going to go. He was so solid while healthy, but “while healthy” has its own zip code. I guess 70-ish ADP overall and a steal.

Jesus Luzardo – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.82. Is his middle initial H? Because that what I was yelling last night.

Shea Langeliers – 2-for-4 and his 18th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Sia Chandeliers is riding the hot schmotato train again.

Brent Rooker – 1-for-2 and a slam (24) and legs (3), hitting .241. Mr. April and September, Brent Rooker.

Cal Raleigh – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer. His front porch swing is almost as beautiful as his back swing.

Jarred Kelenic – 1-for-5 as he was activated from the IL. Could be a sarcastic bastard and just say something like, “Kelenic was good for two random weeks in April and that’s about it,” and the Sarcastic Bastard isn’t that far off in what he’s saying, but, if he could get hot for two weeks here in September, Kelenic could be a difference maker.

Julio Rodriguez – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer, as he becomes a 30/30 man. If you traded for JRod on May 1st, congrats on your fantasy league win! If you traded away JRod on May 1st, you’ve learned that you have healthy tear ducts. That’s priceless.

Reid Detmers – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.77. Saw he gave up three runs in the 1st inning, threw my computer through the window and now I’m at Staples at a work station. Hunh, turned out it wasn’t such a bad night for Detmers. Whew, makes me feel good–Could you shut up over there photocopying your butt?

Logan O’Hoppe – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 9th and 10th homer. More like O’Pop! Bam! Hashtag nailed it!

CJ Abrams – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homer. As good as my Justin Steele sleeper was, the CJ Abrams sleeper was, like the quarter Jewish ancestry of Harrison Ford, not too shabby.

Dominic Smith – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer. Uh, yeah, cool, bee tee dubs, Jared Young keeps stealing bags, if you need that.

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 2-for-9, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (36) and legs (65). Tildaddy says he can take you for your driver’s test!

Michael Harris II – 4-for-8, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and his 15th and 16th homer. Megahertz providing electricity from the nine hole in the first game of the doubleheader, then moved to the two hole (what II stands for). Pretty sure me in the Braves’ lineup would be a top 100 hitter.

Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.42. I roster Morton in a few leagues, and I have to say he doesn’t feel like a sub-3.50 ERA guy.

Matt Olson – 3-for-7, 6 RBIs and his 49th and 50th homer. hitting .279. Let’s go for 60!

Trea Turner – 4-for-9, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer, four homers in the previous six games. Treat Urner, you have re-Urned your nickname! Congrats!

Taijuan Walker – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.30. Streamed Walker yesterday. Not because the Streamonator, where it was negative twenty-four, but because I have actual marbles in my head.

Bryce Harper – 2-for-6, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .294. Braves vs. Phils playoff series is going to best to 7. Not the best out of seven. No, because each team’s pitching staff, each game is going to require at least seven runs to win.