Razzball Nation!  Why don’t you have a seat?

Do you know why I’m here?  It’s because I’m about to recommend a Minor as your starting pitcher tonight for DraftKings.

JB, are you screen name MinorOwnsTheMarlins?  You typed “I see Giancarlo Stanton waving his wood all night at Minor offerings” did you not?  That’s taken out of context!!!

Our friends at DraftKings are back with another RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE CONTEST where another lucky Razzballer will get a ticket into their huge $150K Walk-Off, where the top winner gets $50K.  Spots 2-30 win $5.00 so it’s like spending nothing!  The contest is limited to only 50 entrants so that’s a 60% chance of winning.  10 players have already signed up, so you gotta move fast!

Let’s take a look at last week’s picks:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Tue 8/5
ARI | ATH | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CHW | CIN | CLE | COL | DET | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SEA | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | WSH | MIA | OAK

Jered Weaver owners just found another reason to get down on one knee (although shelling out for a ring causes a similar sensation). Weaver will be going to renowned SoCal ‘Doctor of the Skateboarders’ Ollie Ramp. “I usually see these occur when some knucklehead tries to ride a railing and takes a header…or I guess an elbower.” Well, thank God for my Jered Weaver overrated post that helped all of you avoid Weaver in the preseason. Right? *crickets, birds chirping, a little fat kid running through a sprinkler* So, some of you drafted him anyway? Show yourselves for the world to see. You will not be mocked. You will be pointed at derisively. Okay, that’s mocked. The Weaver Drafter, “Everyone was down on Weaver, in the non-sexual way, so he came at such a discount… Besides, you were worried about his decreased velocity, falling K-rate, lucky ERA… You never said anything about him breaking his non-throwing elbow.” Hopefully, kind sir, they have an Excuses For Drafting Weaver category in your league. He’ll be back in 6 weeks. I look forward to others putting him on their DL until then. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Momma Albright was visiting so I wasn’t able to get on the fantasy baseball podcast this week. Momma said to me (like she just got off the boat from Italy in 1930), “Grey, you do the podcast, I’ll make-a-you gravy.” I said, “No, momma, it is okay, I’ll spend time with you, and burn the bunions off your feet while Nick and Rudy podcast.” “My bunions do bother me — ah, my boy! For your love, I will leave with you one of my bingo hummels.” I did get to listen to the podcast afterwards and let me be the first to say… *kissing my fingertips, making muah sound* On today’s podcast, new Razzball writer and 1990’s deejay, aka the “Guru,” takes us thru some 90’s music flashbacks (Milli Vanilli, ‘N Sync, NKOTB and more!) and we “Jam It or Cram It” on where to hold or not hold certain players (Jackie Bradley Jr., Parra, Cowgill, Just Peachy Arencibia, Flowers). (By the by, I think the Guru was a real radio deejay, not one of those deejays you hired for your bar mitzvah and they asked you if you wanted them to bring hula hoops for an extra $50.) Also, on today’s podcast JayWrong and Nick discuss his bold predictions. ‘Wrong is officially the first fantasy baseball prognosticator to have more than one bold prediction regarding the Padres. The Padres themselves don’t even have such high hopes. Finally, Rudy and Nick discuss how Rudy was up until 3am trying to get the Stream-o-Nator working, but it seems the Astros are so bad they’re mucking up the system. Don’t cry for Rudy, it wasn’t 3 AM EST. Central Time Zone — pfft! BTW, the Draft Kings thing is going off in two days, so if you wanna do that there ya go. Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast (without yours truly):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The first week of the season brought more closer questions and injury woes. Carlos Marmol is now owned in just 28 leagues, while Shawn Camp was being speculated on in 11 leagues yesterday, but that has already dropped to 7 today after a 2-run outing. The biggest add was definitely Miami starter Jose Fernandez, who […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As Sam Cooke said when looking at John Axford on my fantasy teams, “Change is gonna come.” Thanks, Sam. Sam also said the same thing after I gave a waiter twenty dollars on a $12 bill. Speaking of paper money, is it me or do people pull out a five dollar bill and also wonder to themselves, “Hey, when did they put Daniel Day Lewis on money?” The Brewers said we need to look at the closing situation with Axford. HAHAHAHAHA *breathe, Grey, breathe* HAHAHAHAHA *inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale* Oh, man, that it is rich. They need to look at it?! Really?! That’s like saying there’s a goiter the size of a cantaloupe growing out of your head and you might want to get it checked out. Hey, you got a goiter growing out of your bullpen, Brewers! Check on it! Obviously, you need to grab The Muppeteer, Jim Henderson. I’d hold Axford for now (on my bench), but he could be out of the mix for saves for a while if he can’t his shizz together when he enters games in the 7th and 8th inning. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball Nation!

The pitcher profiles are back for 2013.  Every Monday I will be breaking down a starting pitcher’s performance pitch-by-pitch so you can see an in-depth review of their velocity and how much luck factored into their numbers.

Jose Fernandez, the Miami Marlins 1st-round pick in 2011, had an unreal ascent through the Minors up until Spring Training a few months back, and in a surprise move a few days before Opening Day, decided to put the big righty in the rotation to start the season.  Similar comparison could be made to Michael Pineda when he came up with the Mariners in 2011.  A big, hard-thrower beginning in the Majors in the Opening Day rotation perhaps too early in their careers.  Just look at what happened to Pineda’s shoulder.  Hopefully Fernandez can avoid similar fate.

Listen, I know these can sometimes be a little drier than Grey’s mustache on a Caribbean beach.  But they offer a different perspective on a pitcher’s outing other than looking at only stats.  I will tend to pick young pitchers or fringe-owned starters, but if you have any suggestions of a pitcher you’d like broken down, pick a guy starting over next weekend and shoot that comment below.

Here’s how Fernandez looked:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kids these days, you all have it so good. All your video games have the most primo controllers. I went and googled Joystick just to find out how much these things have changed over time and what I saw shocked me. Well, that was partially my fault seeing as I went to google images and had the filter off. Note to self: never look up ‘grab my joystick’ ever again. But I digress, the controllers for these new systems are amazing. The Wii-mote? The coolest. The Playstation one? Stellar. When I had video games at your age – and yes I’m going to pretend you’re all way younger than me and spoiled so just play along – all I got was two buttons, Rob The Robot and a power glove. A FREAKIN POWER GLOVE, PEOPLE. But of course, you just got what the industry calls filler cuz that’s what this industry is full of. There’s no way I can write 500 plus words about Matt Joyce unless I started talking about his family heritage or his love for deep sea fishing. Did you really wanna hear about that? Didn’t think so. Of course, you didn’t wanna hear about joy sticks either but this Joyce stick should probably be in your lineup for week two of 2013 fantasy baseball. Don’t believe me? Well then read on!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This morning’s rant is for all the owners who took it up the ace on Sunday. It’s one thing when your ace is pitching @TEX or @COL but home against Cleveland where David Price gave up 8 ER and 13 baserunners in 5 IP? Ouch. Home against an Ortiz-less Boston offense (RA Dickey – 4.2 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners – the first 5 runs coming before an out was recorded)? Damn. Home against the Kansas City Royals (Cole Hamels – 5.2 IP, 8 ER 13 baserunners)? Oof! Home against a Holliday-less Cardinal team at one of the pitching-friendliest parks in baseball (Matt Cain – 3.2IP, 9 ER, 9 baserunners)? C’mon, that’s just cruel! For those of you in H2H leagues, consider yourselves lucky. At least these starts are expunged from the record. As for Roto players who own these guys, not much you could do now except turn down the perfunctory ‘buy low’ trade offers. Price, Hamels and Cain all have great track records so you have to assume these games were anomalies. Dickey….who the hell knows? Knuckleballs are like snowflakes – I don’t really understand either of them. Why wouldn’t snow fall in balls or, at the very least, in a uniform shape? (Rhetorical – please don’t explain this phenomenon). On to the other events of the weekend….

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Each week I’ll be looking at some favorable match-ups to help you grab a few extra steals for your fantasy team. Whether you are in a weekly or daily league, looking at weak defensive catchers and strong/aggressive base running teams may help you make decisions as to which players you should start or sit in your hunt for an edge in the stolen base category. Since the 2013 season is only a week old, I’ll use some data from 2012 to get started and give you an idea of what we will be looking for. Just realize that these are only two dimensions that can affect stolen base totals.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A year ago, Nolan Arenado was entering the 2012 season with loads of hype. Minor League production expectations were enormous, and most folks around baseball were already penciling the young 3B into the Rockies’ mid-season lineup. But a slow start at Double-A and a concerning lack of over-the-wall power quickly put an end to those 2012 Arenado arrival fantasies. The 21-year-old watched his prospect stock slip this off-season, dropping out of the top 50 on prospect lists from almost every publication. Fast forward to 2013: Arenado put together a terrific spring in big league camp, blasting four homers and posting a .852 OPS in 52 PA. And after reassignment to Triple-A Colorado Springs, he hasn’t slowed down whatsoever, going 7/14 through his first two games, including two long balls. Chris Nelson is not a long-term option for the Rockies at third, and Arenado finally appears to be ready to step into Coors field and entrench himself at the hot corner. He’ll be fantasy-relevant once he’s up, and I imagine that’ll be no later than mid-June.

Please, blog, may I have some more?