In the words of one Champ Kind, “That’s a whaaammy!” Hanley Ramirez left the game last night with a hamstring injury in just his fourth game back from the DL with a torn ligament in his thumb. HanRam will have tests done this weekend but early signs are not good. He did that “Oww! PAIN!”-grab-the-back-of-the-leg move that Giancarlo Stanton owners are no doubt familiar with, and he needed the help of two trainers to get off the field. Manager Don Mattingly said it looked like he’ll miss “…a good amount of time,” and wouldn’t expect him back anytime soon. Don also added, “Hot damn-ley! This screws up all my plan-leys!” That makes two of us, Donny. Ramirez’s rehab for his thumb went so smoothly we should have known some doom and gloom was on the way. In addition to returning ahead of schedule and bursting with confidence (I don’t think I ever heard HanRam speaking so enthusiastically about playing, I guess leaving the Marlins can do wondrous things for morale), Hanley started out mashing right out of the gate, batting .455 with a homer and stolen base. It was too good to be true. Sure, no one thought he was Ironman-ley (III: Gandhi’s Revenge!), but this is tough luck for anyone. Hopefully owners haven’t dropped their Josh Donaldsons, Brandon Crawfords or various other replacements just yet because they could likely be without HanRam for the next 3-5 weeks, if not more.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Tue 8/12
ARI | ATH | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CHW | CIN | CLE | COL | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | PHI | PIT | SD | SEA | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | WSH | DET | NYY | OAK

Senior year of high school, I cheated on my final exam in religion class. Never got caught. Three others involved in the cheating scandal were each brought to justice — they failed the test, failed the class, and had to retake the course the following semester. Did I feel guilty about my actions? F*#k no I didn’t. I aced the test, and got a B+ in the class. It was the best grade I ever earned in religion. My parents were thrilled! Ever since then I’ve held a sort of admiration for those who cheat and get away with it, and even for some who didn’t get away with it. I respect he who is ballsy enough to cruise down life’s low road, while the rest of the chumps fight traffic on the high road. I’m halfway kidding, of course, but there are moments when the opportunity to cheat presents itself, and you’d be crazy to pass it up. Take, for instance, just a couple weeks ago, when Jeff Samardzija didn’t immediately cease pitching while his throwing hand bled onto the baseball, perhaps doctoring the ball. Well done, Jeff. And as for this Clay Buchholz situation, the evidence against him isn’t quite definitive, and it seems extremely doubtful that any real fallout is to come. More power to the guy if he was indeed doctoring the ball — the umps didn’t notice, and neither did the Blue Jays. He goes twice next week, by the way.

As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greeting all! Tis I again, Tehol Beddict, your loyal and humble servant, here to help you out with all of life’s problems, and big problem many of you have right now is owning my boy Ham-bone AKA Josh Hamilton. The travesty that is the Angels 2013 season continues to baffle even baseball’s greatest minds. “Did it baffle Tehol Beddict the Great?” you might ask your friends and family, and the answer would be no. It’s well know that I hold the powers of Extrasensory perception (ESP to the laypersons), and one night while smoking mass quantities of peyote laced with the purest Colombian powders on God’s beautiful earth, I had a vision. A vision of the Angels having an impotently insignificant season a la Jonathan Taylor Thomas post Home Improvement. My visions have become a reality and am I the only one with a wood from that J.T.T. vid? It’s hard to envision the continuation of this disgraceful ball playing from Hamilton for much longer, as he should eventually turn it around. Or he could get hurt and along with Pujols, become shells of their former selves. Personally, I would never give up on Hamilton as he is one of my favorite players of all time, but I’ll let you make that decision for yourselves (or ask me in the comment section). Others are probably trying to low ball you for “Ham-borgini” as we speak. Don’t bite just quite yet, or you could end up coming up shorter than a midget on his or her knees. Here’s what else I saw this week thus far.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Geez, Roy Oswalt has sure come a far way since the whole “I will only sign with one or two teams” stance as he signed with the Rockies. They’re not necessarily a bad team, but what pitcher wants to come out of semi-retirement to pitch in Colorado? It’s like Smokey the Bear coming out of semi-retirement to work at a cigar shop. “Smokey, we really appreciate the job you’re doing, but could you stop throwing buckets of water on our customers?” That’s Smokey’s boss at the cigar shop. Better yet, a pitcher coming out of semi-retirement to pitch for the Rockies is like I.M. Pei coming out of retirement to work at Home Depot. Roy Rockie Oswalt must’ve really got sick of driving his kids to school and needed something to do. Oswalt is going to assassinate his career ERA. Maybe Oswalt plans to drive his tractor to Colorado and haul dirt until Coors is at sea level. When your third best starter is a toss-up between Tyler Chatwood and Jeff Francis, you’re pretty much guaranteed a starting job, so Oswalt should be with the major league club shortly, but you shouldn’t care. I liked El Roy with the Astros, but it’s all rut-roh in Colorado. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Recently I wrote an article about Minnie Minoso, one of the first players to play in MLB after having played in the Negro Leagues. In honor of Jackie Robinson, and the movie “42”, I will write a number of other pieces about players who starred in the Negro Leagues, never having the opportunity to compete against elite white ballplayers. Without a doubt, the most influential black baseball player of all time who played his entire career in Negro League ball was Buck O’Neil.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The week was going swimmingly, with inflatable swim muscles, I may add, then Kevin Gregg showed up and said “Oh, I thought everyone wore these glasses now.” I don’t trust Kevin for 2 reasons, closers come and closers go (Kyuji is coming back) so add that into your closer entree like a good splash of adobo. The second reason is he has two first names, I’m sorry, it’s a phobia of mine ever since I went to school with a kid named Ferris Ferris. No I didn’t stutter, that’s a true story. Next we move to Boston, where Joe-L is returning from the DL; John Farrell has said what is typical, we will see what happens. My 2 cents is that Bailey keeps it until he falters or Hanrahan whines enough to make a stink. If I could call Joel, this is how the convo would go. Sup Joel. Who is this? Then I would hang up and not answer when he star 69’s me. I do that cause I don’t like people messin’ around on my phone. Lastly this week, I have moved Jim Johnson, minus his cult following, into the top tier. He has shown me enough to warrant a bump up. The games he pitches in are showing the confidence that Buck has in him, like a great illegitimate dad would in his Maury Povich type son. The bump over Papelbon is based purely on stats and accumulation right now, Paps just isn’t seeing the chances that some other closers are seeing and that inevitably hurts my feelings and his stats/value. Enjoy the week as if you were listening to the soundtrack from Rocky 4, what could get better than that.? If you said that talking robot Pauly got, then we are on the same page my friend.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It just so happens that every player that I’ve covered so far, Edwin Encarnacion, RA Dickey, and Josh Hamilton all have nicknames. Well, Robert-Allen Dickey doesn’t, but he has Dickeyface (look at this one too!), which is just as good. But Encarnacion has E5, Hamilton has Hambone, and even I have JW1. Now, the streak has been broken with the Bear/Bull spotlight directed upon Matt Harvey. With the way he’s pitched so far, his nick status needs a change. I’ve heard of several that really don’t do him justice, but should be put out there for community research. There’s Matt ‘Hardcore’ Harvey, which is simple and rolls off the tongue pretty easily. But it also brings up images that can be described with words that end in ‘ingus’ and ‘lation’. Not exactly what you want. Well, *you* might want that, but this is about Matt Harvey. There’s Mattastic, which is just corny. If we are just squishing his name together with other words, why not go with Mattpocolypse or Mattmageddon? Even Matt-howyoulikemenow! has a certain synergy to it. I’ve also seen Heatflame Harv, which just sounds like my dating life… desperate. My choice, I feel, has the upper hand at the moment. Borrowed from the DC Universe, Harvey Two-Face, was recently played by Aaron Eckhart in Nolan’s Prestige, Inception, Batman movies. The association only adds to the flair, and the name has a good ring to it. It’s not like I was going to go with Rocket Racoon, amiright? He’s about as useful as Hawkeye, I mean, at least Black Widow is a good vehicle for bewbs. I mean, seriously… a big green Hulk, an all-powerful mechanized armor suit with gunz flown by a guy with charming sass and sarcasm, the son of Odin, a super soldier, and a dude who shoots arrows… yeah, tell me who doesn’t belong in that sentence. Anyhow, I’m going to go out on a limb and take credit for Harvey’s new nick. So it was said, so it shall be done.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

First off, Rudy is safe. We have him in a padded room with only marshmallows to eat. He’s a bit overcome by the absence of color, but it will be a good distraction while Bryce Harper is touch and go. Before we put Rudy where he wouldn’t hurt himself, Rudy said to me, “If Bryce Harper is hurt, will they cancel the rest of the season?” That’s a frown question, bro. Lie down, Rudy. It’ll be okay. Actually, could you lie down with your head hanging off the couch? You’re gonna leave a Soul Glo stain. I’m sure Rudy isn’t the only one feeling a bit woozy hearing Harper hurt himself last night. The entire eye black industry hangs in the balance. He left yesterday’s game with an apparent injury and that turned into an apparent diagnosis of an apparent bad bruise in his apparent side. Thanks for the apparency. This sounds like a day-to-day thing rather than a 15-day DL thing. So the worst thing that may come of this is for the next few days you won’t get as drunk if you take a tequila shot every time someone on Baseball Tonight mentions Harper. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Remember when I told you about how to tell when streaks aren’t streaks anymore? You don’t? Well, here’s the refresher course. In that piece, you’ll find a nice story about Chris Shelton, a random aside on Mike Trout and, of course, some funky math. Well folks, the time has arrived, and our first major stat threshold has been met. And that threshold is Contact%, and it stabilizes at 100 PA’s. Contact Percentage is pretty much how it sounds. It is the total percentage of contact made when swinging at all pitches. With the majority of starting batters now eclipsing the 100 PA mark, I’ll be taking a look at some movers and shakers in fantasy that have new contact skill-sets, for better or worse.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Michael Wacha | RHP, Cardinals | Born: 7/1/1991

Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time I’ve covered Wacha in the Scouting the Unknown series. I actually wrote a brief report on him a little less than a year ago while highlighting some notable draft prospects. You can read that post here. Now, it may seem like I’m double-dipping, and I suppose, technically, I am. But since last June, there are very few prospects whose stocks have soared quite like Wacha’s has. Suffice to say, there’s plenty of reason to revisit his outlook, applying what we’ve learned over the past year or so in watching the 21-year-old compete at the professional level.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball Nation!

DraftKings is back with another RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE Play with Rudy [and Nick] contest going on this Friday.  Just like last week, there’s a cap of only 40 entries (2 per person), and with an entry fee of only $5 and a chance to win $20,000 it’s got more fantasy upside than Nick on the North Pole with a compass.  Wait what happens on the North Pole with a compass?  Nick, you live like a mile from there right?

The winner gets entry into DraftKings huge $100,000 MLB Spring Fling were the top winner gets that large chunk of $20 grand cheddar.  You could cover like a million Packers fans’ heads with that.  Spots 2-10 get $5 back so there’s a great shot at winning!  Since this is a RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE contest, it’s not as difficult to win and you don’t have to hit on every guy (unlike Tehol at a Wednesday photo shoot).  Last week’s winning team rolled with big plays like Peavy, Cashner, and Rizzo (who put up a 40 burger), but got a goose egg from Brandon Laird (coulda probably afforded Betancourt!) and disappointing games from Josh Hamilton and Carlos Gonzalez.  Rudy finished 6th, so he’s still beating most of you guys, bring him down!

Please, blog, may I have some more?