Mookie Betts, 2026 Fantasy Schmohawk

Alas, we’re taking the ol’ metaphorical SlapChopper to Mookie Betts. One of the more predictable overrated posts of the last decade. If I wrote a Cal Raleigh overrated post this year, it would be more predictable, but my thoughts on drafting any catcher early is, “Why tho?” Be thankful, you didn’t want to read 700 words alluding to Cal Raleigh’s butt. Or, I guess, maybe you did. Here’s a sad emoji that has eyes for big butts that is meant for just you. Oh well, instead of butts, you get Betts. Alliteration in lieu of wit! In the Dodgers’ lineup, Mookie Betts is sitting between Shohei Ohtani and Kyle Tucker. He just has to show up to the park for 150 games and how can he not be valuable? (By the way, Strunk & White’s 101 writing for dummies says you should make everything positive. So, instead of writing, “Why can’t I sit?” You should write, “Why do I have to stand?” So, rather than writing “How can he not be valuable?” for Betts, I nearly wrote, “He has to be invaluable,” but English is such a stupid language. This was a side note that was less revelatory than most.) For those saying Betts can’t bust in that lineup spot, guess what? I’ll give you one guess, because this one’s super easy. You got it! It’s because he just played in 150 games and had a line of 95/20/82/.258/8 in 589 ABs. Granted, Tucker wasn’t there yet. Yeah, poor Betts had to hit between Ohtani and Freeman. That Dodgers’ lineup last year was a real [holds nose]. No, it wasn’t! The only stinker was Betts! Bam! Got him! So, what can we expect from Mookie Betts for 2026 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

Okay, hate to do it to you, but for someone who is getting by on good vibes and bad farts like Mookie Betts, someone who is almost entirely boosted by name value, then they have to get the ol’ Player A or Player B pick-a-whosies:

Player A: 70/20/80/.257/5 in 563 PAs
Player B: 95/20/82/.258/8 in 663 PAs

Okay, clearly Betts is Player B, I just told you his line from last year. Player A is gonna hurt your sense and sensibilities, Jane Austen. Mookie Betts is going around 50 overall in drafts. Player A is going around 175. Any guesses? C’mon, for the price of 25 runs and a 125 spots in draft capital, gotta be someone who is injured or something, right? Well, different positions, but it’s Willson Contreras. Ha, that’s ridiculous. Willson Contreras and Mookie Betts are the same player. Oh, and Willson Contreras actually went to a better lineup and park this offseason, so there’s reason for optimism with him, unlike Betts. I’ll do another one:

Player A: 66/15/77/.246/15 in 594 PAs
Player B: 95/20/82/.258/8 in 663 PAs

Stop guessing at Player B! Player B is still Betts! Any guess for Player A? This time it’s the same position. There is a difference between the statlines. Player A has 30 less runs and five fewer homers. He does have seven more steals. If Betts is top 50 overall in drafts, this guy has to be what? Around pick 100? Yeah, that’s not the case. It’s Otto Lopez who is being drafted 170 picks after Betts. Okay, one more:

Player A: 98/20/100/.290/27 in 720 PAs
Player B: 95/20/82/.258/8 in 663 PAs

Player B is Betts! Stop guessing that one! Okay, Player A is clearly better. He better, he better, he not Betts. So, why is Geraldo Perdomo going 30 picks after Betts? No one knows. I hate to do it to Mookie Betts, but it gets worse:

I could write out each of those numbers and spell them out, but here’s what that tells me. His bat speed is a liability and he can’t hit the ball hard anymore. That’s the profile of the aging hitter that scares me the most. A guy who’s still got his plate discipline, but when he hits the ball, it goes nowhere. His ExitVelo went from 92.4 MPH in 2023 to 89.1 MPH. This coincided with his position switch, so maybe it’s taking more out of him to play infield every day. Mine’s ain’t to reason why, but to do or die, and I’ll be damned if I’m drafting Mookie Betts. Stamp him schmohawk and avoid!