I’m going to cackle very shortly. It’s going to be a full-throated cackle. The cackle to end all cackles. The cackle that has you turning around in your seat at the movie theater to look at me. Okay, here it comes. Jesse Winker hit three homers last year in 448 Triple-A plate appearances. THREE?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN’T FEEL MY FACE! OH MY GOD, MY HEART!!! “Here lies a man who loved baseball as much as his much older woman and he was totally healthy until he saw how many homers Winker hit in a full season of at-bats. I, the tombstone, would tell you how many homers it was that Winker hit but I’m afraid you might die too. You’re welcome.” Damn, my tombstone is considerate! Three homers in 448 PAs? How is that even possible? Sorry, some of you might need a primer. Three homers from a 65-steal type makes sense. Winker had zero steals last year. Again, some of you might need more info. Winker is considered a top prospect. Or was, I guess. The one positive, and it is big, he has insane plate discipline. He had a .397 OBP and hit .303 in Triple-A last year while walking and striking out exactly at 13.2% of the time. Terrific for both. Plus, that’s some crazy OCD to walk and strike out 59 times for both. That’s As Good As It Gets, now put your neighbor’s dog down the garbage chute! Anyway, what can we expect from Jesse Winker for 2017 fantasy baseball?
Can Winker hit for a .300 average (as is his norm) and hit for power or will he lose average to hit for power? “That’s a question that has yet to be answered,” said Triple-A manager Delino DeShields. So, that’s why DeShields sucked so bad this past year! He had too much on his plate! Lose the managerial job, man! Deshields went on to say, “I don’t know how far out of that comfort zone we can push (Winker) before he changes his swing and changes what he does effectively. With a lot of young guys, it normally comes a little later. And I’m truly sorry about not making good on Grey’s sleeper posts from last year.” Apology NOT accepted, DeShields! So, Jesse Winker will either start to hit for power or be traded to the A’s? Yeah, pretty much. Right now, he looks to me to be the second coming of Yonder Alonso. I will call him Sonder Alonso. Sonder means the profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, has a life as complex as one’s own, which they are constantly living despite one’s personal lack of awareness of it. This is a very depressing feeling and to think Yonder Alonso has a doppelganger is also very depressing. This is the feel good post of the year! The one big thing Winker has going for him besides average, I can’t imagine why the Reds wouldn’t give him a solid chance this year to be their right fielder. For 2017, I’ll put my Jesse Winker projections at 44/7/49/.284/1 in 372 ABs.
