If you’re a fantasy baseball fanatic in a keeper league, it’s a given that you always need to be looking ahead. So, with that in mind, I present to you Razzballians the top-6 keepers for 2033…
1. Jasper McGowan, 6, Pretzel Palace. (3B)
Though his Tee-ball stats are underwhelming (.785 batting average) McGowan has been unlucky with his BABIP. He’s also seen his slugging percentage increase nearly forty points since he switched to the top bunk bed with his brother, Clarence.
2. Henson Pomerantz, 3, Matty’s Liquor Mart. (OF)
Despite not being able to count to five, Pomerantz is already a five-tool player. He’s a speed demon who has demonstrated he can wreak havoc on the base paths – even with a full diaper.
3. Bobo Martinez, 9, Amazon Drones. (DH, RP)
The elder statesmen of the prospects, Martinez still has plenty of upside. Since being the breakout star of the 2011 Little Little League, he’s choked up on the bat another inch — which has cut his K’s by .006%. Although he played in a hitter’s park, the other players on his team also played in a hitter’s park and they weren’t as good as Bobo.
4. Le7nard Fife$, 6, Sam’s Check Cashing Emporium. (P)
Le7ny-F$ won’t even reach his tenth birthday for another 47 months, but has already hit 23 mph on the radar gun. And that’s not with a tennis ball, gentlemen! He struck out eleven last year in a Tee-ball game – which seems impossible since there’s not even a pitcher. Yes, he’s that good!
5. Timmy Grobowski, 7, Mulligan’s Hardware. (SS)
Already with the hands of an 8 year-old, Grobowski is a defensive whiz. And also a regular whiz. He has bladder issues. Will inevitably draw comparisons to Moby Alvarez, although “The Grob” has more plate discipline thanks to the small henna tattoo on the inside of his wrist that reads, “A walk is as good as a hit.”
6. Saint West, 16 months, Tidal. (IF, OF, C, P, RP, Friggin’ Everything!)
Once he gets his fiery temper in check and stops charging the mound, West’s pure left-handed stroke should carry him to “super duper stardom, yo! I mean the kid’s already better than Babe Ruth and A-Rod were at his age! Even if he strikes out every at bat, he’s still the greatest hitter of all time! It just means there’s a conspiracy against him, yo!” declared his father.
