When I started thinking about ranks, I of course went to the Player Rater. This time, I didn’t make my editor mad and go to a different site. It’s all Razzball, baby.
This week, I’m going to compare guys in the RazzSlam ADP (which doesn’t include me yet so it’s skewed of course.)
Aside from baseball and basketball, another of my favorite hobbies is embarrassing my teenage kids. It’s not hard, granted. But you have to mind your content. You can’t just yell out the window at them anymore. They’re too jaded. Here’s a few tips that have helped me in this endeavor, and hopefully some fantasy baseball goodies as well.
Using cool new words that they don’t know you know about.
I’ll never forget the time I learned the word “slay” and used it. The face wasn’t being humiliated; it was pure shock. Like standing still, mouth agape wondering if they just heard you. “Pop off queen” gets the same reaction. Just make sure you google the word first or you might actually step in a pot of “I shouldn’t have said that.” Or just watch this:
Let’s check in with our Gen Z #Cubs fan. pic.twitter.com/K06cYXfb3J
— Michael Cerami (@Michael_Cerami) May 23, 2023
For first base, the players were all guys that we’d heard of. It’s a stable position. You didn’t even have to Google these guys that were picked at the top
First round picks were Vlad and Freeman. Freeman is the number one rated. He’s getting almost a third of his value from the runs category, but you’ll take it. He’s still an elite hitter and is returning 7 overall value. Vladito, to put it kindly, is not. 88th overall and only rated as the 8th first base. He’s getting about half the value that Freeman is. His average is fine; it’s the power and R/RBI production. I do suspect that Vlad will balance these numbers out to be more in line with last year’s 88 R and 96 RBI and not be a bust like I”m insinuating. The player rater is a fickle thing.
FWIW: in the Writer’s League, Freeman is owned by KirkseySports, currently in sixth place and Vlad is owned by MarmosDad, who resides in seventh at the time of this writing.
Singing Taylor Swift lyrics incorrectly and asking if the song is famous.
I think this is self-explanatory. I’ve just recently learned a lot of her songs and they’re decent, but teens love that stuff. They don’t, however, appreciate me singing the lyrics incorrectly in public. The incorrect part is crucial. It’s bad enough to be singing these out loud, but messing them up: “She wears short skirts, I wear sneakers, she’s cheer captain and hates all her teachers,” that’s next level.
Matt Olson and Anthony Rizzo occupy this tier.
Matt Olson was the consensus 42 pick in RazzSlam, but is currently returning number 21 overall value. He’s been absolutely elite in R, HR, and RBI, and neutral in batting average. Lesson is, always bump up the value of guys in great lineups.
Olson is owned by your favorite Educator, drafted in the third round and currently residing in third place. Not bad for a rookie.
Anthony “Got that” Rizzo was picked at 127 on average. I called him preseason the 6 or 7 ranked first base. Quite the bold call if I do say so myself. He’s at six in the position ranks, and overall at 41. StatCast doesn’t have any luck based red flags either. Interestingly enough, Rizzo’s walk percentage has dropped and his K has ticked up to 21%, not worrisome but what does that mean? I think Rizzo’s plate approach has been tweaked. He’s attacking more, as his 23 percentile chase rate will attest. I’ve been an observer of Anthony since he was a rookie, and am glad to see him swinging more. Stupid analytics. He won’t hit over .300 this year, but if you drafted him late you got a legitimate top 10 player at this position.
Writer’s League: Yeah, I’m in third. Yeah, I drafted Rizzo. Yeah, I’m holding on to him.
Viral dances, done poorly.
Another fun thing is to do a dance, then mess it up and act like you think you’ve done it correctly. My go to is the Griddy. Is it Gritty? McGriddy? Ohio Griddy? I don’t know, I lost track. The key is of course to do it close enough to the dance that it’s recognizable, but not so well that it’s actually, you know, good. I tried to do this with the Sturdy, but the knees, the knees, the KNEES!
The next players are recognizable as good picks, if executed well and everything goes right, they would get the job done. But they, for reasons, are not.
Oh, Razzballers. You guys and your Vinny Pasquantino love. I told you. I tried to tell you guys. But no, you had to go draft him with the 86th overall pick. I’m not mad, I’m disappointed. He’s currently residing in the 227 spot on the player rater overall, and 17th in the first base ranks. He’s had a little more pop than expected, but provides negative value in R/RBI, and only a mild boost in average. That’s the lineup factor again. Well, that, and drafting assuming your guy is going to meet his upside.
Ah, here we go. He’s owned by MattScar, and he’s in tenth.
Andrew Vaughn is another slacker. 102 draft position, and I was all aboard at that price. However, he’s at 268 for the season! My boldest rank, and he’s letting me down. Literally and figuratively, as he’s on my Writer’s League team. The guy isn’t hitting for average or power. I’m not sure why I even own him except that there’s nobody better to pick up. Sigh. Maybe the fabled White Sox development machine will churn out another superstar here this year.
Okay, I’m done now talking about the busts and stuff. Let’s get to some guys who are doing well.
Loud songs out of the truck.
Old Town Road is the perfect one. Kids loved it when younger, but now it’s old and cringey. That’s what I’ve been told anyway, and my 13 year old won’t enter my vehicle until I play some not-mortifying tunes.
Here are some players that I think will be cringe-worthy picks by the end of the year.
I could talk about Isaac Paredes but you can read a better article that came out Monday Here from Scar and that’ll summarize why he won’t stay 11 at this position any longer. Although with an average pick of 258 you didn’t invest much anyway so you won’t be so sad.
Jose Miranda. Pick 133. In the minors. Just wanted to point that out. One of the bigger busts we’ve seen.
Jake Cronenworth, Josh Bell, Josh Naylor, Spencer Torkelson, Trey Mancini, just don’t admit you ever drafted them.
Matt Mervis is a guy I as a Cub fan have to discuss. They did get rid of Eric Hosmer, so his roster position seems secure. Coming up, prospect nerds questioned his ability against higher velocity pitches, and better pitching in general. This has been the case. I still think he will be fine. Andrew Vaughn is the floor here, eventually.
First base has been fairly stable. Stability is good. It’s even better when you’re in a building or a relationship, but you get my drift. The top 10 has only Yandy Diaz as a huge surprise. The top guys drafted have returned value. There has been no real breakout sans Yandy. Good job, Razzball Drafters.
Now if you had only listened to me about Vinny P and Rizzo and conveniently forgotten my Andrew Vaughn fantasy, we’d be in business.
For your viewing pleasure, go to check out the Razzball Player Rater for yourself. Yahoo leagues, standard, OBP, 16 team, 10 team, it’s all in there. Go next level though and get the advanced tools and get even better!
Second time Taylor Swift has made an appearance on Razzball in last few weeks.
Sorry. It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem. It’s me.
I wrote this while wearing a cardigan.
Haters gonna hate, players gonna play.