So it’s not really the 2nd half mark in the fantasy baseball season, but it’s the All-Star Break so what else are we going to talk about? Hell’s Kitchen? Is it even believable that these people would one day be in charge of a kitchen? There’s Real World castmates who seem like they have their shizz together better than these schmohawks. Clemenza could sous vide food if it meant cooking something in his own sweat. MasterChef, though, that’s brilliant. Okay, as with all of the other 2012 fantasy baseball rankings, take this list with a grain of salt. If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade the outfielder for the 2nd baseman. Also, things change in fantasy baseball. Daily. I could put Ryan Braun number one on the top 100 list for the second half of 2012 and he could get in a fight with his FedEx carrier tomorrow, then he wouldn’t be number one. See how that works. This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued. It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache. This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take the first half and combine it with the 2nd half of their season. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today. So while Jacoby Ellsbury did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because he’s healthy to start the 2nd half. The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; they are their projections for the 2nd half of 2012. Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2012:
1. Ryan Braun – He was my preseason number one and he’s number four on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. His stats, donning nothing but an Affliction t-shirt and Jockey underwear, neg you while stealing your girl right from under your nose. 2012 2nd half projections: 50/16/55/.310/10
2. Andrew McCutchen – And the first big “What the hell is Grey smoking?” already at number two. As just about everyone professedizes (Made Up Word of the Day!) in the preseason, you want a guy that can fill all five categories. Who’s doing that better than The Dread Pirate? Okay, besides Mike Trout. 2012 2nd half projections: 50/12/40/.310/15
3. Josh Hamilton – The negative with Hamilton is obvious: He gets hurt like your Maw-Maw on a bumper car ride. The positive is huge too: He can carry a mixed league team to the title like no one else if he’s grooving. It’s risky to put him this high, but no one is foolproof… I miss you, Giancarlo! 2012 2nd half projections: 40/18/55/.300/5
4. Miguel Cabrera – Would you rather pay five thousand dollars beforehand to have lunch with Swiggy and Prince Fielder or pay the restaurant bill? 2012 2nd half projections: 40/17/55/.315/2
5. Joey Votto – For a while now, I kept thinking Votto would end up number one overall, but unless he hits .360 with 40 homers, he’s never going to do it with only a handful of steals. Whatevs. He’s as steady as he goes, The Raconteurs. 2012 2nd half projections: 50/16/55/.310/4
6. Carlos Gonzalez – Speed + Power + Injury Prone = Rita Rudner. Damn, my math is way off there. Was supposed to equal CarGo. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/14/45/.305/12
7. Jose Bautista – The bottom is gonna drop out at some point and you’re gonna get Adam Dunn, but let’s leave predicting the end with no evidence to the Mayans. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/20/55/.250/3
8. Matt Kemp – He’s due back right after the ASB, and the reports from Alyssa in Los Angeles say that he’s been ready to go for a couple of weeks now. He’s been a stallion shot up with one of those speed injections like in A Fine Mess, a supremely underrated movie, just waiting for the starting gate to fly open. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/16/45/.320/5
9. Adam Jones – If you throw out his 10 homer, 4 steal month in May, then he doesn’t deserve this ranking. If you throw out his 3 homer, 2 steal June, he does. If you throw out his 6 homer, 4 steal April, then you’re left with a great May and a poor June so I’m not sure what that means. Unless his poor June was due to injured wrists. Basically, he’s a riddle wrapped in a conundrum asking “What does it all mean” to an old Asian man on a mountain in Tibet. 2012 2nd half projections: 35/12/45/.280/10
10. Robinson Cano – As is his modus operandi, he started the season cold, but has been hot as dog balls since then. And all of you Googlers of “modus operandi” and “hot as dog balls,” what on earth are you looking for? 2012 2nd half projections: 40/14/50/.310/2
11. Justin Verlander – Far and away the best pitcher and Far and Away was not the best picture. See how that works? Also, I tend to look at pitchers higher up in the midseason rankings because we’re not drafting these guys, we’re simply looking at who are comparable in value. If I were drafting with this list, I still wouldn’t go near Verlander. 2012 2nd half projections: 10-5/2.30/0.98/115
12. Albert Pujols – According to our 20 day Player Rater, Pujols has been a top 20 hitter. From April until about 21 days ago, the only thing coming out of Pujols was crap. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/15/50/.300/5
13. Mike Trout – Not sure any of you are old enough to remember Ryan Braun’s call-up, but if you’re not that means you’re under 7 years old and using this to learn how to read, so, yes, schmohawk and yawnstipating are real words. Now, if you are old enough, you’ll remember that Braun was a once in a lifetime rookie call-up when he gave top ten fantasy value even missing the first month of the season. Trout’s making it twice in a lifetime. 2012 2nd half projections: 50/9/35/.290/17
14. Ian Kinsler – I almost put Kipnis here, but the track record just wasn’t long enough for me. That’s way she said! Huh? 2012 2nd half projections: 50/12/40/.260/12
15. Mark Teixeira – Had a poor 1st half and I actually moved him up in my rankings for the 2nd half. How’s dem apples? Confusing! Remember, PABST: Post-All-Star Break Stats Teixeira. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/17/50/.280/2
16. Hanley Ramirez – Another guy that had a poor 1st half, but that was yesterday’s news, unless you only read the USA Today, then it was Friday’s. 2012 2nd half projections: 45/14/45/.285/14
17. Prince Fielder – This is another “Name’s probably a bit more valuable than reality,” but that’s what they said about Flavor Flav and still no one’s beat Flavor of Love, and that’s real spit. Fielder went into the break hot. If he comes out hot, then you have a 15 homers in a month guy. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/18/60/.295
18. Jered Weaver – He’s had one — drop your pants and count it — one! bad start all year and his ERA and WHIP are sitting at 1.96 and 0.90. Booyakasha! 2012 2nd half projections: 10-2/2.40/1.00/90
19. Zack Greinke – The issue with ranking pitchers for only a half season is if they have bad luck in two or three starts and have a couple of blow outs, then they’re not nearly this valuable. 2012 2nd half projections: 7-4/2.65/1.15/110
20. R.A. Dickey – Dickey is as hard to rank as his knuckleball is to hit, which means he shouldn’t be hard to rank but he is. I’ve painted myself in a logic corner! 2012 2nd half projections: 8-3/2.75/1.05/95
21. David Wright – My gut’s saying Wright won’t be as good in the 2nd half as he was in the first half, but my gut also thought it was a good idea to leave pork out in the sun to defrost. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/10/45/.290/8
22. Matt Cain – “Verlander, Weaver, Greinke, Dickey then Cain.” “What is three one hitters, a no hitter and a perfect game, Alex?” Alex Trebek, “Sounds about right, but I’d need to Google it to be sure.” That’s Jeopardy after Alex’s teleprompter crashed. 6-4/2.95/1.00/100
23. Gio Gonzalez – You’re welcome. You know what you’re thanking me for. 2012 2nd half projections: 9-4/2.85/1.10/100
24. Roy Halladay – Way higher than he has any business being ranked because if we were going on the 1st half, he wouldn’t have made the top 100. He is a guy that could go two months without losing or giving up more than 2 runs in any start, so you have to pay for that premium. 2012 2nd half projections: 7-4/2.25/1.00/80
25. Jason Kipnis – I almost ranked him about 20 spots later, then I moved him up here. He had 3 homers and a .267 average in June. Sure, there were 8 steals, but Tony Campana had 8 steals in my stratomatic league in one afternoon. Because I don’t bench him, Sveum! 2012 2nd half projections: 40/8/40/.270/15
26. Matt Holliday– Has been in a great groove for about a month now and hitting over .350 since April. I almost ranked him higher, but if he goes into another hitting funk, then he gives little value with his legs. For those keeping score at home, Holliday moved up since the preseason. And for those keeping score at home, who’s winning? 2012 2nd half projections: 40/10/45/.310/4
27. Edwin Encarnacion – Having a Rod Tidwell-type contract year. 2012 2nd half projections: 35/12/40/.260/6
28. Hunter Pence – We should call him The Librarian, because he quietly goes about his business. Talk about a badass nickname that would have Pepsi lining up to give him an endorsement deal. “Shh… I’m hitting line drives that score one run then strand me on base. I’m The Librarian.” 2012 2nd half projections: 45/12/40/.280/7
29. Adrian Beltre – Before the season, Scott Boras had a hypnotist put Beltre under so he thinks it’s 2004. Make sure you don’t ruin “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason” for him. 2012 2nd half projections: 45/13/50/.295/3
30. Cliff Lee – No wins for what felt like forever. His ERA is near 4. His brother, Frank Lee, would say owning The Adverb has been like doing a sentence. But his peripherals are all pointing to him being much better in the 2nd half. I’m buying. 2012 2nd half projections: 7-2/2.90/1.05/100
31. Cole Hamels – You know how there’s always one team that seems like an also-ran for the whole year, then they trade away a big piece, and then inexclipably make a run in September only to fall two games short of the Wild Card. That’s gonna be the Phils. The too little, too late team. 2012 2nd half projections: 6-3/3.00/1.08/100
32. Clayton Kershaw – Yeah, he’s fallen a bit in my eyes. Truth or dare, fantasy baseball version. Dare I say, he could be the next Lincecum. Truth. 2012 2nd half projections: 6-3/3.00/1.10/95
33. Felix Hernandez – All of these pitchers passing him in the midseason rankings, but I imagine he’ll be above quite a few of them next year in March. Which way are you going in March if, say, you’re juggling between Dickey and F-Her… Well, that’s a weird clown juggling act, bro. 2012 2nd half projections: 5-5/2.90/1.18/100
34. Jay Bruce – They call him Bruce. And they hope he gets crazy hot for the month of August. 2012 2nd half projections: 35/16/45/.265/5
35. Justin Upton – If he goes to the Pirates, it could help his value. How weird is that? 2012 2nd half projections: 40/14/45/.280/6
36. Carlos Beltran – The Great Zombino! He points, calling his home run shots with the tennis ball on the bottom of his walker. BTW, I don’t want to ruin anyone’s childhood, but I saw a Babe Ruth statue at the LA Sports Museum, and he was ‘calling his shot.’ But it didn’t look like he was calling his shot…. Instead… Well… What if he wasn’t calling his shot, but was instead doing the nazi salute? 2012 2nd half projections: 40/14/50/.270/7
37. Paul Konerko – For about a month plus, he’s been pretty pee poor (say that fast 117 times!), but April and May proved that he could still carry a fantasy team. 2012 2nd half projections: 35/14/45/.280
38. Stephen Strasburg – He would’ve been ranked much higher if he didn’t have an innings limit hanging over his fantasy baseball owners’ head. If you want to move him up ten spots because you think he won’t be shutdown, you have bigger grapes than me. Wait, is that what’s hanging over our head? 2012 2nd half projections: 5-2/2.40/1.08/80
39. Jacoby Ellsbury – There’s a good chance that you’re going to get a guy who hits 4 homers, steals 6 bases and will be shut down again for another month– Wait, that’s what I wanted to write for Crawford. All kidding aside, any time you go for a guy that’s been on the shelf longer than your high school yearbook, there’s a chance you get nothing. But if you get something from Ellsbury, then you could get a lot. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/8/35/.285/17
40. CC Sabathia – Not pitching in the All-Star Game, but he is there. Hopefully all the players pile up on one side of the bench so Fielder and CC don’t crash the other side. 2012 2nd half projections: 10-2/3.00/1.18/85
41. Starlin Castro – Ian Desmond is the number one shortstop, according to the Player Rater, but I’m not crackers enough to put him first for shortstops. Since there’s so few shortstops worth anything, Castro is the cream of the crap. His average is nice but the power and speed aren’t plus-plus, if that means something and isn’t just a buzz phrase. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/6/35/.300/12
42. Nelson Cruz – Next year, I’m gonna have a team with only Rangers hitters (now that Napoli will be cheap again) and only pitchers who have their home games in pitchers’ parks. With that team, I hope to win the Nobel Prize, then be asked back to the College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston to give the commencement speech. I have very humble dreams. 2012 2nd half projections: 35/14/45/.270/7
43. Shin-Soo Choo – The reports of his demise were premature! And really insensitive to his family. 2012 2nd half projections: 50/10/30/.310/12
44. Alex Rios – The reports of his demise were also premature! But not that insensitive considering the hell he put his fantasy owners through last year. Not cool, AR. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/12/40/.290/12
45. Bryce Harper – I went into Supercuts and asked for a Bryce Harper haircut and they told me they couldn’t do it. I needed to go to Incredibly Awesomecuts. 2012 2nd half projections: 45/8/30/.280/12
46. Brett Lawrie – To say Lawrie has been a disappointment is a disappointment to all stronger synonyms of disappointment, but he still has that ever-enticing speed/power combo. 2012 2nd half projections: 45/8/30/.290/10
47. Michael Bourn – I wouldn’t count on another 7 homers in the 2nd half, but you can take 20 steals to the bank. Then, while at the bank, ask the teller if the Jose Reyes preseason 50 steal prediction is worth anything still. 2012 2nd half projections: 50/2/30/.290/22
48. Mark Trumbo – I just went over why you should sell Trumbo. If you can’t sell him for anyone above here, then by all means hold him. 2012 2nd half projections: 30/12/40/.260/3
49. Craig Kimbrel – What I’m thinking here is if the difference between you and 1st place is the best closer, then go SAGNOF and trade for two Brain Freezes. But if you want to know who the best closer is, it’s Kimbrel. 2012 2nd half projections: 3-1/1.75/0.85/45, 20 saves
50. Chris Sale – Easily better than a few names ranked above him, but a wonky elbow and an innings limit has me down on him, in the non-sexual way. 2012 2nd half projections: 5-2/2.65/1.05/70
51. Paul Goldschmidt – Kinda threw me for a loop when I ranked him here, but he’s been nearly as good as Konerko, and I don’t think that’s strictly an indictment on Konerko. 2012 2nd half projections: 30/12/40/.270/5
52. Ian Desmond – You thought my loop was thrown by ranking of AuShizz. I preach to not get caught looking at past stats, but worry about future ones. But Part II: The Return of But; Desmond didn’t have a torrid April, he’s crazy hot right now. When you’re looking at only getting two months-plus of a hitter, the hotter the hitter is currently is the way to go. Honestly, he’s been much better than Hanley and Reyes combined. Shine on you crazy Desmond! 2012 2nd half projections: 35/12/40/.260/9
53. Curtis Granderson – Grandy’s a weird one. I said he was overrated in the preseason and I’m not sure if I’m right or wrong. Safe to say the jury’s still out. He could hit .220 in the 2nd half and prove me right or he could hit .320 and have the counting stats to back up a counterargument. I’m sure Court TV will go live to the verdict once it comes back. 2012 2nd half projections: 45/14/40/.240/7
54. Jason Heyward – Here’s a little insight into these rankings. I went through some areas and I said to myself, “Would I trade Heyward straight up for Granderson?” Luckily, I don’t work in a public place or I’d be locked up. Not because I talk to myself, because I’m not wearing pants. So, would I trade Heyward for Grandy? Probably not, but it’s fair. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/12/35/.265/10
55. Adrian Gonzalez – He just had an 18-game hitting streak snapped to raise his average to .283. And…he also has 6 homers?! Omar Infante called and said don’t give him his home run power back, it’s embarrassing. 2012 2nd half projections: 35/14/45/.270
56. Jose Reyes – If you’ve been reading this blog for an Urbandictionary minute, which is actually a long time, you know I’ve loved Reyes for a long time, but I think I’m officially through getting to 2nd base with his stats because he can’t get to 2nd base himself. 2012 2nd half projections: 45/3/20/.275/20
57. Dustin Pedroia – Knowing this Sparky Anklebiter, he’s chewing through his cage trying to get back on the field. He also seems like the type that will hit the ground running and have a solid final two months of the season. But that’s conjecture, strike it from the record. 2012 2nd half projections: 30/9/35/.285/10
58. Madison Bumgarner – To give you a broad idea of how much weight should be given to these rankings, if Bumgarner throws back-to-back shutouts and Cain gets hit hard, they’d be flip-flopped. These are guidelines, men and four women. 2012 2nd half projections: 5-2/3.10/1.08/80
59. David Price – If he was in the NL West, he’d be a top five starter, unless he was in Coors then he’d be a road scholar. 2012 2nd half projections: 7-2/3.15/1.18/90
60. C.J. Wilson – Dan Haren who?! “The Angels pitcher who was good, but has looked terrible this year,” says the Guy Who Doesn’t Understand Rhetorical Questions. 2012 2nd half projections: 8-2/3.20/1.18/75
61. Colby Rasmus – Have we stopped working on the Rasmus Girl, trying to get her on the podcast? C’mon, let’s use the wisdom of a crowd here, only not wisdom. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/12/35/.275/7
62. Johnny Cueto – You looking queerly at Cueto ranked this high. Me shrugging. Look at his stats. 2012 2nd half projections: 7-2/3.20/1.15/90
63. Jake Peavy – To give you an idea of how much pitching is out there on waivers in most leagues, I dropped Peavy after his 3rd start of the season and picked up Lance Lynn then after about two months, I dropped Lynn for Vogelsong. Lost a bit on strikeouts along the way, but not much else. If you’re looking at Cueto’s projections compared to Peavy and wondering why they’re ordered this way, Peavy has a bit more risk. And, of course, because I said that Cueto will go and get hurt. 2012 2nd half projections: 6-3/3.15/1.05/90
64. James McDonald – If there was tiers in this 2nd half rankings, I’d call this tier, “Next time you make a wish, how about you wish for world peace rather than wishing for James McDonald to fulfill best case scenario expectations?” 2012 2nd half projections: 6-2/3.00/1.05/90
65. Kenley Jansen – Jansen and Kimbrel will be number one and number two for as long as Mariano and the guy who was 2nd to him the longest time was. Says the baseball historian. 2012 2nd half projections: 2-2/2.00/0.80/50, 17 saves
66. Dan Uggla – I think Uggla’s gonna have a huge 2nd half. Like his 30-game hitting streak from last year where he hit 50 homers in 40 games? He’s never done that, Random Italicized Voice. Don’t let facts run your life, Grey Albright! 2012 2nd half projections: 30/15/45/.270/3
67. Pablo Sandoval – Here’s hoping he doesn’t try to eat his hamate bone for a third time. 2012 2nd half projections: 35/9/40/.310/3
68. Anthony Rizzo – His stats could easily be the same or better than Trumbo, but there’s a bit more risk with Rizzo, which means he’s, um, rizzky. 2012 2nd half projections: 30/14/35/.275/2
69. Alex Rodriguez – His stats were so yawnstipating in the first half and he isn’t had his patented DL stint yet. 2012 2nd half projections: 30/10/40/.265/7
70. David Ortiz – He’d be higher if he had position eligibility, and since I’ve been clogging up my UTIL spot with schmohawks like Mark Reynolds, Lonnie Chisenhall and Michael Brantley, things could worse than having Ortiz on your team. 2012 2nd half projections: 35/14/40/.280
71. Mike Moustakas – If you live in Kansas City, go to the next game with a sign that says, “Moustakas Is My Gyro.” 2012 2nd half projections: 30/12/40/.280/2
72. Elvis Andrus – Third base may have been weak in the past — Mc Serch, “Hey!” — but count the shortstops in the top 100. 2012 2nd half projections: 45/2/25/.270/17
73. Aroldis Chapman – I’d bump him up about twenty spots if your league has a category for “Bizarre Circumstances Involving Shady Characters.” Especially after you lost your first round pick, Wilson Ramos. 2012 2nd half projections: 1-3/1.50/0.80/50, 17 saves
74. Brandon Phillips – A lot of the rankings here have no bearing on next year’s rankings. Or no baring if you’re shy. But this looks about right for Phillips for next year, too. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/10/35/.280/7
75. David Freese – Too bad he was scratched from the All-Star Game. We all know how he plays on the grand stage. Maybe he should have Tim McCarver announcing every at-bat. That doesn’t sound awful at all! 2012 2nd half projections: 30/10/40/.295
76. Brian McCann – Member in the beginning of the year when I said the catchers were deep? Well, they are, but not in the way I meant it. At the time, I meant there were a crapton of catchers that would be good. Well, there’s some that have been decent, but not a crapton and not the guys you actually drafted. McCann went to the break with 4 straight games with homers and I think he could have a big 2nd half. Really, to shoot to the top of the catchers, he just needs a hot month. Don’t make a blairing mistake and think otherwise. 2012 2nd half projections: 25/12/40/.290
77. Yu Darvish – I’ve heard some whisperings that Darvish will have his innings limited to 180, so he’s fresh for the playoffs. Whisperings aren’t nearly as bad as mutterings, but should still be taken with a grain of salt. 2012 2nd half projections: 7-2/3.50/1.30/100
78. Jimmy Rollins – With Utley taking a knee and Howard getting in game shape by slicing garlic really thin for pasta sauce, Rollins is the last of your slightly older brother’s Phillies. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/8/30/.270/12
79. Adam Dunn – It looked briefly like Robin Ventura knew what he was doing by batting Adam Dunn third. Now that he hit .181 in June and .143 so far in July, it looks like when Robin Ventura was younger, he might have been hit too many times in the head. 2012 2nd half projections: 30/18/40/.200
80. Colby Lewis – Here’s a Rangers pitcher who should be fresh right through September. Instead of Lewis, if you want to rank Lester or Josh Johnson or handful of other pitchers here (assuming you have giant hands that make girls drool), go for it. A lot will depend on Lewis’s first game back from the DL, which is set for five days after the break, uh, breaks. After the break mends? Eh, you get me. 2012 2nd half projections: 6-3/3.50/1.10/85
81. Yovani Gallardo – He would’ve been higher but sometimes the stress YoGa causes is just too unbearable. Stupid irony. 2012 2nd half projections: 5-4/3.40/1.22/95
82. Asdrubal Cabrera – His power has actually been sorta, kinda, adjective in line with 2011, but where’s the speed? Two steals on the year? Miguel Cabrera has 3 steals and he’s flat-footed and drunk. 2nd half projections: 35/9/40/.275/7
83. Jose Altuve – Hopefully when the Astros Ctrl-Alt-Delete their team, they don’t wipe out Altuve. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/3/20/.315/12
84. Ben Zobrist – His Christian singing wife has a little song that she wrote for Zobrist, it’s called, “Smitey Mouse.” 2012 2nd half projections: 40/10/30/.245/10
85. Buster Posey – I don’t want trade for a catcher in the 2nd half (actually, I never want to trade for a catcher, but especially in the 2nd half) because their legs are going to get tired, but Bochy and his cavernous head do rest Posey at 1st base on occasion, so that could help. 2012 2nd half projections: 30/8/40/.290
86. Melky Cabrera – Baseball should have a version of the slime from You Can’t Do That on Television that every time Melky gets a hit a random fan in the stands gets a bucket of milk dropped on their head. Okay, maybe just hot women. Okay, maybe only when Melky’s in Arizona. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/5/30/.310/10
87. Josh Reddick – Could’ve ranked here Corey Hart or Allen Craig or Gary Parridge, though the last name is made up. See: Third to fourth outfielders with power that could get hot or were hot in the 1st half. 2012 2nd half projections: 30/13/40/.260/5
88. Andre Ethier – He’s due back right after the All-Star Break. Good thing for his wife, since he’s stealing all of her clothes. 2012 2nd half projections: 35/12/40/.280
89. Lance Berkman – Total shot in the dark here, since he didn’t do much at all this year, but who was I supposed to rank here? Brett Gardner… Okay, I almost did. 2012 2nd half projections: 25/10/35/.285/5
90. Austin Jackson – My projections are going out on a bit of a limb with Austin Jackson, but since it’s about Austin Jackson, no one cares. But, if you really do, I’m thinking his average will come down, but his steals will go up, which is working for the Bureau of Counterintuitive. The head of that bureau is a 16-year-old pot smoker, which doesn’t seem to make any sense which is why it does. 2012 2nd half projections: 40/7/25/.290/12
91. Ryan Vogelsong – I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind… That I put down in words how wonderful life is while you’re in my fantasy world. 2012 2nd half projections: 5-3/2.75/1.10/60
92. Ivan Nova – Surprised to see him here? I was surprised to rank him here. Wins are unpredictable, but he seems like he can Magoo his way into a bunch of them. Also, he’s got real purdy Ks. 2012 2nd half projections: 8-2/3.75/1.32/90
93. Michael Cuddyer – There was a while there I thought Cuddyer might be the most valuable 2nd baseman over Uggla, but Kipnis made like Garfield from Parking Wars and put a moot on the whole argument. 2012 2nd half projections: 30/10/35/.275/4
94. Max Scherzer – And you thought I was done with Scherzer. Ha! Ha…HA! Ha….HA…HAHAHAHA! Oh my God, he’s driven me crazy. 2012 2nd half projections: 5-4/3.65/1.28/100
95. Ryan Dempster – This is assuming he goes to a contender, but not the Yankees or Rangers… Hmm… Are there are other contenders? My ESPN doesn’t think so. 2012 2nd half projections: 7-2/3.15/1.12/80
96. Carlos Ruiz – Chooch! I kinda wanted to leave all catchers besides McCann and Posey out of the top 100 because catchers get tired as the season goes on and, as mentioned briefly in McCann’s blurb, if a catcher hits 10 homers in the last two months then they’re the most valuable for the position. For instance, Arencibia could be the best 2nd half catcher. With that said, Chooch doesn’t get tired because he doesn’t sleep. Or breath. “I am Chooch-borg, I have come to civilize your planet. But could you lick this stamp for me, I have no salivary glands.” 2012 2nd half projections: 35/7/35/.320/3
97. Desmond Jennings – I just went over my Desmond Jennings Buy. I wrote it while second guessing some choices made on Design Star. 2012 2nd half projections: 25/8/30/.250/17
98. Eric Hosmer – Because he can’t be worse. 2012 2nd half projections: 30/10/40/.280/6
99. Ryan Zimmerman – Because he better not get better. 2012 2nd half projections: 25/8/35/.270/3
100. Adam LaRoche – He turns it on usually in the 2nd half. A poor man’s PABST….Let’s say, a swill beer regurgitated from your friend’s mouth into yours. 2012 2nd half projections: 25/14/35/.260
There’s hundreds of names after the top 100 for the 2nd half of 2012 fantasy baseball, but these stand out:
Adam Wainwright – There’s a few dozen pitchers who deserve this spot over Wainwright, but this isn’t about where they’ve been. This is about where they’re going, understand where I’m coming from, B-Real? 2012 2nd half projections: 6-2/3.45/1.22/80
Carl Crawford – My favorite question is, “Will so-and-so be effective when he returns from injury?” Now look at the word favorite in the mirror. These are crystal ball questions. I’d be in Vegas with a blonde-frosted mustache, wearing water wings everywhere I went if I was psychic. I will say I highly doubt it with Crawford because A) He’s been out so long. B) He wasn’t good the last time he was playing. C) There’s no C. Oh, and I’d be wearing water wings everywhere I went because I imagine I’d be wasted 24/7 and you never know when body will meet jacuzzi. 2012 2nd half projections: 25/5/30/.260/12
