Chris Davis was sent down as a tear rolls down Bill James’ cheek. Coming up to take his place, Justin Smoak. Back in June, Stephen took out his incisors, chewed up and spit out some Justin Smoak fantasy value. For those too lazy to go back and read that post, it says, “(Smoak) has a great swing because his hands move together with his body producing a short, solid swing with few holes (his plate coverage is great). His hips and hands rotate simultaneously which is where all that power comes from.” His hands move together with his body while his hips and hands rotate simultaneously? Okay, so Smoak’s a salsa dancer. Sexy! Last year, Justin Smoak was promoted through the minors with relative speed. Stopping off at Rookie Ball for a minute (not an Urban Dictionary minute, which is actually a long time), checked in at Double-A for 183 at-bats and a .328/.449/.481 line then took a prolonged dump in Triple-A. The numbers there aren’t important; he was dealing with an oblique issue. It was a quick trip through the minors and Smoak might need some more Old Bay. We (you and I — hey!) could still expect a big impact. Think Chris Davis’s rookie year. Say 65/22/75/.265. So that’s 5 months of solid production. That’s Rookie of the Year numbers. Yes, please! Fin. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we jump into the roundup, there’s announcement. Our fantasy baseball forums got a Bruce Jenner-like face lift. Thanks to Friend Of Razzball, Bob, for the work he did. Big ups! Anyway II, here’s the roundup:
Ryan Braun – 3 for 4, 3 Runs, 1 HR, 5 RBIs, 1 SB in a 20-0 laugher. If Randy Wolf got this type of support last year, he would’ve had 25 wins. Manny Parra would’ve had 7.
Octavio Dotel – 1 IP, 6 baserunners, 2 ER. Kazaam! There were two errors in the inning. The first error was bringing in Dotel.
J.A. Happ – Placed on the DL with soreness in his forearm. Guess J.A. stands for Jimmy Arm.
Justin Verlander – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. He’s been terrible for the past three Aprils. Maybe when he was a kid he lost his kitten in April and it’s some repressed shizz. I don’t know. But practice patience, doc.
Jake Peavy – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER, 14 baserunners. I hate to bring out the I told you so’s. But I told you so.
Daisuke Matsuzaka – Dice-K will return to the rotation and knock out Tim Wakefield. Don’t worry SAGNOF lovers, at least V-Mart is still behind the plate.
Clay Buchholz – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks. He has 16 2/3 IP and 18 Ks overall. He’s rocking a 2.70 ERA. Sure, his WHIP’s a little ugly, but why have I been getting comments asking if people should drop him? I don’t get this.
Jacoby Ellsbury – Has four broken ribs. If he put some of that Salt Lick spice rub on them and threw them in the smoker… Oh, those ribs. Yeah, this is pretty bad news. He might be out for a few weeks now. I wouldn’t try and buy low.
C.J. Wilson – 6 2/3 IP, 6 baserunners, 0 ER, 2 Ks, now has a 1.37 ERA on the year. Member all those days when he was blowing saves in Texas? Yeah, they should’ve been bringing him in the 1st.
Darren Oliver – 1 2/3 IP as he recorded the save. The Rangers have no idea what to do with their bullpen. When Wilson moved into the rotation, a setup man void was created. Now when their closer stunk up the joint, spraying his scent all over the field, they had a “Lucy, I’m home” uh-oh moment. They turned to their uber-nasty, Neftali Feliz (nasty as in good, not nasty as in bad). The problem there: Feliz can’t pitch too many innings in a row. Which brings us back to Cousin Oliver. I’d own Feliz and hold Frank-Frank. I’m not jumping in bed with a third Ranger closer.
Ike Davis – 3-for-4, 2 Runs. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. No, he won’t. Don’t start with that, random italicized voice.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. Johnny Vander Meer’s family can stop following him around now.
Miguel Olivo – 2-for-3 and his third homer. Iannetta was overheard on the phone receiving words of encouragement from Napoli.
Willie Harris – Hit third in the order. When pundits say “America has lost faith in Washington,” this is why.
Derek Lowe – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. Said this in the preseason, still saying it. Wouldn’t own Lowe anywhere.
Carlos Guillen – Left the game with a hamstring injury. He’s headed to the DL. Too bad, so sad.
Manny Ramirez – Left the game after reaggravating his calf strain. His “doctor” gave him some “fertility” medicine, but Selig and his “rules.” Now Manny has an aggravated calf strain and impotency.
Chris Perez – Managed a scoreless inning! Hurray. It was 8-1. Ho-hum. Unless your league credits KKB SV (King Kong Bundy Saves).
Rajai Davis – With his 8th SB and 13th Run against the Yanks, owners hoping for 2-stat production have to be giddy for the love of Rajai. With his low AVG (.220), OBP (< .300), and 1 HR, anyone hoping for more will be as sorely disappointed as anyone who watched Ray Jay’s famous video.
Ray Liotta – Hosting a 5-part series on MLB Network. Each episode starts with him saying: As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a narrator.