Hello one, hello all it is your gracious and well manscaped travel agent, Sky. I promise I’ll do my best to accommodate all your traveling needs and not relive my past years’ glory while I do it. Truthfully, I don’t have two tickets to paradise for you this week. Heck, I don’t even have a 7-day vacation package ready for you like you asked for. We didn’t ask for anything. Who are you and why are you talking to me? I already told you I was Sky, silly, and I’ve been writing over on the Razzball Fantasy Football side for ages. And by ‘ages’ I mean since last year but in the internet world that’s practically like running a family car wash for 50 years. Grey asked me to come over here and give the worst advice possible a while back so he looks better but I decided y’all are too good for that and have suggested guys like Eric Chavez, Brandon Moss and Adam Lind to you in the past. But this week was stickier than those little buns you like…um, I’m talking about sticky buns guys…where were YOU going with that? But enough about how you sticky your buns, I’m here to talk about Danny Valencia and more importantly why he’s a good get for week 14 of the 2013 fantasy baseball season…
So there are some things you need to know about Danny before we proceed. First things first, his last name is the third largest city in Spain behind Barcelona and Madrid. Don’t lie, you didn’t know that and neither did I until I Googled it. But now you get why I’m trying to book your fare for this week on this scenic excursion into fantasy baseball dominance. The second thing you need to know about Valencia are his splits. They’re terrible. He’ll never win a floor routine with them and McKayla Maroney is not impressed. But more importantly, his lefty/righty splits. Danny don’t like no righties as – even though he has 3 HRs and a .545 slugging percentage off of them – he is only hitting .136 off them over 22 ABs this season and only carries a .229/.269/.360 slashline against them for his career. And that’s how you get DFA’ed by the Twins so they can start a little man named Plouffe, people. But of course, that’s not what makes him a creeper for this week, so let’s get to the juicy side of the story. The left hand side, that is. For his career, Valencia has a .315/.358/.479 line against LHP and 9 HRs in 336 career ABs. I know, not amazing, but given the offense he gets to hit with – Baltimore is the second highest scoring team in the Major Leagues this year – there’s a reasonable shot at a HR and a few RBIs and Runs from a guy who’s 0% owned in ESPN leagues. Toss in that 4 of the 6 Baltimore games this week have LHP and Danny looks like a great vacation from, say, Todd Frazier. But of course I get paid in commission for your buy in so if the needle doesn’t point to 1% ownership next week, I’ll have you know my family will go hungry and you’re to blame.
