by: Grey
Martha, I hope this letter finds you well. I’m stationed in SacTown. Currently, I’m sweating and having a fight with myself in a mirror when I receive a telegram from a young Harrison Ford. I have to get Kurtz out of the jungle. No, not Vietnam, I said SacTown. That is literally this city’s name. […]
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by: Grey
I hold a few blades a grass up, then toss them to test the wind. They just sorta fall to the ground and I’m not sure what that tells me. People in the stands are confused why I’m testing the wind to hit a baseball. I don’t know myself, to be honest. I step into […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
When the Netherlands landed on the ABC islands in the Caribbean, the Dutch made three requirements of all people, when farting in bed, pin the sheet tightly to the bed surface to not let any smell emit; all restaurant checks must be split in half with all attending parties, and, finally, all names must have […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
*nudges the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, and it doesn’t move* “Oh my God, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell is dead!” Drowsily, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell wakes on the couch, “I’m not dead, you idiot. I’m hungover. Could you please stop screaming?” “Woo hoo! The Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell is alive!” Rubbing temples, sitting up and asking, “What time […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
To quote one of the great poets of our time, as Pitbull said, “Hello, my name is not Mr. Right…” Something-something for a few lines then, “…But Imma be your Mr. Right Now. Right now, right now, right now….” Mr. Bull is exactly right (now). All that is right for, uh, now in fantasy baseball […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
The other day Bo Bichette announced he still wants to play for the Jays. Cool, I still want to practice my 13 years of Spanish with Salma Hayek. Hola, mi amor, I will say as we laugh and hold peaches to each other’s mouths. Mi amor, you’re letting it drip down my chin! Si, I […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Jordan Walker has fooled me a few times before. Ya know what they say: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There is no “fool me three times.” Fool me four times, and I’m calling an attorney to see if I can get a No More Foolsies Order put into […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
This Buzzfeed quiz will tell you which Pixar character you’re most like, whether it’s the old man from Up, the dad from The Incredibles, Buzz Lightyear, Anxiety from Inside Out, one of those fishes they lost, that character voiced by Billy Crystal or Pete Crow-Armstrong. Okay, here goes! Question 1) You currently have a low […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
A Crying, Laughing Emoji sits in a doctor’s office when an emoji with a stethoscope enters and checks its head. Nothing. The Doctor Emoji holds its ear to the Crying, Laughing Emoji’s head to see if it hears anything. Doctor Emoji explains, “I think I see the problem, you don’t have a brain.” That’s an […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Junior Caminero called up! Jasson Dominguez could be coming soon if the Yankees get sick of watching Verdugo pop-up to the 2nd baseman! Last week I gave you someone exciting who will be up shortly (if my sources are correct) in Christian Moore! This week which hot young exciting player do I have up my […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Singing incredibly off-tune, “Oh honey, tramps like us! Baby, we were born to run!” Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you walk in. I put on The Boss when I want clarity. It’s a Jersey thing, you may or may not understand. Born down in a dead man’s town! That’s Anaheim. A dead man’s town. It’s […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Googling “What will X give you if X Gon Give It To You,” while carrying a treasure map with an X marked on it, while talking to my cousin Jeffrey on speaker because he uses an X to sign all legal documents while he’s on X, the drug and formerly Twitter. This has been my […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?