Hey, Tone, it’s your nephew Christopher. The city’s a mess. I went in there and they charge congestion pricing now. Can you imagine this? Charging me to sit in freakin’ traffic. How about Satriale’s charges to stand in line for gabagool? Paulie said you don’t have to pay the congestion pricing if they don’t see […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Buy Your Teams A Round of Marcelo Shots
May 23, 2025 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 322 Commentsby: Grey
Bubba Chandler is ready. When the Pirates will call him up is your guess = my guess. Jac Cannoli is ready and the Royals could use hitting, but where is he going to play? I don’t know. Roman Anthony is ready, but he’s more “Where is he going to play” than Cannoli. At least Jac […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? If You’re Getting FAAB Food, Might As Well Buy A Burger
May 16, 2025 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 330 Commentsby: Grey
“So, this is one of those restaurants where I buy an empty plate for $18 and I tell you what I want on it, and I can choose anything from this list? Sweet! Okay, first I want a corner man. Then I want ribbies. Better put some pickles on it. I do like ranch, ya […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Josh H To The Smith-O, Buy To The Izz-A
May 9, 2025 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 307 Commentsby: Grey
There’s plenty more “exciting” names to talk about in this opening than Josh H. Smith. There’s plenty more exciting names to talk about without the scare quotes. Sometimes, we have to be mature adults when we’re playing fantasy baseball and eat our vegetables (vegetables we don’t enjoy, such as Brussels sprouts, and not good vegetables […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Roman Anthony Buying Window Closing In V, IV, III…
May 2, 2025 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 397 Commentsby: Grey
Roman Anthony is objectively a cool name. Perfection, no notes. Not like Nick Kurtz. No offense to his hitting, but, if I were to critique that, I’d say it’s too close to Dick Hurtz. It should’ve been Dick Kurtz to clearly nod at the groin allusion or they should’ve went with, like, Jerry Kurtz. Jerrish […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Buy Chandler Before He Says Bubba-Bye To Your Waiver Wire
April 25, 2025 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 448 Commentsby: Grey
Explain baseball to an alien? Can we start with this: What if all those Bubbas were in the majors at the same time? Would you be worried? How would it make you feel? Would you think, “Am I baseball fan or,” considered pause, as you turn to the mirror and continue, “A Bubba watcher?” I […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? I Just Carried This Whole Column And My Buy Kurtz
April 18, 2025 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 527 Commentsby: Grey
Martha, I hope this letter finds you well. I’m stationed in SacTown. Currently, I’m sweating and having a fight with myself in a mirror when I receive a telegram from a young Harrison Ford. I have to get Kurtz out of the jungle. No, not Vietnam, I said SacTown. That is literally this city’s name. […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? I’ll Cry Uncle And Buy Ben Rice
April 11, 2025 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 494 Commentsby: Grey
I hold a few blades a grass up, then toss them to test the wind. They just sorta fall to the ground and I’m not sure what that tells me. People in the stands are confused why I’m testing the wind to hit a baseball. I don’t know myself, to be honest. I step into […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? I Kjerstad My Co-Manager For Not Buying Heston
April 4, 2025 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 450 Commentsby: Grey
When the Netherlands landed on the ABC islands in the Caribbean, the Dutch made three requirements of all people, when farting in bed, pin the sheet tightly to the bed surface to not let any smell emit; all restaurant checks must be split in half with all attending parties, and, finally, all names must have […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Call Me Buy But I Say ‘Stro Cam If You Got ‘Em
March 28, 2025 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 406 Commentsby: Grey
*nudges the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, and it doesn’t move* “Oh my God, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell is dead!” Drowsily, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell wakes on the couch, “I’m not dead, you idiot. I’m hungover. Could you please stop screaming?” “Woo hoo! The Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell is alive!” Rubbing temples, sitting up and asking, “What time […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? The Angels Got Me Nolan Buyin’
September 20, 2024 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 101 Commentsby: Grey
To quote one of the great poets of our time, as Pitbull said, “Hello, my name is not Mr. Right…” Something-something for a few lines then, “…But Imma be your Mr. Right Now. Right now, right now, right now….” Mr. Bull is exactly right (now). All that is right for, uh, now in fantasy baseball […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Go To The Corner And Buy The Horwitz The Heart of Gold
September 13, 2024 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 117 Commentsby: Grey
The other day Bo Bichette announced he still wants to play for the Jays. Cool, I still want to practice my 13 years of Spanish with Salma Hayek. Hola, mi amor, I will say as we laugh and hold peaches to each other’s mouths. Mi amor, you’re letting it drip down my chin! Si, I […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?