Have you ever been so wrong about something that you would rather have your knees broken by two giggling Gallagher impersonators rather than face the world? I can think of many instances in my life that this phenomenon drowned me in sweet sorrow. I was sure that there were no cars coming as I backed my parents’ Chevy Suburban out of the driveway – directly into a school bus. The cop looked at me incredulously, remarking, “How could you not see it? It’s big and bright yellow!” I spluttered something about a big tree in my line of sight as I made sure the bus driver was okay. I was the toast of my high school that morning, a kind of reverse-Pyrrhic victory. All those accolades for being wrong.
I was wrong about seeing that school bus. I was wrong to draft Cody Bellinger, and then keep playing him. I was wrong about Sick Nolack. I was wrong about dropping Eloy. I was wrong about buying A Thousand Leaves as my first Sonic Youth album, deflecting the pleas of the record store employees trying to shove Daydream Nation into my ignorant, uncalloused hands. To ignore these moments in our lives is folly. As philosopher and critic William Hazlitt wrote, “The world dread nothing so much as being convinced of their errors.” Embrace your errors, examine your mistakes, and live to break free of their patterns.
Or, convince yourself that being right is all that matters, join Twitter, get a Substack, and live your life free of self-criticism. You don’t have to take Levar Burton’s word for it, because I haven’t reached out to him, and I’m busy interrupting the rhythm of this joke. Take it from the guy that drafted Yoan Moncada and Leodys Taveras.
A Blurbstomp Reminder
We will analyze player blurbs from a given evening, knowing that 1-2 writers are usually responsible for all the player write-ups posted within an hour of the game results. We will look at:
- Flowery Diction – how sites juice up descriptions of player performance
- Friendly Reminder – when a blurb insists upon itself
- Q and Q – when a site contradicts a player valuation on back-to-back blurbs
- TMI – I’m not describing this one. This is a pre-internet acronym, friends
- Shadow of the Colossus – when a blurb misremembers the greatness of a player
The hope is that by season’s end, we’ll all feel more confident about our player evaluations when it comes to the waiver wire. We will read blurbs and not be swayed by excessive superlatives, faulty injury reporting, and micro-hype. I will know that I have done my job when Grey posts, and there isn’t a single question about catchers that he did not address in his post. Onward to Roto Wokeness!
Duggar also duggled, giving him eight total bases in a laugher for the Giants. All three ribbies came on his triple in the fifth, as it cleared the bases and gave San Francisco an 8-1 lead. The outfielder has been a solid contributor when given the opportunity this year, and a three-hit game has his slash up to .277/.345/.472 with 33 runs driven in and seven homers over 86 games and 231 at-bats.
Auto-correct having a laugh, but in all honesty, this blurb had me at “tripped,” but it absolutely slew me with “duggled.” The editors at RotoworldSportsEdge seem to agree, as they have replaced “tripped” with “tripled,” but have left the absolutely glorious duggle on a pedestal of linguistic honor. When Steven Duggar doubles, it will henceforth be known as a Duggle. Hopefully, if we give it time to germinate slowly, even organically, all players will be hitting duggles. Maybe we can send Marty back to the early 1900’s where he can sneak into the Philly dugout (duggleout?) and convince Nap Lajoie that he’s about to lead the majors in duggles. I’m sure the butterfly effect will be manageable. It couldn’t be worse than duggle’s etymological status at this point. The Urban Dictionary top definition is disturbing and absolutely wrong. So yeah. Couldn’t be worse than our modern day duggle.
The club has yet to announce a corresponding roster move. Blewett was called up over the weekend but didn’t make an appearance.
I appreciate this update, as it reminds me that there is a pitcher in the majors with a worse name than Homer. Poor dude. He can’t even change his middle name to help negate the connotation of his last name (Scott Can’t Blewett, Scott Won’t Blewett), as his surname’s verb tense makes it impossible.
He had originally been expected to work on Tuesday, but it looks like Gerrit Cole (hamstring) will return to the rotation on that day instead. Gil will be taking Jameson Taillon’s spot in the rotation. The right-hander owns an impressive 1.42 ERA, 1.26 WHIP and 24/14 K/BB ratio across 19 innings in four starts for the Yankees this season.
We’ve been over him before, but it’s worth going back to the well if the water’s poisoned. Right? I’m sure that was a thing in the Dark Ages. Any the ways, ole Luis received breathless plaudits based on two starts in the majors wherein he overcame his horrible control (career 6.63 BB/9) to throw to scoreless starts. Rotoworld glossed over his work in the minors and recommended him heartily, only for him to regress to the mean faster than a cornflake gets soggy in milk. Dude walked seven batters in his last outing, and his xFIP is 5.19. It’s a bit cruel, leaving that out in the analysis, otherwise people only read that his performance has been impressive, see he’s up against a weaker opponent and assume he won’t shoot himself in the foot with baseballs. He’d probably miss though, so I guess he’ll be fine?
Rooker and his wife, Allie, are expecting the birth of a baby girl. Kyle Barraclough will take a spot on the roster while Rooker is away from the team.
This feels a bit gross. Anyone curious beyond a simple, “…due to the birth of his child,” can google the baby news, but do we really need his wife’s name in the blurb? This is almost-dox levels of information for a group of people (fantasy baseballers, h/t Grey’s mom) who will level threats and homophobic slurs at any player for simply going 0-4 on a given day. Don’t feed them personal information they might otherwise employ precious brain cells to research. This blurb should write itself, going by the “if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it” rule. Let fantasy baseballers be irrationally annoyed at their player’s possible multi-day absence due to the birth of a child. Such feeling are usually followed by feelings of guilt and embarrassment. Don’t ignore those feelings, unless you want to live in a world with no rules, in which case you’re ignoring me anyways. I’m a square, after all. L7.
Shadow of the Colossus
Didn’t see this one coming. Hampson has been a colossal disappointment from a fantasy standpoint over the last few seasons, but there’s no denying that he’s talented. He slugged a three-run shot off righty Aaron Nola in the fifth inning and also added a two-run blast against righty reliever Héctor Neris in the seventh inning to register his first multi-homer effort since September 1, 2020.
This guy has been Bud Blacked into a profile that reads, “He’s a huge disappointment, but he’s talented.” He hasn’t been a colossal disappointment, he absolutely helped some people win their leagues in the past few years with his late-season SB-antics. We’re all suckers for assuming the Rockies would allow him to play baseball on a regular basis. We also have a career average wRC+ of 69 (nice) and a career 0.6 WAR. I would say that his track record does deny his talent, although I’m always willing to argue against the Rockies player evaluation. This is one case where Bud Black shoots his young players in the foot, with a real gun, and they always answer, “No!” when he asks them if they feel lucky.
Btw, there is nothing stranger than a manager insisting he’s right about benching young players, and then doing it in a way to guarantee his evaluation is correct. Imagine insisting that you need a new computer because the old one is dinged up. Your partner argues that it works and operates as it should, and instead of admitting you’re wrong, you pour molasses into the keyboard and throw it in the oven. This is Bud Black. He is always right, and when he is not, he will do everything he can to prevent others from being right about him being wrong. I’m glad this makes sense, is what Bud Black would say after writing and reading the last sentence back to himself. Whoops. I’m in the weeds here. Time to scramble out.
Till next week, fair blurbees. May your week of Lindor and Baez mea culpas be full of grace, dignity, and absolutely NOT backing down from your firmly entrenched beliefs. Because that’s healthy.