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Anytime I can write and talk about a fellow Asian baseball player in MLB, the two miniscule hairs on my arms perk up. So, Steven Kwan it was supposed to be, but he’s the toast of the town and there will be thousands of articles written about him. He is Grey’s new Asian boy toy. Did you know that Grey has an Asian fetish? There’s Jay, me, and BDon. So, as much as I wanted to espouse about the Kwan, that is not my role at Razzball. As Jesus took in the lepers and poor, I dumpster dive into the trash and write up the stinky, shitty, and scraps in the fantasy baseball streets. This is why I get paid the big bucks. Kolten Wong is on a number of my teams. Was he ever going to be a league winner? Niet but double-digit home runs and steals were expected with decent plate discipline numbers. So far in 2022, he’s been awful, going 3-for-21 with five strikeouts. As a result, he’s been dropped by 8.4% of teams in ESPN leagues. So, this begs the question? What has been so Wong with Kolten?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Nicky Lopez of the Kansas City Royals is the antithesis of Ricky Henderson, the tsaeb of fantasy baseball. Lopez won’t hit for power and….Well, he won’t do much of anything except get some steals. Will they be a “manna falling down from heaven” amount of steals? Niet, but steals are a commodity and many fall behind in the early part of the draft, forcing them to pay up later. You won’t have to pay up for Lopez, as he’s being drafted on average with the 269th overall pick in NFBC drafts from 3/2022 to 4/6/2022. Here’s why I think he can be useful:

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I’m a fatty, which therefore means that I’m hungry all the time. In my younger days, my metabolism and constant activity allowed me to maintain a svelte, Bruce Lee-esque physique. Nowadays, cranking out posts for Razzball in my mom’s basement has meant that the scale flashes CAN NOT COMPUTE when I step on it. I’ve started to excercise more and am trying to diet but I am still but a human. As I was scrolling through the NFBC ADP, I came across Mike Yastrzemski and became intrigued, and it’s not just because his name made me think of deli meat. Well, it is close to lunch time so that may have had something to do with it. Anyways, digging into Yastrzemski was akin to going to Katz’s Deli, ordering a sandwich, then realizing that the cashier gave me a discount. 

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He’ll battle pitchers whenever the team’s in trouble

Connor Joe is there!

[A real OMT hero]

Connor Joe is there!

It’s Connor Joe against all the naysayers, fighting to play everyday!

He never gives up, he’s always there

Fighting for at-bats on the road and in the mile-high air 

Connor Joe is there!

[A real OMT hero]

Connor Joe is there!

Connor Joe is the name of a man on a mission

Highly trained, overcoming testicular cancer!

His purpose, to play ruin the plans of Bud Black, a naive manager who rosterblocks all the prime candidates away

He never gives up, he’ll stay ’till the games won

Connor Joe will dare!

Connor Joes is there!

[A real OMT hero]

Connor Joe is there!

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Who doesn’t love free stuff? Hey you in the back. Put your hand down! Clean out your ears because I said “free” not “fleas.” There really is no greater joy than finding stuff for free. Open that Cracker Jack box and find two toys instead of one? Sheeiiitttt. Driving away from Jack in the Box and finding two curly fries mixed in with the regular fries? Chef’s kiss. How about free plate appearances for fantasy baseball? 

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They say that variety is the spice of life. First of all, who is this proverbial “they” that many keep referencing? I just need to know if they are above or below the Freemasons. Anyways, in my younger days, I would partake in a cornucopia of mental steroids. Smoking trees was often a favorite pastime. There was marijuana, hemp, and cannabinoids; similar but different. Within those groups flowed a spider web of subsections. Hemp, in particular, has three species of plant; sativa, indica, and ruderalis. There are different hemp plants for different functions; for fiber, grain/seed, and CBD. Digging deeper, the quality differs depending on a variety of factors which ultimately affects the overall experience. It’s no different in fantasy baseball. There are many paths to victory, different subsets of players to choose from, and quality is differentiated. The higher you pay, the more likely you ascertain the quality, which produces a positive experience. But what if you went binge-shopping at the grocery store while having munchies? The funds are low but you need PAs with some counting stats? As you push the cart out of the grocery store, you notice a man erected like the Tower of Pisa against the wall. He tilts his head towards you, blows out the smoke from the cigarette he just inhaled and asks, “How about some Tony Kemp?”

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As I lay on my belly, adorned atop my plush rug with the head of Adam Silver, I noticed a glint of light out of my left eye. I slowly turned my neck like a sloth and began to smirk. One beacon after another began to Buddha Flame, producing a runway of light that could mean only one thing; baseball season is upon us.

I have been summoned to once again don my Waste Management uniform and dive into the trash cans of the fantasy streets to try and unearth some useful pieces of information. Grey and the fantastic crew at Razzball baseball got you covered with everything else, but you already know how dope they are.

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I always had issues with the expression, “Stay in your lane.” What if someone is driving in the fast lane and going super slow? Should they stay in their lane? NO! As bizarro Beyonce would sing, “To the right, to the right.” That said, the expression has tons of merit. If driving slow, stay in the right lanes and let others pass on the left. If you see three of four lanes littered with trucks, staying in the one without them would be most prudent. Which brings me to Lane Thomas of the Washington Nationals. He’s been added in 11.4% of ESPN leagues over the past week and, since joining the Nationals, has a .293/.383/.515 slash with a .222 ISO in 115 plate appearances. Should we continue to stay in this Lane?

Please, blog, may I have some more?