I cannot wait for the season to start. I am too giddy to see all my predictions come true, prove everyone my word should be law. The dream. I had my RCL draft last night and man was it fun; I was hoping for a little more banter in the draft room but only one of my league mates was in on the fun. Now I’ve got a controversial story for you this week. Doctor Bob is working in his clinic and his long time patient Patty walks in. She’s pregnant! Congrats? Well she is still shy of her 20th birthday and has already had an abortion the year before, so congratulations might not be in order. Doctor Bob continues his appointment with Patty and lo-and-behold, her younger sister is pregnant as well and due within the month. That is quite the adventure for this family at this point. Also, I may be wrong here, but it seems as if these girls do not want to be pregnant teenagers as one of them already had an abortion. This kind of thing makes me wonder how people make certain decisions in life. I’m often baffled. If I were either of these girls friends I would gift them condoms and birth control for their next five birthdays. If they wanted the babies though, congratulations!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Today we’ll take a look at the AL Central. Honestly, this division bores the hell of out of me and provides no pizzazz or oomph. The most fun part about this division is the lack of honor the White Sox have when asking Adam LaRoche to not bring his kid home when he had explained specifically before signing that it was a requirement. So the contract said “Kid A” must be allowed to come to work with me. My motto in life, specifically in any leadership role like coaching is: “Family over everything”. I back LaRoche’s decision and I expect the White Sox organization to fall apart as their players continue to be discontent with management. What was once a promising season ahead with a vastly improved offense, I believe will turn into a huge disappointment comparable to some dumb reality TV show. Good luck to the White Sox. On to the position battles! Snooozee….

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I will stop berating Grey’s over-zealous rankings and try to sway you on some position battles. My skills of persuasion are top notch; every player I think will win the battle will magically have 600 plate appearances or throw 200 innings. I will be focusing on the AL, in a three part series, starting with the sexy AL East today. I won’t be discussing sexy names like Manny Machado, Jose Bautista or Mookie Betts C.C. Sabathia. But first! We need to discuss a very important matter. I watched two videos where a young YouTuber, we’ll call him Jug, was creating a resume and performing a mock interview to apply for a very generic entry-level job coming that you would apply for coming out of college. A little context, Jug is a 20-something year old, recent college grad who has been making YouTube videos to support himself the past 1-2 years. As he is creating his resume and performing the mock interview he sounds like the most ignorant human being ever created. In the interview he talks about the size of his Johnson and how he’s had a threesome before. Inappropriate in all regards and a real embarrassment to the parenting he received and the institutions he attended for schooling. It is very possible the videos and his entire life is scripted but if this isn’t the case then I fear for the youth of today.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sorry for the delay folks. I took a break from the real world last week, and I had promised myself and my family that I would not touch electronics. I had some writing withdrawal which lead to tremors and night terrors, but I think that was caused by some other un-diagnosed medical issue that I’m too lazy and prideful to see a doctor for. My girlfriend (she might be imaginary) convinced me to watch The Bachelor with her this past week. Potential spoilers? Let’s be honest here, if you’re reading Razzball you likely don’t watch The Bachelor. I’m not using names because I don’t remember their names, and I strongly believe everyone has that one Facebook friend that follows the show and posts about it all over their social media. I was familiar with the concept going into my viewing of the show, but in case you’re not… there’s one guy choosing between many women finding one that he loves and looking to get engaged with. So you’d expect that until he picks which girl he wants, he would hold off saying I love you to anyone. With two girls left, he tells BOTH of them he loves them. That’s a big no-no. Don’t be this foolish! If Razzball can teach you anything, it’s don’t be a d*ck. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he proceeded to tell both women that he loves the other girl too. Let’s pause here. Does this guy have a brain? I mean come on… Whenever I tell a woman that loves me that I love another woman, I expect her to die inside, not want to be with me more and be my future wife. Gentlemen, this guy is stupid. Don’t be this guy. Dating advice, at it’s finest, courtesy of the Razzball Squire…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I hope I didn’t scare all of Razzball away last week when I took shots at Grey’s rankings. A long beautiful relationship could be in the near future for us. I CAN’T screw this up. Today, we’ll take a step back and look at one player I’m not enjoying as much as Grey. In this instance, Grey doesn’t love him too much either, I just have much lower expectations for this mystery man (if the title didn’t spoil it for you). There was a legal case where someone, we’ll call him/her Joshua, sued a dry cleaner for $60+ million because he claimed the pants he received were not his. I’ll repeat this for you: he goes and sues for what he believes was an improper exchange of pants. WHO THE **** DOES THAT? He later decided, oh, $53 million would do if you want to settle. I mean, come on dude, how big of a A-hole do you have to be do this to someone, let alone for a pair of pants? So the judge in this case decided this man is spewing venom, trying to take advantage of the owners and quickly ruled in opposition of Joshua and charged him to pay the legal fees of the defendants. Want to hear something funny? Joshua couldn’t even prove that the pants they gave him were not his. You see Joshua here? Don’t be like Joshua.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Readers of Razzball, it is very likely, no it is certain, that all of you see sir Grey’s rankings as law. I know when I was a young Razzballer I looked at Grey the same way he looks at Giancarlo. Are his rankings undeniably the best out there? YES! I’m personally growing a mustache because of him and his writing is absolute. Now I’m sure you’re thinking, “Where is this random dude we’ve never seen on Razzball Baseball going with this?”. Let me introduce myself. A few of you may know me as I wrote weekly articles for Razzball Football this past season under the tutelage of Mr. Tehol Beddict himself. I am the Razzball squire and demand respect! I hail from Montreal, Canada and I love me some maple syrup covered bacon for breakfast while listening to Celine Dion and touching up my igloo. Now, back to where this post started. Why did I bring Grey and his rankings up? Well, I will be performing the unenviable task of nit picking at Grey’s preseason rankings, from top to bottom. I will highlight players I believe are overvalued, overrated, etc., (the opposite goal of our Under the Greydar series.) Bonkers, I know!  As Grey’s word is law, many Razzballer’s will be cussing me out and I CANNOT WAIT FOR IT. You are welcome to berate me in the comments below; I accept all challengers. Grey is about to wrap up his rankings, so we’ll start from the top and make our way down. We have just under two months before the season begins and encourage you to give the Anti-Grey a chance. I will make sure to provide relevant data and research, not just gut feel, for all you concerned. Usually I will open up with a fun story that caught my attention that week, but today you were blessed to learn about the Razzball squire and all of his preseasonal offerings. When the season begins, I will shift the focus of my posts, as I will have spent more than enough time blasting and fawning over Mr. Albright. Note: Grey doesn’t know who I am yet but he knows that some new mystery writer is foaming at the mouth to get in on the action. Today I will dissect a couple of his top-20 players…

Please, blog, may I have some more?