Two Startapalooza, Week 12: Bauer Power

Don’t be dour, Bauer, the Cole Sale isn’t until tomorrow in Greinke’s DeGrom! Greinke’s DeGrom can be whatever you like it to be, but I like to think it’s a fancy bathroom in the Diamondbacks dugout that only Greinke can use, and it’s bedazzled with copper plating that has his likeness pressed into it. It also features a bidet that only churns out pine tar, because you can never have too good a grip on things. That first sentence does happen to include the names of each starter from this week’s Tier 1 by the way, what a coincidence! We’ve got a nice chunk of nine guys between the first two tiers, but alas Tier 3 is weak with just four names. Tiers 4 and 5 are where the real action is as this week, making it a less than desirable streaming week. The likes of Caleb Smith and Marco Gonzales have been plenty useful this season, but bad matchups push each of them to Tier 4. Good luck trying to guess which Sonny Gray you’re going to get, the Sonny or the Gray, and mediocre matchups keep him dwelling in Tier 4 as well. Out of the mucky muck of Tier 5 you could perhaps cast your lot with “The Coors Kielbasa” German Marquez, but doubling up in Coors Field isn’t exactly my cup of tea. Here’s a look at some of the other notable two-start pitchers this week.

• Trevor Bauer (CLE) – America’s premiere anti-pine tar advocate gets two starts this week, and they are both tasty matchups with divisional foes. While the White Sox aren’t technically in the bottom third of the league in wOBA against righties, their 25.1% K% is fifth worst in baseball. The Tigers don’t strike out a ton, but without Miggy they make for a nice streaming target. You’re starting Bauer no matter what anyway, with a 2.32 FIP that is even better than his already sterling 2.69 ERA. Oh, and he’s fifth among qualified starters with a 11.63 K/9. Bauer power, baby.

• Nick Pivetta (PHI) – It may seem a bit aggressive seeing Pivetta in Tier 2, what with his 4.25 ERA and all. “He’s allowed 10 runs over his last two starts, Dokken! Are you on glue?!” Well yes, yes I am. But that has less to do with my ranking of Pivetta and more to do with why I’ve made so much macaroni art on construction paper recently. Pivetta has the third highest delta between his ERA and FIP in baseball, at 1.15 (his FIP is 3.10). It’s not like he’s getting hit hard either, with a solid 29% hard contact allowed. I’m not scared off by his start against the Nationals, although the return of Daniel Murphy won’t make his life any easier. You’re rolling out Pivetta in nearly every format this week.

• Carlos Rodon (CHW) – Perhaps I’m a madman putting Rodon in Tier 3 after just two starts. But would a madman slather BBQ sauce on his feet and climb the Louvre?! Exactly. Rodon has come away from his first two brutal matchups relatively unscathed, with 4 ER over 10 IP, 11K K’s and 5 BB’s. He has another date with the Tribe this week, but he finally gets a breather with the A’s as his second start. He’s actually used his changeup 16% of the time through those first two starts but…he should stop that. It’s not a good pitch. It has graded out horribly with a -4.59 pVAL, netting just 6% whiffs with a .375 BAA. Jumpin’ Geehosophat. Come on Carlos, pump up those sliders and let’s get crazy with some K’s.

• Dereck Rodriguez (SF) – Who is Dereck Rodriguez? No one really knows. Some claim him to be the one true ruler of the Lizard-Headed Centaur Bears, or LHCB. The LHCB were thought to be long extinct, exterminated by the Red-Headed Amazon Tribe in the great Battle of the Papaya Tree. For centuries, those gigantic Amazon women would pray at an alter made of decapitated Centaur Bear heads, which of course look like lizards. Eventually the gigantic Amazon women succumbed to their own hubris, when one night during the annual Bearskin Leg Warmer Social one woman flashdanced so hard her leg warmers caught fire and burned their temple to the ground, killing every last woman in the tribe. Only then did the remaining LHCB’s come out of hiding. It is said that the great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather of Dereck Rodriguez was the first to mate with an LHCB, thereby making Rodriguez the only mammal with a cold-blooded head and the leg strength of a bear. And he’s got two sweet matchups against the Marlins and Padres this week, so you should probably start him.

• Jhoulys Chacin (MIL) – Chacin has been weirdly good this year. He has a 3.32 ERA over 81.1 innings despite a 9.1 K-BB% that is both terrible overall and typical for him. He’s even getting crushed with 40% hard contact. How has he been successful? A .264 BABIP sure helps. He also has a .246 wOBA allowed against 75 batters faced with men in scoring position. Something has to give here, and I don’t want to be around when that Giving Tree gives you a nice kick to the loins in the form of a bloated ERA/WHIP. The matchups aren’t bad, but it’s a hard pass for me, Jhoulys. Cool name though.

*All starters are projected for two starts as of Friday evening.

You can find Dokken on Twitter @NathanDokken.