2013 Fantasy Baseball Yahoo Ranklings

The other day I went over my 2013 ESPN ranklings.  There, I was all fire, brimstone and gangsta rap.  Saying eff this, and eff that.  I was pissed off like I was Tim Dog right after landing at LAX.  I was spitting bullets, y’all needed to wear a vest.  Now, I’m looking at Yahoo’s 2013 fantasy baseball rankings and Tim Dog didn’t get enough penicillin on wax and now he’s RIP.  BTW, If you were a rapper in the 80’s or early 90’s or a professional wrestler, watch over your shoulder, son, the reaper is comin’ for you.  “Multivitamins are better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac…”  That’s Tone Loc working on a new song.  More people use Yahoo than any other fantasy baseball game provider thing-a-ma-boobie, so more schmohawks are reading their rankings than any other rankings, yet I never take their rankings serious.  Quick analogy that may or may not make sense:  There’s years of looking up to your father, whether you agree all the time or not.  Then, one day, he takes a poop on your couch.  He should take him to the hospital; he’s in need of some sort of psychology examination.  If the tests come back conclusive that he pooped the couch simply out of laziness, then that’s ESPN.  Okay, now, Yahoo is your 8-year-old cousin pooping your couch.  You’re annoyed, but you’re not sending the kid for psychology examinations.  In other words, I always feel like ESPN should know better, but Yahoo, well, they have The Noise ranking Curtis Granderson 14th overall.  Even Jose Canseco knows Granderson may have hit 60 homers in 30,000 BC due to a lack of gravity, but he still would need a ton of luck to hit .240.  My apologies to Saltines, but Grandy at 14th overall is crackers (even before the injury).

Still, we should all be thanking Yahoo.  Since they’re hosting more fantasy drafts than anyone else, they’re also steering more people in the most head-scratching ways.  I really want Justin Upton this year (as my top 10 shows).  Thanks to The Noise ranking him 32nd overall, Upton is all the way down at twenty-one in Yahoo’s overall rankings.  More Upton for us, so thank you.  They’ve killed any chance for Strasburg by ranking him 13th overall, but they’ve also buried Adam Jones (36), Adrian Gonzalez (45), Goldschmidt (48) and Matt Holliday (45).  On the flip side, they’ve made it really easy to ignore guys that are ranked too high like Kipnis (56), Jered Weaver (43), Dickey (54) and Jacoby Ellsbury (35).  Didn’t want to have make a decision on Rizzo and whether or not he’d have a sophomore slump?  Now you don’t have to because they ranked him 63rd.  I didn’t see Dee Gordon ranked in their top 100 this year after they ranked him in the 7th round last year, but maybe I missed him.

The biggest question I get is, “Do you use hair care products on your upper lip?”  The second biggest question I get is, “If Yahoo (ESPN, CBS, Fox, whoever) ranks this player way after you’ve ranked them, do you wait to draft them?”  The short answer is depends.  The long answer is deeeeeeeeeeeeepends.  In our first draft of the season, we wanted Beckett and had him at the top of our draft board when the 130th pick was coming off the board, but he was ranked in the 200’s by the place where we were drafting, so we didn’t take him at our 139th overall pick, or our 169th pick, or our 192th pick… We took him 222th overall.  Now, I also don’t risk losing a player I really want.  We wanted Goldschmidt and could have either drafted him 19th overall (which we did) or hoped he was around for our next pick at 42.  Why wait when you want someone?  I’d much rather draft a team I want, then try to play cute.

(BTW, for those wondering if I’m going to look at CBS’s rankings, I’m not.  To throw it back to the intro analogy, CBS’s rankings are like a 3-month-old pooping on your couch.  If you use CBS’s rankings, you should’ve known better to leave non-diapered rankings where you didn’t want them to defecate.)

So, let’s cut out the jibber-jabbering, though I’m already failing on that front.  Sometimes I just can’t keep my big mouth shut. Thankfully, since I type with my tongue.  You know, when I type “Mmm…,” I really mean it.  That sounds like the start of a bad Yelp review, which is redundant because there are no good Yelp reviews. “The food was great, but I’m giving this restaurant one star because there was no parking. Knock down the homeless shelter next door and put up some parking meters!” That’s helpful, thanks Gael Greene!  Any the hoo!  I’m going to list players in a handy chart like I did the other day with ESPN.  The Thank You’s have it.  It being good value from my rankings vs. Yahoo’s.  The No Thank You’s don’t have it.  They’re bad people.  Meh, they might be okay people, but they’re likely not ending up on any of my Yahoo drafted teams.  For this, I’ll be using my 2013 fantasy baseball rankings (go figure!) and Yahoo’s 2013 fantasy baseball rankings (crazy, right?). For overall ranking, I’m going on Yahoo’s top 100 and not on their pre-draft rankings that are in your league tab because those don’t match up with their experts’ rankings (yeah, I have no idea either).

THANK YOU

NO THANK YOU